The Price of Silence

May 9, 2011
By austenite GOLD, River Falls, Wisconsin
austenite GOLD, River Falls, Wisconsin
13 articles 0 photos 177 comments

Favorite Quote:
...one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, your feelings have changed, I will have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love....I love...I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on. -Mr. Darcy


The man sat in front of the TV, the dim glow bouncing off the cold beer he was sipping. It had been a long day at work, and all he really wanted was a few hours to himself. He stretched his neck, kneading at the knots buried deep.

“Daddy?” A meek voice came from a tiny pajama-clad figure next to the TV’s bluish aura.

No response. A pounding pressure throbbed in the back of his skull.

“Daddy?” The pajama-clad figure was a bit louder now. He positioned himself in front of his father, his miniature hands placed defiantly on his miniature hips.

No response. A searing pain replaced the dull throbs, and the man gritted his teeth.

“Daddy, I think you hurt Mommy’s feelings. She won’t stop crying.” His father waved him away, an unfocused light in his eyes.

No response.

“Look at me!” The pajama-clad figure was blocking the gleam of the TV, his voice a high, reedy whine.

“Get out of the way, brat,” he growled, pushing his son to the ground.

A tear slipped down the pajama-clad figure’s cheek.

And then silence. Finally.



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This article has 22 comments.


austenite GOLD said...
on Jul. 24 2012 at 9:18 pm
austenite GOLD, River Falls, Wisconsin
13 articles 0 photos 177 comments

Favorite Quote:
...one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, your feelings have changed, I will have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love....I love...I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on. -Mr. Darcy

Thank you for reading and commenting! I actually wrote this for a creative writing class, and the assignment was that the pieces were supposed to be rather brief and descriptive, otherwise I would have expanded and added more detail.  Thanks again!

on Jul. 17 2012 at 4:27 pm
WSwilliams GOLD, Toronto, Ontario, Other
12 articles 3 photos 95 comments

Favorite Quote:
If you keep writing, you will pick up structure. You will pick up form

- Richard Matheson

You showed, and didn't tell. Good job! You kept your word count down. Great! However, it would probably please others if you could show more action of the father towards his son. what was he thinking at the time? What is themotive behind the silence?

austenite GOLD said...
on Jul. 29 2011 at 11:23 am
austenite GOLD, River Falls, Wisconsin
13 articles 0 photos 177 comments

Favorite Quote:
...one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, your feelings have changed, I will have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love....I love...I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on. -Mr. Darcy

Thank you very much, I'm glad you liked it!

on Jul. 27 2011 at 11:59 pm
ohmakemeover BRONZE, Centerville, Minnesota
3 articles 0 photos 99 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Touch comes before sight, before speech. It is the first language and the last, and it always tells the truth."- Margaret Atwood

This made me really sad, the tone was so forlorn and distant.  I like how you used the father's point of view instead of the son's, it really shifts how I react to the story.

austenite GOLD said...
on Jul. 26 2011 at 9:56 pm
austenite GOLD, River Falls, Wisconsin
13 articles 0 photos 177 comments

Favorite Quote:
...one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, your feelings have changed, I will have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love....I love...I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on. -Mr. Darcy

It does make sense! Thanks very much!

on Jul. 18 2011 at 11:36 am
Internal-Love PLATINUM, Queens, New York
33 articles 3 photos 311 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nothing's black or white, its all just a shade of gray---

















TI "Live your Life" ft Rihanna

This story seemed to be one of those still moments, that leaves a sour taste in your mouth. i was hanging on to every word.

The story wasnt too emotional, yet in me it provoked emotion (if that makes sense :P )


on Jul. 7 2011 at 2:51 pm
Zinaidia SILVER, Moreno Valley, California
8 articles 3 photos 78 comments

Favorite Quote:
\\\"Whatever you are, be a good one.\\\"

Wow, that story was very touching. I could feel the emotions and it was entertaining the whole way. Good job!

austenite GOLD said...
on Jul. 7 2011 at 2:16 pm
austenite GOLD, River Falls, Wisconsin
13 articles 0 photos 177 comments

Favorite Quote:
...one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, your feelings have changed, I will have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love....I love...I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on. -Mr. Darcy

Thanks, JustAnotherOwl! Your comments are always so nice :)

austenite GOLD said...
on Jul. 1 2011 at 3:42 pm
austenite GOLD, River Falls, Wisconsin
13 articles 0 photos 177 comments

Favorite Quote:
...one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, your feelings have changed, I will have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love....I love...I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on. -Mr. Darcy

Thanks very much! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

 


on Jun. 29 2011 at 11:59 am
Eno_Bladez GOLD, Williamsport, Pennsylvania
16 articles 1 photo 81 comments

Favorite Quote:
it'll be okay, if it's not okay it's not over.

i love how you said little yet the story i don't know how to say it to me it explained a lot. it played like a mini movie in my head to it was wonderful.

on Jun. 28 2011 at 7:18 pm
JustAnotherOwl SILVER, Unknown, New York
6 articles 0 photos 379 comments

Favorite Quote:
"See, we don't really care who you are;
Everyone is capable of looking up and wishing on a star.
So catch it, so contagious, this day-dreamer's disease,
And hope can be your sword, slaying darkness with belief."

"Sanctuary"- Paradise Fears

That was spectacular! I love how you say so little, but it is SO good and explains a lot.

on Jun. 24 2011 at 10:35 am
JoPepper PLATINUM, Annandale, Virginia
35 articles 0 photos 782 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Freedom is the ability to not care what the other person thinks."

"Not all those who wander are lost" --JRR Tolkien

"When you are listening to music it is better to cover your eyes than your ears." --Jose' Bergamin

You're welcome!!!! :))

austenite GOLD said...
on Jun. 23 2011 at 1:54 pm
austenite GOLD, River Falls, Wisconsin
13 articles 0 photos 177 comments

Favorite Quote:
...one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, your feelings have changed, I will have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love....I love...I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on. -Mr. Darcy

THank you for reading and commenting! :)

austenite GOLD said...
on Jun. 23 2011 at 1:54 pm
austenite GOLD, River Falls, Wisconsin
13 articles 0 photos 177 comments

Favorite Quote:
...one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, your feelings have changed, I will have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love....I love...I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on. -Mr. Darcy

Haha, I like that - a mini-movie! :) Thanks!

austenite GOLD said...
on Jun. 23 2011 at 1:53 pm
austenite GOLD, River Falls, Wisconsin
13 articles 0 photos 177 comments

Favorite Quote:
...one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, your feelings have changed, I will have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love....I love...I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on. -Mr. Darcy

Thanks! :)

austenite GOLD said...
on Jun. 23 2011 at 1:52 pm
austenite GOLD, River Falls, Wisconsin
13 articles 0 photos 177 comments

Favorite Quote:
...one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, your feelings have changed, I will have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love....I love...I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on. -Mr. Darcy

Thank you! :)

austenite GOLD said...
on Jun. 23 2011 at 1:52 pm
austenite GOLD, River Falls, Wisconsin
13 articles 0 photos 177 comments

Favorite Quote:
...one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, your feelings have changed, I will have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love....I love...I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on. -Mr. Darcy

Thank you! :)

on Jun. 22 2011 at 7:35 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

This was excellent flash fiction!  There weren't too many descriptions, but there were enough so I knew what was going on.  Good job!

on Jun. 16 2011 at 8:54 pm
WritingSpasms, Los Angeles, California
0 articles 0 photos 121 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Devils run when a good man goes to war."
- River Song from Doctor Who (Ep. A Good Man Goes to War)

I love how you wrote so little and yet you were able to make the piece feel like a mini-movie. This was really good. Keep on writing :)

on Jun. 16 2011 at 6:21 pm
Garnet77 PLATINUM, Sinagpore, Other
31 articles 6 photos 578 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything's a triangle." ~ My mother

"Write what you love, write what you care about, because sometimes, it's the easiest way to be heard."

I actually really like this. You were to the point, not overly descriptive, yet the mood for the story was perfectly done. Great work! :)




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