If Only

May 5, 2011
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There he is. Finally. The urge to run overwhelms my small legs as I dash to the door. Still, my mother beats me and has already stepped into his loving embrace. After a good four and a half minutes, my father pulls away and kisses my mother on the cheek before scooping me up in to his muscular arms.
“Hey, small fry.” He pulls my face into his lips and warms my cheek with a fatherly kiss. My arms grab his neck so tight that I nearly choke him. He laughs as he realizes it’d hard for me to let go. These precious moments are what keep my safe. They latch onto my mind and never let go unless forced to leave.
I could never imagine of letting go of one of these precious moments. Now, if only this was the true story.

The tear drips down my red cheek. My mind reels with questions with no answers and memories that aren’t real. He’s gone for good. My heart thrums an empty beat as my mother repeats every word over the phone.
“What… I…. some mistake…… sure it’s him…” she stutters. Even though, she never revealed exactly what happened, I always knew this day was going to arrive. Unfortunately, it had to happen on my birthday.
My mother and I awaited the time when we were going to hear the purr of the engine thrum through the driveway. Now, due to this unfortunate event, we never will. I start to sob, letting the reality of the whole situation finally hit me.
My mother hits “end” and walks over to well-stained couch. She strokes my hair, trying to be the brave, superhero “mommy” that I still call her to this day. She holds back tears trying to convince me she still throws on a cape and flies through the night sky when I drift asleep. Her eyes are wet with tears trying to burst through the emotional barrier that she has formed.
I’m still sobbing when the strongest tear finally cracks through the wall of strength. She pours out everything that she has been keeping in for the last few minutes. Both of our cheeks are red and our eyes are filled with pain when we hear someone knock on the door. My mother cracks it open, knowing that she won’t see who she wants to, proving that everything is just a big misunderstanding.
The mailman hands her the stacks of mail with a concerned look.
“Have a good day, ma’am.”
“Yes.. Thank you.” She says with a some-what smile.
She closes the door and stares at the mail.
“John McConnell” and the tears continued to drip away……..

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Odessa_Sterling00 said...
Jul. 28, 2011 at 2:20 pm
I think you did an ok job, but it could have been better.  I, personally, would have liked more information on what happened to the father and why the kid knew it was going to happen, but some people like to leave space for speculation.  
CallMeMrs.Batman replied...
Aug. 1, 2011 at 11:48 pm

Odessa_Sterling00: Thanks for the feedback! Umm Sorry about not putting in all the detail. When I wrote this I was kind of rushing and didn't put as much effort as I wanted. Sorry. Here are answers to some of the questions you asked:


The dad is fighting in the war and the little girl always knew that the dad would die one day. Not particularly from the war but she knew it would happen someday. She didn't expect it to happen so soon.


Hope that helped! ... (more »)

Alon_Freevoice said...
Jul. 27, 2011 at 4:33 am

When I read the first part, I thought it was that! Anyway, on the first part, are what keep my safe, my should be me.

On the second part, "what... I.... some mistake...... sure it's him..." she stutters.

I think she stutters is not needed anymore. And you can limit the use of periods into three in these cases :)
But this is just silly me... :)

Just keep writing to improve your writing skills and you'll see ... (more »)

CallMeMrs.Batman replied...
Jul. 27, 2011 at 11:59 pm
Alon_Freevoice: Thanks for the feedback and help! I was wondering if you could look at my opinion contest in the nonfiction section of the forums! Thanks! :)
musicispassion said...
Jul. 10, 2011 at 1:37 pm
good job reesa i think i read this at kate's house to keep writing and post more stuff
PJD17 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 21, 2011 at 10:39 pm
This is great  keep up the tremendous work i really enjoyed it  if you could  would you please check out and comment on my story Numb.  i would really appreciate the feedback
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