April 29, 2011
Custom User Avatar
More by this author
As the sun shone through the grimy windows, I pressed my fingers against the graffiti covered wall as the ghosts of memory whispered in my ears. That day when Ms. Alice taught us our alphabet, taught us to read and write. One memory shone above all, like a cursed diamond in the mud: the day the devils invaded my haven. They came, in black suits and piercing stares, to glare down at us and inspect every corner of the school. Our room was last, and, with its bright green, peeling paint on the cracked walls, seemed to be the one they disapproved of the most. We all hid behind our mother, the teacher, seeking refuge from the tall, dark strangers that were in our happy, safe classroom. It was my last day there, and I never returned until today.

Join the Discussion

This article has 25 comments. Post your own now!

holly1999 said...
Oct. 11, 2013 at 2:45 pm
Amazing writing! Perefct description and imagery. Great idea to write the story to match the picture, rather that the other way around. I really liked this. You're a great writer! :)
AnInkling said...
Oct. 3, 2013 at 11:12 am
I really liked your discriptive language, though it might have been nice to have it a little bit longer and with some dialogue. My only other comment would be that the second sentence is actually a sentence fragment.
guardianofthestars This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 23, 2013 at 3:53 pm
That was chilling. In so few words it told an amazing story! You are super talented.
darkerthanblack said...
Jul. 8, 2013 at 12:22 pm
nice way of using ur visualisations, wonder art u got.  
Superhero_Fan said...
Jul. 6, 2013 at 10:04 pm
I liked this, but I agree with all the people who said you needed a different title. Other than that, it was pretty good. I WAS left wondering what'd actually happened, but I know you meant to do that, so... Uh, yeah. I thought it was a great idea to use the picture to define the story instead of the other way around. I'll have to try it. 
But anyway, great job and keep writing!
BlackbeltJames said...
Jun. 9, 2013 at 7:14 am
Very good, the description was excellent and you managed to show the emotions of it as well. Like all flash fiction pieces, it leaves out vital background information, but this works due to the focus on his feelings and it leaves the imagination wondering.
The only exception I would point out is that (correct me if I'm wrong) it should be "the ghosts of memories whispered..." not "memory".
Other than that, everything is very cleverly written.
IMSteel said...
Apr. 28, 2013 at 2:52 pm
Wonderful description, and great imagery!  I like it a lot!  Keep writing!  Please comment on my story, The Voyages of the Waved Albatross.  It's on the front page of the novels, Historical Fiction section.  Thanks a lot!
Candice J. said...
Apr. 22, 2013 at 4:30 pm
I love how you did the complete opposite of most, and created a story around a picture. Its amazing how this was short yet so descriptive. I agree with some of the other comments, it leaves a lot to the imagination and that just makes it so much more interesting! Keep writing :)
KealliiRaycene said...
Apr. 19, 2013 at 8:48 pm
Beautiful! And it leaves something to the imagination as well! I could see it all through your words!
WritingSpasms said...
Jun. 10, 2011 at 3:57 pm
This is really good in terms of being developed solely from a picture. In fact, I think this is the only article I've ever read on here where the author makes it known that the piece is inspired by an image. This is some good work! Keep writing :)
.Izzy. said...
Jun. 9, 2011 at 11:59 pm
Short, but quantity doesn't necessarily mean quality! I like how the story is coordinated with the picture. The only thing I would suggest is a catchier title, something which will draw in more readers. Other than that, very well done.
JoPepper said...
Jun. 8, 2011 at 7:01 pm
That is really good I love it I definatally think you should add on!!!! :))
IntrepidRose This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 16, 2011 at 7:55 am
I like the idea, but I think the title could be a little more creative. It was enjoyable to read.
idk240 said...
May 15, 2011 at 1:31 pm
IT WAS AWESOME!!! write more plz...
Garnet77 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
May 16, 2011 at 4:12 am
I love how it connects with the picture! I think you should definitely add on to this and complete the story. I think you could do a lot with this beginning. :)
Cmt137 said...
May 15, 2011 at 9:43 am
good but short! i like that's it's based off the picture too but that doesn't mean u can't expand! make it something more
AddictedToWriting said...
May 15, 2011 at 12:56 am

Wow.  This is really good.  And I really liked the fact that it was all inspired from a random picture--that's not something a lot of people can do.

The only thing I would suggest is about the first sentence "As the sun shone through the grimy my ears".  Read the sentence (not the abbreviated version I put on here.  The full one :P) out loud.  Particulary the "As the the ghosts...".  It's kind of a run-on sentence, and it's ... (more »)

NavishJaved said...
May 14, 2011 at 12:09 pm
Wow . . . I love the way you used your words. Honestly, I couldn't find anything wrong with it. :) Seriously, though, I think you should definitely write more!
skitlzzzfreak101 said...
May 13, 2011 at 8:26 pm
This is AWESOME..u shld rlly keep writing! :) <3 this.
TheParanoidOne said...
May 13, 2011 at 7:53 pm
I think it has potential to become a great story but one thing i noticed in your writing is that you undermine blood relations and give great values to those not.  
bRealTime banner ad on the left side
Site Feedback