April 23, 2011
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I've never cried myself to sleep.

I can't tell you the number of times my friends have come up to me, with red-rimmed eyes that spoke of sleepless nights, and told me that they'd cried themselves to sleep before telling me what was bothering them. If I could empathise, I would. If I couldn't, I still would.

But I've never understood the concept of crying oneself to sleep. Isn't the pain too acute for sleep? Isn't that why you're crying in bed in the first place?

Angels are rendered in stone; so are demons. Where is the difference?

I live like a saint, you live like a trainwreck. We both have the same end, in death. Where is the difference?

I sit here in the dark, no fear, tears drying in itchy salty tracks on my face. My mind spins ribbons of thoughts, which reminds me of brain tentacles, from Harry Potter.

I devour books again and again. There's nothing in them I don't know, which is much more than I can say for my own life.

Harry Potter's name came out of the Goblet of Fire. Goblets are pretty. The last time I read about goblets was in...the retelling of Cinderella. That was a good book.

I like to drown myself in thoughts, in whirlwinds of colourful words that compose stories in my head. These stories splash some colour on my landscape, colour that falls down like rain. Soon it will bleached dry, black and white again. But for now it's technicolour, as I weave in and out of thoughts, mere thoughts that make reality fiction.

People, real, fictional, talk, converse in my head. They have their problems, somehow simpler than mine. They're not perfect, but nobody expects them to be. That's why they're so real.

I sigh as I lay in bed, and let thoughts and dreams carry me into unconsciousness. Dreams and thoughts are separated by a fine line in my head...

Dreams are a legitimate refuge, thoughts are not.

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This article has 6 comments. Post your own now!

carlos said...
May 4, 2011 at 4:12 am
I dig this; it has a sense of depth, and the sentence structure is nice. It's easy to read, and I like how it's pragmatic. Good job, I'd say. 
DungeonDweller said...
Apr. 30, 2011 at 10:39 am


I'd tell you it's beautiful, but that you already know. I envy you, for having worded it so perfectly. 

It's like you know, you know everything. Me, inside out. 

EyesWideShut This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
May 1, 2011 at 2:29 am
Well, I'd say we're too similar, but that you already know. :)
ForeverIsADistance01 replied...
May 11, 2011 at 2:24 am
What I like about this is the rambling talk which is worded so perfectly. You're drifting in and out of the topic like you're weaving a fabric! Good job!
PJD17 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 29, 2011 at 8:32 pm
This is really good keep it up i really liked this  could you please check out and comment on my story Numb.  i would really appreciate the feeedback
EyesWideShut This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 30, 2011 at 10:17 am

Thanks. :)

 I will most definitely check out your work.

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