Awake and Unafraid

Day 1 -

Even though today was my first day, I feel like I have been here longer than 6 hours. I have 2 more weeks here. Hopefully, I'll make it through. What am I saying? I'll probably die here rather than see my family again. They should have just let me go when I was diagnosed, and I had it all planned out. That way we wouldn't have been going through all this. I've made one friend here, his name is Rian. He is here for prescription drug abuse. He is pretty nice, just got messed up. I guess if your in here your supposed to be messed up right? Ha

Day 3 -

So I have eaten stale pretzels all while I have been here. Best thing ever!!! Me, Rian and his friend Damon are in this talk group with some other kids to talk about how we can grow. I told them I have nowhere to grow. Because if this disease doesn't kill me I will. Now that I'm writing this down, I can tell why they put me in the 'immediate help room.' I would put my self here after hearing that. But I just trying to mess with these whack-os heads. Like I would honestly tell anybody when I am going to leave. Yeah right!

Day 6 –

THIS PLACE SUCKS! I got added another week. Why? I do not know. My parents say it's best. Screw them! Cannot wait to meet the devil.

Day 7 -

Today's going pretty good. I can't get enough of Rian, I really think that there is a connection. Maybe even a big enough one to stay and enjoy it. I think Damon is mad that we are spending all our time together though.

Day 10 -

Almost half-way done, with this rehab crap! Not really excited though. Think I am going to go out for a walk, later_


Day 14 -

Today was amazing, I am feeling so much more alive!! I have decided that the walls in my room though SUCK! They are this puky color brown and gray. With a hint of dandy-lions. What the Hell. It's like they are trying to bore me. Anyway, besides that, I kissed Rian today. I think he enjoyed it more than me. I feel like I was wasting my time. But he is a great friend. So it's cool I guess.

Day 15 -

I finally realized what I am supposed to do thanks to my parents!!! What would I be without them … Hmm.. I don't know HAPPY! No seriously I Don't Know. 6 days until my rehab is supposed to be done. My family says they know what I am going through. But honestly how can they know? When I don't even know myself...

Day 20 -

Today we are headed to a freedom day. Which is where we get to see the world, and live life. For ONE DAY. I am on the bus right now. But you know what, I am not coming back to the rehab center. I'm tired of all this bull they are trying to put in my head. So hopefully someone finds this and they can say they knew me...'Cause right now I can't say so myself. I am tired of being treated like a charity case. That is the reason I'm here, because I am not ' perfect ' like the rest of my house. Ha! The solution to this is simple.

Day 21 -

Aislynn was supposed to get out today. But she got out yesterday. Aislynn, I will always remember you. I'm so glad to have known you. - Rian

You were always a mess Aislynn, I wish you would have given yourself the chance to overcome the greater fears in life. We will always love you. You didn't have to leave. - Mom & Dad

When we were little you always told me, that death wasn't anything to be afraid of. But you never told me to sit there teasing it. People die from Cancer Aislynn!! You were getting cured. But you still chose to die. Sometimes people don't have the choice, you did. Why did you choose death? Why!! You weren't the only one who's life was affected you know. I hope your happy now. Like you always said to me, ' we all go to hell. ' I know what you meant now. I hope its what you wanted it to be. - Your Bro, Kevin.


I have never cried this much! I hadn't talked to you for so long. Ever since 7th grade that was two years ago. I feel horrible, I knew something was bothering you. I never came and visited you at all. I was scared, please forgive... - Sara


These entries you wrote are gonna get put up on the wall here, and the home page. I just want you to know, that Rian really cared about you. I did to. I miss you. So much. And I was never jealous. Actually I just felt like crap a lot. I'm glad I had the chance to spend time with you. You were a great person, to answer your question I think you would have made an amazing cartoonist. I will always keep the picture of the forbidden spider. - Damon





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