The Burglar on the Menu

March 16, 2011
Ray was a sly burglar. He knew every loophole in the law. He had robbed every house in the neighborhood, except one. Billy Green’s domicile was untouched.

Billy Green was an upper middle class man. It is said that he has valuable antiques in his garage. They were worth a fortune. Ray had to have them.

It was May 23, 2011. Mr. Green had gone out for the day, which gave Ray a chance to rob the place. He took pictures of the whole perimeter of Mr. Green’s fenced backyard. There was not one sign that reads “No Trespassing”.

Ray hopped over the fence, his feet landed on the ground, and metal teeth snapped at his leg like a Venus-flytrap. A wailing scream flooded the neighborhood. Ray stopped after he noticed that the entire backyard had bear traps.

“How deep is the chain, Ray asked, “It couldn’t be too deep, could it?” Ray dug into the ground, and minutes later he pulled the chain out. Dirt was deep in his fingernails, and his dirty hands were as red as blood.

Ray decided to leave so that he could sue instead of getting Mr. Green’s antiques the hard way. His hand reaches for the fence to climb back over it, but then he felt the sting of thunder. His body was electrocuted. It wasn’t enough to kill him, but it was enough to push him back. He fell to the ground, and his head landed right next to another bear trap.

The only way out was through Mr. Green’s house. Ray walked around all of the bear traps to get to the backdoor. He stepped inside; not one trap was visible to Ray’s sharp, naked eye. A thought crossed his mind. “While I’m on my way out, I could steal his antiques, walk out the front door, and then sue him for everything else he’s got.”

Ray stepped into the garage, but before he could flip the light switch, he heard a car pull into the driveway. Ray’s heart was filled with fear, but that fear was immediately smothered by the idea of hiding in the attic. He pulled the ladder down after opening it, and climbs up in a hurry. Before Ray could turn on the attic lights, and pull up the ladder to close the door, he noticed a smell. There was a hint of dead insects, but there was an aroma completely new to him.

Ray flips the switch, and to his surprise, he sees hundreds of skeletons with bear traps on their legs. Some even had bear traps on their arms. Spiders, scorpions, and maggots had housed themselves within the skulls of the unfortunate guests. Fear in Ray’s heart, a quiver in his stomach, and a whitening in his face. Unable to bear the sight, Ray immediately climbed down, and closed the attic door without noticing that the lights in the garage were already turned on.

Mr. Green stood in front of the door. He held a baseball bat and wore a bib with a lobster on it. His right eye was looking round, and his left eye was red. His red eye was staring onto Ray. Mr. Green licks his lips and screams, “PIÑATA!”





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