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It's Kind Of A Stupid Story
Dark damp cement cell, iron bars surround small enclosed area ,One toilet . Smells like pedophiles
All enter left
Palowski banging head against wall, Chief pacing back and forth.
Gritts: Hey guys, do you realize how lucky we are?
Palowski stops banging head against wall.
Palowski: Gritts, how could we possibly be lucky?
Gritts: Uh…We’re in the same cell!
Palowski: You’re an idiot. We’re in jail, for killing a cat named Afro Bonkers Captain Flash.
Chief: They are chilling the toilet seats! I love chilled toilet seats!
Police and Charlie start playing instruments
Guard: You guys can’t have those! Give them too me!
Police and Charlie give instruments to guards
Palowski notices Gritts carving.
Palowski: Gritts…What are you doing?
Gritts: I’m carving a shank for protection! You know what they say about prison.
Palowski: You’re carving a shank, with a knife. If you want protection, USE THE KNIFE.
Chief: HEY! You guys want to lose a gold star for fighting?
Palowski: We’re in prison. There are no gold stars, and you aren’t our boss anymore!
Police: Hey guys! Did I hear something about gold stars!?
Charlie: (Russian accent) We need to get out of here comrade.
Chief: He’s right! Lets kick it in to high gear!
All kick except Palowski
Palowski: Did you guys just kick over there?
Police: Yeah…We heard kicking it into high gear.
Palowski: Are you kidding me? You guys are trained like dogs!
Police and Charlie pull out other instruments
Guard: Hey! You guys can’t have those! Give them to me!
Police and Charlie give instruments to guards
Guards: Ok…Do you guys have any other instruments?!
Police and Charlie look at each other nervously
Charlie and Police: …No…
Gritts: I’ve got an idea of how we could break out!
Chief: Let’s hear it then.
Gritts: Ok. First off, we need spoons. We will then carve them into knives, and dig our way under the other cells and into Jim’s house. We would then take the weights and break…
Police: (interrupting) Seriously? It’s a gym. Not Jim’s house.
Gritts: Ok…Well we take the weights and break the wall into the basketball court. Then take the knives and dig under the fence out into freedom!
Chief: Sounds like a solid plan to me.
Charlie: (Irish)Yeah, I like the sound of that.
Palowski: Ok, here’s where your plan starts to be flawed. First of all, you have a knife, and a shank for some reason. We don’t need spoons. Also, we could literally dig three feet at the back of our cell and be outside.
Chief: Yeah, but when do we get the weights? Your plan is absolutely absurd.
Charlie: (Asian accent) Oh there you go…
Chief: Don’t even say it.
Police: But when do you guys get us out?
Gritts: I already have this figured out. When we get out, we’ll come back and get you.
Palowski: You’re an idiot. We shouldn’t come back if we already escaped.
Palowski, Gritts, and Chief enter right
All standing outside of jail in bright daylight
Palowski: I can’t believe this actually worked…
Chief: Why? It was fool proof!
Gritts: Now all we have to do is get back in to rescue Police and Charlie.
All exit left
Charlie and Police enter left into their cell
Charlie and Police pull out Congas and start playing loudly
Guard: Seriously!? Where did you get those!?!
Police: My mom made me a cake.
Guards: You can’t have those! Give them to me!
Police and Charlie hand them over
Charlie: (Crazy crack dealer accent) We have to get out of here!
Police: I know! I can’t take it anymore! I feel like we’ve been in here forever!
Charlie: (Spanish accent) Yeah, just about.
Police: I hope they come back soon.
Charlie: Yeah…This reminds me of being captured in Nicaragua…It was horrible.
Police: That’s horrible! How long were you in there? Like a few months?
Charlie: No…(Long pause) Ten hours.
Police: I guess we just need to wait it out then.
Police and Charlie in cell
Palowski, Gritts, and Chief enter Right
Chief: Ok. We’re back in our cell. Now what?
Palowski: I still can’t believe we’re doing this…
Gritts: I already have a plan. We’re going to go out, and take a left. Then, go down the next hallway, executing approximately 50 thousand guards. Then take another left and grab the key off of the head guard. As we approach the cell we’ll take a table saw, and cut the bars out, leaving them to follow us to freedom.
Palowski: Ok… Let me just stop you there. First of all, we don’t have to go down any hallways. They’re RIGHT NEXT TO US! Also, if we already have a key, why do we need a table saw!? And there is no way there’s 50 thousand guards in here!
Police: Hey! Never underestimate the power of police officers.
Charlie: Yeah, I think I like that plan more than yours Palowski.
Chief: I actually think we’re going to have to go to Palowski’s plan this time. I don’t have a gun to kill anybody.
All back inside their cells
Gritts: Told you your plan wouldn’t work.
Police: Yeah! You guys are idiots!
Guard walks over
Guard: You guys do realize that you only had a five hour sentence right?
Charlie: (British accent) That doesn’t matter ol’ chap.
Guard: Actually, you only had about ten minutes left before you would have been released, and this crime is punishable by at least six years in prison.
Gritts: Well guys, looks like we’re cell buddies again!