Frelance? Or thoughts of a borken young lover?

March 3, 2011
By , Charlotte, NC
Today the rain had hit me harder than I had actually expected it to.
I realized it had been a dull day to begin with, also that the weather man’s predictions might actually work out by the minute. Never had I thought that it’d get this bad though.
Once the first drop of rain hit my palm with a silent drip, it all came crashing down all around me, as did I.
I instantly hit the ground with a loud thud.
Honestly, I never expected to break down in a place like this. Never expected to break down whatsoever, matter of fact, I expected my self to at least stay cool until I got home, like I had always done.
I guess you could call these types of moments the “overflow” of things.
And as I laid there, on the school parking lot, drenched and being rained upon, my tears began to mix with the rain. I can’t seem to find the will power to get up anymore.
Luckily everyone had left the school an hour or two earlier. So I was left alone, to wallow in my own pit of sorrow.
I flipped over, allowing the rain to hit me dead on. I closed my eyes then, thinking that in this rain, if someone came by, I could play it off as if I had slipped and the rain had attacked my eyes along with my fall. Like the water from the sky was the slick drops that carelessly ran down my cheeks.
I wonder if someone came by, they’d realize that something was obviously wrong with me.
Ha.
The only person I know who’d actually realize what my eyes are actually doing wouldn’t come looking for me. I’m a memory to him now.
Nobody ever remembers Claire Morgenstern.
I wonder what he’s doing now.
The rain is quickening.
I wonder if it will wash me away.
Everyone always finds the rain to be depressing, and even though I’m crying in its storm, I’ve never thought it once to be like that.
The rain always gave me this calm, beautiful feeling. I always enjoyed looking at it from my window. Even in the middle of the night. Every time I’d hear a mere drip or two at my window ceil, I’d stay awake until it began to rain heavily. That’s when I’d get up and switch on the lamp, pull up a chair next to the window and get a book, I’d plop on that chair and listen. Reading along with the wonderful sound It makes. I had always enjoyed the rains sweet company.
But now it seems the tables have turned. The rain had been waiting for my break through the clouds that hid my true light.
The light that was hidden behind those clouds, that light just wanted to break down. Wanted to show how much pain it’d been hiding.
Now I’m still laying here. Eyes closed, rain seeming to enjoy the company of my tears.
My mind goes back to him.
I sit up then, trying to focus my thoughts on other things, but his smile haunts my head, day and night. Even though my smile could never once, appear in his.
It’s sad though.
This seems like those damn teenage romance things I see most girls reading about.
Speaking of which, he’d always been quite popular with the female population.
Such a flirt he is.
I stand and shift my eyes to the schools clock tower.
7:49pm
I should be getting home anyway.
As I turn, I cant help but wonder why I was here for so long..
A sudden realization hits me.
What a fool I was.
I had been waiting for someone who would never come. Never wipe my tears and make them go away. Never save me.
Fool.
More of those idiotic tears of mine began to fall again.
I wonder why the sky drips water upon this sad world of ours.
Could it really just be evaporation and the usual cycle?
Or is this the earth’s ways of shedding humanity’s sorrows?
Hmm
I walked away then, tears still streaming from my eyes.
I wiped them away and kept walking, back to the place that was so called, “home.”





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