I was on my way home from my mothers funeral. She had died in a fire, I was thinking of how terrible our lives will be for a while. My brother dropped me off and then left immediately. I opened the door to see my severely burnt father hanging from the ceiling with a rope tied around his neck and blood dropping from his mouth. This sounds disturbing and unthinkable but try putting yourself in my perspective. What would you do? Why would you do it? I just simply took off my shirt and looked in the mirror, it kind of disturbed me that my father was hanging in the living room so I quickly got the scissors. I took the kitchen chair and put it next to him, I stood on the chair and right before I was about to cut, he fell to the floor and made a large thump. I began to sob and cry like a little baby, I felt weak and useless. I am not the crying type but seeing that and thinking of the tragic loss I felt awful and wanted nothing. I did not sleep a wink that night and because of that I know that my brother never came home that night. I called him on his cell phone but he never answered. I waited for a long time but he never showed, five days after my brother left I called the police and told them everything. They put me in a group home, I hated all the kids and it smelled funny. I didn't speak, the entire time I was there. The parents would ask me questions but I would ignore them and not even make eye contact. I didn't speak for seven months, until therapist had the nerve to ask me, how I was doing? I looked directly at him and I read him the exact story that you have just read.
Nothing at All
February 26, 2011