Life as I know it... Chapter 3

February 6, 2011
I sat on my bed and looked outside my window. I listened to rain make Pitter Patter noises as it hit my window.

As the rain fell harder, the larger my thoughts grew. I remembered Zach and our first kiss. I remembered the first date. I remembered it all, crystal clear.

The touch of our lips, the wispy way he said my name, the laughs we shared. I missed these things. I yearned to feel the happiness that once controlled me. The confidence inside me. Zach was my life line, and without him, I was a walking time bomb. Ready to give up and explode to bits.

I took out the math homework from today, trying to do something to get my mind off of him... The one I needed. The one I wanted...

Oh right, math homework. I opened up to page 325 in my text book, scribbling down numbers I though would fit the equation.

Math I kind of like my life. The variable is like my life, always changing. Stuck in problems. Solving inequalities is trying to find someone whose life is equal to mine, almost impossible for me. I hated how I even thought of relating my life to something as horrible as math. Is that really what my life has become? So horrible and pathetic? Yes, this is exactly me. I deserve it.

I got up from my bed and dragged myself towards the kitchen. While walking in, I found the uncomfortable feeling that I was being watched, looked at, judged. Sure, I get this feeling a lot, but this was from someone I loved. My own mother. "Hi mom." I mumbled. My mother attached herself to her boyfriend and shooed me away. See, even my mom has a love life. I thought to myself. I stumbled towards the fridge to eat something. Cookies? No, they contain too much fat. Strawberries? Zach's favorite..

I stopped. Zach's favorite food.. I craved Zach, I craved the feeling of being close to him. I felt greedy, but took all of the strawberries and hoarded them into my room. Eating each one, I felt a bit closer to who I love. I felt he too was feasting on strawberries with me. I felt complete. How could I feel so complete from food? From berries, at that.

It was raining when I got up the next morning, mostly like my mood. I dragged myself up and out of bed to get ready.





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