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I am a Recovering Addict
I’m with Whitney, Mike and Thomas in Tom’s car on our way to see Cody’s Football game. Cody has b m friend since freshmen year. It’s only the biggest Rival game of the year. We are on our way to Farmington Field when Mike fired up a joint. "What’s that smell" I wonder as the smell finds its way into the back seat. “It's just weed man, chill out, here take a toke". Mike turns around from the front passenger seat and passes me the joint. "Smoke it like a cigarette, but hold the smoke in" he said as he reached his arm out to me.
"Is it okay, I mean it won’t kill me will it?" Sweat was rolling off my face. I knew it was against my better judgment, but as the peer pressure kicked in it felt like I just had to do it. That is how I was introduced to Marijuana. Through people that I thought were friends.
It’s now April and I’m sitting in my bedroom talking to people on face book. When my friend Bruce texted me. "Hey man, were going over to Cody’s, I bought some weed and me and Mikes going to smoke it with Cody, wanna get high?” Yet again the peer pressure kicked in and I was in the same situation I was in the night of the football game. I felt like If I had said no that all my friends would have looked down upon me. So of all places we went behind the town gas Station and got high. I don’t know how the people inside didn’t smell it.
I started using Marijuana as a habitual user. I didn’t want to eat or do much of anything unless I was high. Mostly I stayed holed up in my room with my bong, the door locked and my music blasting. This was the life I had come to know. My happiness was only centered on marijuana. I took on the culture, and all the clichés an addict would. I was suffering from depression of losing my high school sweetheart. It seemed the only way to escape life. It seemed all the answers to my problems was this green stuff rolled up in some paper. If only I knew the facts like I do now.
My father is making me go with him to work today. He works at some roadway construction site in Rochester, our neighboring city. We get there a little after six in the morning, I would rather be sleeping right now. My dad’s job is to lay concrete over a bridge frame. While he was busy doing that, I went out to the car, sweet my dad left the keys in the ignition. I started the car and drove off, I don’t have my license, but I rather be in jail then at the job site. I pulled into a convenience store; my plan was to get some coffee and/or a red bull. I walked in and instantly my mind was taken to the sun and back. There was this beautiful girl over by the coffee machine. I had to introduce myself, but I smelled like a garbage can, I haven’t taken a shower in weeks. I moved my way to the back of the store. I found a shelf full of cheap perfume. I sprayed myself with 20 different bottles. Okay, here we go. I walked up next to her casually and pulled out a 16oz cup and started to pour my coffee. She looked over to me; I acted like I couldn’t see her staring at me.
“Anthony?’ She pondered, and then I looked up quickly at her.
“How do you know my name?” I asked, moving my coffee over to the creamer.
“You’re in my school, you know B-Block English.” She paused looking deeper into my eyes. “You go to Newt, don’t you?” And that is when it hit me. Her name was Katelynn McCoy. How could I be so stupid, it’s just been my memory has been so bad lately I can barely remember what I had for breakfast sometime? Maybe I should quit using, that should help me. I asked her out on a date as she said yes. Tonight were going to the movies.
Once my father and I got home around three o’clock, I got immediately in the shower, and washed for over an hour. I clipped my hair, and shaved my sideburns, and dressed in my less smelly pair of clothes. My father goes to bed early every night and my mother works second shift, so I snuck out with his car and picked her up at five. We went and saw some romance movie; she had such a great time she asked me for a second date.
I started keeping up my appearance and wellbeing, I stopped smoking, and took up a tutoring class for my D-block math class, turns out Katelynn tutors too.
But Katelynn only delayed my habit, about a month after we started dating I took the habit back full throttle. This time it was worse than any other I driven to smoke and abuse the substance 110%. After about three months she noticed too, and it caused a lot of problems between me and her. What finally hurt the relationship was one night when we were at the movies. Someone at my school informed her mother that I was a "stoner". This kept Katelynn and I apart for about three and a half weeks. Somehow we managed to work things out. She really liked me, she just didn’t want me to smoke and I didn’t want to anymore, but I am addicted. Life was getting better, or at least I thought, I made it two weeks then I met Kevin. He seemed like an older brother to me. Someone I could really relate to and yet someone who enjoyed marijuana as much as I did. This was unknowingly my down fall. I dove yet even deeper into my addiction. I found myself every weekend spending anywhere from $50 to $80 on weed. It got to where I didn’t even want to spend time with Katelynn only the green plant. All I wanted to do is stay at Kevin’s house and get high. Regardless of the situation Katelynn got quiet sick with this situation and told me it’s her or the weed. We broke up multiple times and I always seemed to go back to weed. I just needed away to stay clean and not relapse.
This has been going on for over a year and Katelynn and I have been dating on and off.
I am still smoking pot very heavily, she knew it and she didn’t want to admit to it, but deep down she knew. Her mother went thru her diary and found out that I still smoked. That nailed the coffin shut and led to the most heart wrenching break up I ever had to bear On top of this my Grandmother passed away, she was always there for me when was a kid. Now I lost my entire world and it seemed everything was in the toilet. My world had been rocked off its toothpick foundation. I was alone for the first time in my life. I was truly alone. My whole inner circle was Katelynn, Kevin, Mike and Thomas, and I couldn’t talk to Katelynn, and the guys would probably hook me up. I don’t know what to do anymore.
My mother sent me to my Aunt and Uncle’s house for my February vacation. My Aunts and Uncle discovered the life I had been leading, because they went through my phone and discovered my text messages. So my Aunt offered me a choice. Quit cold turkey and she would not tell my Parents, and she would even get me a vehicle if I could do it. If I didn’t comply she wouldn’t tell my parents, but she would inform the school councilor, who would defiantly tell my parents. I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror and asked myself "Would I be a happier, better person if I stopped abusing?" Then I realized I’ve gained nothing from smoking it. I only lost everything I had while pursuing my buzz. It was this instance that I realized what truly matters to me.