The 11 days I pushed myself agasint all my limits

February 2, 2011
By , hartsdale, NY
Dear Erik,

I thought you were harmless. No matter what everyone said, I believed in you. But you took everything away from me, and for that I can never forgive you.

Tuesday afternoon’s in September are sunlight, warm, and exciting. It was on a Tuesday afternoon in September when we meet. Walking into Jazz band for the first time, my sticks were glued to my hip, and I didn’t notice anyone I knew. Sitting down at the drum set, I look up and see a pair of drums sticks attached to a 6’1, brown-eyed, junior. It was you. I try to recall your face in my mind from the past, but nothing appears. Not knowing what to do, you walk towards me with an open hand and you name. The word “Erik” slips off you tongue. For the rest of the time, that was closest thing we had to a conversation.

Mid fall came fast, and the most we’ve said to each other was “who’s getting the music”. But, things changed when a conversation struck on Facebook. At this time, we didn’t know that this small conversation would lead to something bigger than the both of us put together. It started out small, just an average discussion on music and Glee. Before I logged of, I gave you my number, so we can continue talking. I had little faith in you texting back, until my cell phone buzzed. The number seemed unfamiliar, which made me smile. The text opened, your name appeared, and my heart raced. It took just a couple of days until texting each other became apart of our daily life.

My feelings for you came quickly after that, and soon enough I was hooked. You knew what to say, when to say it, and anytime I got a text from you my heart skipped a beat.

Sunday night I was home alone until 11pm and, with no surprise, I was texting you. When we were talking, I brought up how I was alone. It was only a matter of minuets until I heard your car pull up in my drive way. You walked into my house with a smile on your face. Not knowing what to do, we plopped down on my living room couch and talked about everything. Parties, school, music, if it was a topic, we talked about it. Your arm was tightly wrapped around me. Out of no where, something put pressure on my forehead. It took me about 10 seconds to realize that it was your lips kissing me. Then the words poured out of you mouth:” will you go out with me”. To my freshman ears, those were the most sacred words to come out of a junior’s mouth. Without wasting a breath I accepted it. Your hand took my chin, pulled my face closer, and kissed me. I was in awe.

Thanksgiving break arose. Because we didn’t have school the next day, you took me out to get ice cream. Of course, you friends tagged along, but it was still enjoyable. After the “date”, you drove to the Middle School park. The brisk, November air hit our faces when we got out the car. You tired to put you arm around me, but because of the awkward height difference, it didn’t work. Star gazing on the field was wonderful though. Snuggled into your chest, I told you that this made up for the mess-up at the date. You told me that you would want to die like how we were. Cuddled up together, star gazing, and kissing, began the 11 days that would crush us.

Break took us by storm. Wednesday night, you picked me up at my house. Like a gentleman, you walked up to my door and meet my mom. We both praised that my dad wasn’t there. I hopped into you car and glared out the window. My mom’s face popped up behind the curtains to see if we left. When my eyes spotted that, I screamed at you to zoom away. For about a half-an-hour, we drove around Ardsley not knowing what to do. Then you brought up the idea of going to the High School. My head nodded, as you drove in that direction. After you parked the car in the back, you pulled down the seats in the car. We both climbed into the back and you held me close. Our faces turned to each other at the same time, and out lips pulled together like magnets. In a matter of seconds, I was on top of you. Your hands stirred up and down my back, until you found what you were looking for, my bra clips. I didn’t want this, but my mind turned on me and told me to go for it because you’re a junior. Once you unclipped my bra you slid it off me with my shirt attached. When your hands touched my chest, I felt your heart start to race. For some strange reason I enjoyed the way it felt, and let you do what ever you wanted. I sat up and looked at your car’s clock. We both agreed that we had to go, and we try to locate our shirts. You drove me back to my house, with a lie to tell my parent, and a different me.

The next couple of days….well I wasn’t so proud about what happened. We speed things up a lot. Friday night, after we went bowling with a couple of our friends, we drove back to the park. Only this time, you had something else on your mind that I wasn't aware of. As we were talking in your car, I was laying on top of you. You asked me to do something, that I wasn't fully comfortable with, but then gave me the “peer-pressure-guilt” spiel. I felt bad, and the rush of thrill kicked in, so I did it. A couple of seconds later your friends pulled up and you informed them on what just happened. They looked at me, then looked back at you and gave you the “nice-job-man-way-to-be” stare. You didn't know it then, but I was going against what I believed in, and it was just getting started.

My final breaking point happened a week later on Saturday. Like always, you picked me up at my house and we had no idea where to go or what to do. After an hour of driving around, you drove us to your house. We walked in to find that the house was to ourselves. As you were giving me a tour, I located your bedroom. You followed me in and I plopped down on you bed. Now here's where everything got upsetting and awkward. You tired forcing me to do something that was 5 years out of my comfort zone. But, instead of guilt tripping me, you grabbed me and forced it all. I didn't show you any emotion, because I didn't know what to do about this. For the final time, I got into your car and drove me home.

Theses 11 days changed me into someone I never wanted to, because of you. I will never forgive you for the traumatic events you put me through.




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Paradyme said...
Apr. 21, 2011 at 8:20 pm

Thank you for the interesting story, Miss :)

I'm the stranger from Omegle earlier if you remember me.

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