January 25, 2011
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I was awake, but my eyes were still closed. Feeling hot, and sweaty, I pushed the blankets off my arms and shoulders, trying to cool off. It hadn’t occurred to me that it was winter, not summer. Realizing something wasn’t right; I opened my eyes, and froze. An eerie crackling noise filled the room. Flames were erupting from my door, dark smoke drifting around the room. Small flames flickered across the carpet, turning it black. I knew that unless I wanted to be burned alive, I had to get out.
Climbing out of my soft bed, and being careful not to step on the burning carpet, I headed towards the window. I pulled up the glass to find my self-trapped by the screen. I grabbed my bedside table, and rammed it through the screen, ripping it open. As I swung my leg over the side of the window, and dropped into the yard, I was really glad we didn’t live in a two story house. I didn’t really know the people very well, but there was a light on in their house, so I rushed over and started abusing their doorbell. After I explained what was going on, they’re eyes grew wide in panic as they raced for the phone.
Before they could stop me, I charged back to my home. I circled the house in panic and frustration; peering in any windows with the blinds up, trying to figure out where else the fire had spread. When I reached my little sister’s bedroom window, I saw that no sign of the fire had reached her room. To my relief, smoke wasn’t visible in the room. Lannie was sleeping peacefully with our orange tabby, Sonny. After I finished banging on the window, Sonny’s round head popped up, looking at me. I wondered if he was smart enough to realize there was a fire, but either he wasn’t, or he was still mostly asleep because he laid his head back down again.
I pounded my fists against the window until finally, Lannie sat up. It didn’t take her long to catch on, and soon we had broken her window and were deciding what to do, the large cat in Lannie’s arms.
Suddenly, with wailing sirens, a fire truck and ambulance were parked on the side of the road. Before we knew it, they had hooked up a large hose to the nearest fire hydrant and firemen were entering our burning house. The neighbors who had called them stood outside with us, not knowing what else to do.
Emergency workers were all over us, making sure we didn’t have any burns, even though I kept ensuring them we didn’t.
When the fireman finally dragged our parents out of the house, we barely had time to talk to them before the Emergency people left us, crowding around them instead.
Still clutching Sonny, who simply blinked sleepily in Lannie’s arms, we made our way to our parents. They were glad to know we hadn’t inhaled as much smoke as they had. After the fireman had put out the fire inside our house, I couldn’t help but feel disappointed that probably most of our belongings had been either burned or soaked. But as all four of us stood in our yard, holding our cat, I realized that everything important had survived.

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This article has 8 comments. Post your own now!

SpringRayyn said...
Feb. 13, 2011 at 11:22 pm
I hate how word limits come in contests, they limit not only words, but creativity. This is okay, but I don't really think it's the best I've seen, no offence. I liked the "abusing their doorbell" line, it made me laugh. :) I personally think it could have used more descriptiveness, expecially when you talk about the parents being glad they didn't inhale too much smoke.
Coffee replied...
Feb. 25, 2011 at 12:21 pm
Yeah when i edited to fit the word limit I squished a bunch of sentances together so it's not very detailed or good.  had to take out a lot of the good stuff. Unfotenuetly I didn't win. And no, haha I'm not offended, I totally know what you're talking about. I might edit it sometime and repost it, without the word limit. ;)
Mgymnast This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 3, 2011 at 1:33 am
this is really good! i love how descriptive you were! i could picture what was going on perfectly!! Also, Good luck with the writing contest!! I know you'll do well!! :)
Coffee replied...
Feb. 6, 2011 at 3:13 pm

Thank you! I can't wait to know what the results were.

I'm glad you thought it was descriptive. i was worried it was bland because of the 500 word limit on the contest

Jsweetness replied...
Feb. 6, 2011 at 4:22 pm
i liked it too=). i just think she should've been a lot more panicked when she saw the flames and when she realized her sister was still in the house. and don't forget that smoke plays a big role in fire.
Coffee replied...
Feb. 9, 2011 at 9:33 pm

well she knew her whole family was in the house. and again- word limit. i guess i often don't get to far in my stories so i don't have much practice with "panicked". yeah, i know. her parents inhaled a lot of smoke. there was no real fire near Lannie's room yet, so she was affected by the smoke, just not as much.

but thanks!

Hazel-daisy This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Feb. 11, 2011 at 6:08 pm
Yeah I like it too. It felt like it would be part of a novel or even a long short story (if there is such a thing?!) it seemed like a good story and I get a clear image in my head of what it was like which is good! Well done!!
Coffee replied...
Feb. 25, 2011 at 12:17 pm
I actually think it will become part of my novel Splash (ssshh don't tell anyone. lol)
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