Flaming

January 25, 2011
By Coffee BRONZE, Tallahassee, Florida
Coffee BRONZE, Tallahassee, Florida
4 articles 5 photos 184 comments

Favorite Quote:
Your Face.


I was awake, but my eyes were still closed. Feeling hot, and sweaty, I pushed the blankets off my arms and shoulders, trying to cool off. It hadn’t occurred to me that it was winter, not summer. Realizing something wasn’t right; I opened my eyes, and froze. An eerie crackling noise filled the room. Flames were erupting from my door, dark smoke drifting around the room. Small flames flickered across the carpet, turning it black. I knew that unless I wanted to be burned alive, I had to get out.
Climbing out of my soft bed, and being careful not to step on the burning carpet, I headed towards the window. I pulled up the glass to find my self-trapped by the screen. I grabbed my bedside table, and rammed it through the screen, ripping it open. As I swung my leg over the side of the window, and dropped into the yard, I was really glad we didn’t live in a two story house. I didn’t really know the people very well, but there was a light on in their house, so I rushed over and started abusing their doorbell. After I explained what was going on, they’re eyes grew wide in panic as they raced for the phone.
Before they could stop me, I charged back to my home. I circled the house in panic and frustration; peering in any windows with the blinds up, trying to figure out where else the fire had spread. When I reached my little sister’s bedroom window, I saw that no sign of the fire had reached her room. To my relief, smoke wasn’t visible in the room. Lannie was sleeping peacefully with our orange tabby, Sonny. After I finished banging on the window, Sonny’s round head popped up, looking at me. I wondered if he was smart enough to realize there was a fire, but either he wasn’t, or he was still mostly asleep because he laid his head back down again.
I pounded my fists against the window until finally, Lannie sat up. It didn’t take her long to catch on, and soon we had broken her window and were deciding what to do, the large cat in Lannie’s arms.
Suddenly, with wailing sirens, a fire truck and ambulance were parked on the side of the road. Before we knew it, they had hooked up a large hose to the nearest fire hydrant and firemen were entering our burning house. The neighbors who had called them stood outside with us, not knowing what else to do.
Emergency workers were all over us, making sure we didn’t have any burns, even though I kept ensuring them we didn’t.
When the fireman finally dragged our parents out of the house, we barely had time to talk to them before the Emergency people left us, crowding around them instead.
Still clutching Sonny, who simply blinked sleepily in Lannie’s arms, we made our way to our parents. They were glad to know we hadn’t inhaled as much smoke as they had. After the fireman had put out the fire inside our house, I couldn’t help but feel disappointed that probably most of our belongings had been either burned or soaked. But as all four of us stood in our yard, holding our cat, I realized that everything important had survived.


The author's comments:
Yeah, the title is kind of bad. It doesn't really have a good titles yet, I just thought that up because I had to put something. This is my entry for a writing contest, but I thought it was alright, so I'm posting it here. hope you like it! (And I hope I place in the writing contest!)

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This article has 8 comments.


Coffee BRONZE said...
on Feb. 25 2011 at 12:21 pm
Coffee BRONZE, Tallahassee, Florida
4 articles 5 photos 184 comments

Favorite Quote:
Your Face.

Yeah when i edited to fit the word limit I squished a bunch of sentances together so it's not very detailed or good.  had to take out a lot of the good stuff. Unfotenuetly I didn't win. And no, haha I'm not offended, I totally know what you're talking about. I might edit it sometime and repost it, without the word limit. ;)

Coffee BRONZE said...
on Feb. 25 2011 at 12:17 pm
Coffee BRONZE, Tallahassee, Florida
4 articles 5 photos 184 comments

Favorite Quote:
Your Face.

I actually think it will become part of my novel Splash (ssshh don't tell anyone. lol)

on Feb. 13 2011 at 11:22 pm
SpringRayyn PLATINUM, Lakeville, Minnesota
34 articles 2 photos 658 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't punish yourself," she heard her say again, but there would be punishment and pain, and there would be happiness too. That was writing."
--Markus Zusak, "The Book Thief"

I hate how word limits come in contests, they limit not only words, but creativity. This is okay, but I don't really think it's the best I've seen, no offence. I liked the "abusing their doorbell" line, it made me laugh. :) I personally think it could have used more descriptiveness, expecially when you talk about the parents being glad they didn't inhale too much smoke.

on Feb. 11 2011 at 6:08 pm
Hazel-daisy GOLD, --, Other
19 articles 0 photos 324 comments

Favorite Quote:
It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else - Erna Bombeck

In three words i can sum up everything I've learned in life: it goes on -Robert Frost

Live, Love, Laugh - ______

Hope, Love, breathe <3 - Me

Yeah I like it too. It felt like it would be part of a novel or even a long short story (if there is such a thing?!) it seemed like a good story and I get a clear image in my head of what it was like which is good! Well done!!

Coffee BRONZE said...
on Feb. 9 2011 at 9:33 pm
Coffee BRONZE, Tallahassee, Florida
4 articles 5 photos 184 comments

Favorite Quote:
Your Face.

well she knew her whole family was in the house. and again- word limit. i guess i often don't get to far in my stories so i don't have much practice with "panicked". yeah, i know. her parents inhaled a lot of smoke. there was no real fire near Lannie's room yet, so she was affected by the smoke, just not as much.

but thanks!


on Feb. 6 2011 at 4:22 pm
inksplatteredfingerz SILVER, Union, New Jersey
8 articles 4 photos 48 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Where I'm from, we believe all sorts of things that aren't true--we call it history."--the Wizard; Wicked

i liked it too=). i just think she should've been a lot more panicked when she saw the flames and when she realized her sister was still in the house. and don't forget that smoke plays a big role in fire.

Coffee BRONZE said...
on Feb. 6 2011 at 3:13 pm
Coffee BRONZE, Tallahassee, Florida
4 articles 5 photos 184 comments

Favorite Quote:
Your Face.

Thank you! I can't wait to know what the results were.

I'm glad you thought it was descriptive. i was worried it was bland because of the 500 word limit on the contest


on Feb. 3 2011 at 1:33 am
PerfectMGymnast DIAMOND, Parker, Colorado
57 articles 25 photos 633 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you don't leap you'lll never know what it's like to fly"

this is really good! i love how descriptive you were! i could picture what was going on perfectly!! Also, Good luck with the writing contest!! I know you'll do well!! :)


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