Ring ring ring: hello! hey what's up,nothing girl I need to talk to you about something Michelle, and I know your the only one that will understand me,yes of course you know I'm here for you whatever it is go ahead spill it out. Ok! well I been dating this boy name Chris for a month but I knew him all my life. I trust him he trust me. But he says that he loves me and wants to have my kids one day. before we started dating we agreed that we would not have sex because I wanted to still be a virgin when I get married. And save it for my special love one. That way are night as a new married couple would be special. But when I talked to Chris on the phone last night he says it's time for us to go deeper in are relationship and time for me to give my virginity up. I don't know what to do. But last night I was so close to giving it up and I really don't want to be like most people and be a typical teen girl who dosen't care about losing her virginity before marriage. Can you please help me, because right now I don't know what to do. Honestly I can't tell you what to do, because you are your own person and no matter what I say to you that decision of what you do will be up to you. But I can tell you something I never told nobody before. Your my best friend and I know I can tell you anything. Well last summer I fell in love with this boy named Mosley when I went to stay with my grandma in Baltimore for the summer. Everyday I would spend time with him.he made me feel as if I was a new born baby being loved 24 seven. It was just this strong feeling he had on me. When we kissed I felt as if I was floating in a cloud with possibly everything I ever needed in the world. We talked every morning and every night,I knew for a fact that I was the only special person in his life. I even explained to him how important it was for me to be a virgin on that night I got married. He knew all my accomplishments and knew I didn't want kids no time soon because I had a big future ahead of me. But one night he convinced me to spend the night over his house. It was as if he had everything all planned out. I was a little curious but I didn't question him,because that's how strong my trust in him was. When I arrived I was nervous and there was no one there but us. I asked him ummm we're your family? he excitedly replied! they went on vacation. Then thoughts started to pounder through my mind about what was going on. That night I got in the shower. When I got out he suprisengly appreread. With no questions asled he immediately grabbed my butt and started kissing me.He gently laid me on the bed and was on top of me.When I tried to get up he hurry up inserted into me. All of a sudden I have fallen for all the pleasure he offered me that night.it went on all night long into morning.it was better then his kisses. When it was all over I rushed home didn't even dare to get dressed.I was astonished because no one seen me or no one knew. But my conscious hit me immediately and I felt as if I killed someone, I didn't know what to do.thoughts went through my mind and I started thinking well what if I get pregnant? or catch a sexual disease? my life is over. So I went in the corner of my room turned all the lights out and begin to pray. I asked god for forgiveness and a spirit of peace. I was blessed because i didn't get pregnant and I didn't get any disease but I did lose my virginity to someone who I realized really didn't even love me in the beginning and only wanted me for my body, sex, and something he could Bragg off to his friends. After that I noticed he haven't called me in a week, he didn't come over no more, and when I seen him in person he acted like he didn't know me. It broke my heart, but I realized I make mistakes and I learn from my mistakes! but I also learned that I will never put my self in a position that I know will destroy my life or leave guilt on my heart. Everyone thinks I'm just Michelle the church girl who never does nothing wrong and thinks she's a queen who believes everyone should follow after her or make better changes in there life. Yes I am a church girl,and yes I don't think I'm a queen I know I'm a queen, because when you think about how a queen carries herself and acts then you would know, it's not just a title it's about being put in a category of either a young lady or a hood rat. And of course I choose young lady. But I been through things just like everybody else so i understand what y'all go through. Before I really was in to church or even thinking about god, I use to run market street corners every night, then during the day I was with my goons trying to get this paper, then spending it killing are brain cells smoking up a bunch of weed. I been in situations that the average girl wouldn't of known what to do and barely would have survived, I seen things that even adults wouldn't be able to get off there mind and would Just break down and cry. Omg Michelle I had no idea I thought you been in church all your life and was a good girl. See that's were you have it wrong, because I have been in church all my life but the church wasn't in me. When you gain that strong daughter and father bond with Jesus a lot of things have to change. I've been through a lot and what I told you is just the beginning of what I been through or did. I'm only 14 and I already had every piercing you can think of and I took the risk of doing it myself when I knew that I could have killed myself. I wasn't trying to kill myself but back then I just didn't care. But! but! Michelle how did you go from all of that to were you at now. Well I always had this thing called a brain and it gave me a enormous mount of intelligence but I never used it. I had people praying for me trying to get me in church and everything. Counselors, mentors, and even preachers would try to talk to me. But I would just sit there and not listen because I felt like there nothing but old adults who know nothing about me so why would they possibly care about a teen girl like me.I didn't care about nothing including myself. it took for me to Go to the roughest club in Baltimore with my friend Paula. I grew up with her and she was more like my sister, when we didn't have nobody else we had each other and there wasn't one day we didn't hang out, so one night we decided to go to this club. Are parents said no it's nothing but trouble, but we didn't listen, so we went and we was having the best time ever until two gang groups busted out of no were and started shooting out of no were, me and Paula was right in the middle of it,next thing I know Paula fell right into my arms. Blood was every were. I knew she wasn't going to survive but I yelled,screamed, and cried helped. Someone called the ambulance by the time they got there she was already dead and i was sitting in the corner with her laying on me and blood every were.the paramedics took her away and I cried Nd cried. That changed my whole life and I felt guilty as if it was my fault for her death. Then all these what if 's started going through my mind. That night I couldn't sleep,actually I couldn't sleep that whole month. Then I realized it's time for a change so I went to church the first Sunday In the next month. That day changed my life I got saved and everything. But I had to make the decision that I was Willing to change and go forward and never backwards. I realized that no matter what anyone could have told me or talked to me about. I had to make the decision on my own that I was ready for a change. Sometimes I wish I would have made the right choices in the beginning.That way it wouldn't have been my best friend die right before my eyes for me to change. But then again I'm glad I been through what I been through so I can tell my story to other teen girls. Hoping it will give them a better aspect on life and there life. Ever since that day I been going forward and look at me now I'm pretty decent huh?? Michelle your so crazy and I'm so glad I called you I knew you would be able to help me. But not only have you let me choose the right decision. You may have changed my life just by your story and oh one more thing thanks for being my friend, I love you girl. Aww any time any time. Ighttt girl see you in church Sunday because I'm most definitely going to be there.
Be careful who you date
January 27, 2011