On the other side...

January 20, 2011
As I'm sitting in my green little chair,all dusty with the forest green color fading. I'm looking out into the distance with my child. Her hair golden brown with dark brown tinting streaks. Her face cute as a baby doll with a button noes. The color of her eyes remind me of a deep blue sea that can change to a sea foam green in the time it takes her to change her mood.

All I can think about is what I'm going to do when I'm gone. You see I have a very deadly illness, but it's not contagious,so thank God for that. While I'm sitting here upon my balcony in my little green fading chair, my life is almost like this fading chair. I too am fading away into the heavens above, waiting, just waiting for it to be my last day just so it can be done and over with. So my daughter can soon quickly get over my peacefully but accounted for death.

The clouds look like heaven, the land looks like what it might be before I'm taken....dark...cold...lonely. My heart is beating one...two...three...and so on. I can feel a wheeze come upon my chest as if being suffocated, but every third breath is a sign of faith, that God himself is too waiting for me, for my last moment alive, for my last breath. The air thickening as i breath but that's only my imagination,the air is actually fresh, clean and crisp, but once it hits me it's like POW! to the chest every two times I breath. I'm deciding whether or not to jump over this balcony when my daughter (No scratch that my loving and caring daughter who would risk her life instead of mine, daughter) is not looking just so she does not see me back in the hospital but not alive...dead. For each second I think I take a step closer to the edge of the balcony. As I've been counting down from three I must say one, for I have already thrust-ed my self over the balcony. My last words were: I love you my baby girl.





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