I miss you

January 20, 2011
By Anonymous

“ Page 55 due tomorrow” I wake up in time to hear. I blur into the crowed as I walk into the hall. I walk past a group of girl laughing and giggling about something. One of them, Ashley stops and looks at me as I walk by. I turn and keep walking to my next class, when i get there I take a seat in the far back corner. Ashley walks in a few minutes after, she tries to smile at me as she takes a seat in the front. A year ago i would have walked in with her giggling and took the seat right next to her, we were best friends.
You are properly wondering what happened did we get in a fight over some guy or something stupid like that. Well I can tell you that we didn’t get in a fight .... but it does have something to do with a guy .... but not just some guy this guy was special to both of us.
“OK class today we will .......”then i zone out, I have been zoning out ever since it happened. I had always been a straight A student, I never got anything lower then a 90 on a test. I was the “ golden child” in my family (witch does not take much when one of your brothers dropped out of school to become a musician) then suddenly my parents were breathing down my neck. I still don’t know how this happened it was like one second I am one top of the world the next the bottom of the ocean drowning just trying to to just break to the surface and breath. By the end of the day I just want to go home. As i walk up my long driveway I see a black SUV parked in front. I take off into a sprint while my hands go digging though my pockets looking for the key. I find it right as I reach the door , shove it in forcefully and turn the knob. When i get inside i see him standing there, his arm wide open. I run into them and just enjoy his embrace.
“Lizzy breath” My brother tells me. I just smile at him.
“How have you been Liz... you know since...?” he trails off
“I don’t really want to talk about it ..... what about you rock-star, how is life on the road?” We are now sitting on my bed talking about everything and anything. Oh how I have missed having my big bro around. Then we hear the front door down stairs open and close the clank of the the heels on the wood floor walking to the kitchen. It is like the good old days when my brothers and I would do our homework together after school then my mom would come home.
“Well I guess I should go say hi to mom you coming .... Lizzy .... Liz ..... LIZ?!” Then I’m forced to snap back into reality. My brother doesn’t live here any more he has to go say hi to my mom cause he had not seen her this morning before school.
“ Yeah I will be down in a sec.” He must have seen the tears building up in my eyes cause he comes over and hugs me.
“It is OK Lizzy everything will be OK you will see.” he says as he rubs my back trying to comfort me. I just start balling into his shirt. Once I am done balling my eyes out we walk down stairs into the kitchen to look for my mom .... she is not there. We find her in her office working.
“HEY MOM!” Josh says. “Hi Joshua “ she says like it is nothing out of the ordinary. “ Um I am home... it is nice to see you..... i missed you too” “ uh” is all Josh get in return “Well that did not go how I thought it would” Josh says once we are in the kitchen. “Don’t take it personally she barley even looks at me any more, you are lucky that she
even made a sound.” “It is that bad ... when i was talking to you last month it did not sound THAT bad” “It is no big deal..... we have nothing to eat here so if you want something we will have to
go out.” “K .... do you want to drive?”
“I don't know how” I said quietly kinda embarrassed.
“ THEY NEVER TAUGHT YOU HOW TO DRIVE?!” Josh kinda yelled you could see the ferry in his eyes, he had been mad but I think this might have pushed him over the edge.
“ They never taught you” I pointed out. “That is different you know they never loved me like they love you” “lovED” was all I could say before walking out to his car. Josh followed, when I was
about to get in the passenger side he tossed the keys at me. “ looks like I will just have to teach you then”
The car ride went good, Josh said I was a natural. I am laying in bed now can’t sleep .... but then again when can I .... oh ya when I am in class. I laugh at my own joke. Josh never told me how long he is going to be staying. I hear a faint knock on my door.
“Come in” I say in a quite faint voice
“You are still up?” I hear Josh say my eyes are closed, i just nod to tired to speak. “ Well I was just going to come say goodnight so ..... Night” Josh says as he starts walking towards the door.
“ Can’t sleep” I mumble. I can hear him quietly laugh, when we were little and I could not sleep I would go sleep with Josh. He comes over and gets in bed next to me. Just having him there comforts me, and lets me sleep. I am almost asleep when I hear yelling coming from the kitchen. (Oh ya that is the other reason I don't get any sleep) I say to myself in my head ( how could I forget about that ..... was today that good that I was not even in reality any more.) Josh does not say anything but I can feel him start to get tease and fidget a little he had no idea what is going on down there. He must think i am asleep cause he dose not ask. “That normal” I say
so Josh can maybe relax and sleep .... if that is possible, I am talking about the sleep part like
you could sleep with all the yelling and screaming. But relax YES, you see how calm I am about
it, it is like it dose not face me any more. “Normal?”
“Yeah NOR-MAL!” i say like he is learning English for the first time. I turn my head to look at Josh his eyes are closed, but you can see one tear is sliding down his cheek. I have only seen my brother cry twice before.
“Liz, if I had ...” he searches for words “ If I had know I would have come back sooner”
“And left your band? Josh thing aren’t really that bad” I say trying to convince myself and him. It did not work we both knew I was lying. The yelling becomes louder, I can start to make out some of the words.
“AND WHAT IS THAT FRANK!” I hear my mom yell at my dad. I don’t really know what they are talking about. Up till to day I have been in my own little world, the only things I would say were “smartalic” remarks as my dad would call them when we were little. I gave up on school months ago, I don't really see the point in it any more. truthfully some days I don’t even see the point in living. I some how mange to fall asleep. When I wake up everything is quite Josh is still sleeping. My parents must be at work, what I don’t get is who works on Saturday, I think that if their works would let them they would sleep there. I get out of bed carefully not to wake Josh I grab my favorite sweat shirt and through it on over my yellow tank. I go to the bath room and change into some jeans and pull my hair back into a messy pony tail... I don't even bother with makeup knowing that I am going to cry and it will just end up all over my face. I leave Josh a note on my bed side table before heading down stairs and out the front door. I shove my earplugs into my ears as I start to walk. I walk about a mile till I reach the cemetery I walk up to my twin brother Alex’s grave. I trace my finger through the groves that say Alexander. I just sit there and cry holding on to the sweatshirt I am wearing it was Alex’s football sweatshirt. I hear
the rustling of the leaves from behind my I thought that it was Josh but when I turn around I am
surprised to see Ashley. She gives me a awkward little hug. “I didn’t know you were going to be here” Ashley says with a crackle in her voice.
“I miss him”
“I know I ,do too” then we just start balling in each others arms. We end up going to a cafe up the road a little and talking about times we had spent together. Like how Ashley and Alex had tried to hide the fact that they were going out from me. I was so mad when I found out, my best friend and twin brother were going out. The first words out of my mouth to Ashley when she finely told me where how could you go out with that pig. Even through now looking back on it I can’t really see anything wrong with Alex he was the Quarterback, got good grads, did not look that bad and he knew how to treat a girl right. I eventually got over the fact that they were going out. You are probably wondering what happened to Alex. Well it was after the biggest game of the season we all went to this killer party, some of the kids took it a little to far and got drunk. Alex was not drinking but some of his friends were and he got in the car with them and I think you can figure out the rest. Life has not been the same since, I don’t blame him for my parents no logger being around or Ashley and I not being friends any more. Everyone has their own way of dealing with things I guess my patents and Ashley try to ignore the pain while I embrace it, the pain proves that I am still alive. I don't want to let go.

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