January 21, 2011
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“Hermie! Let the dogs in, woulda? They’re having a fit out there! It’s gettin’ annoying, and I can’t hear my show.” My wife screamed.

“Alright, Bessie.” I yelled back at her. She was in the living room with our kids, Nat and Pat, watching television. I was in the kitchen making dinner, Grandma’s special fried chicken, macaroni and cheese, and string beans. That was my wife’s favorite meal.

The dogs were outside in the backyard, so I walked over to the backdoor and opened it. The door opened up to reveal a beautiful backyard with wonderful gardening done by the one and only me. I stepped outside, careful not to step on the newly cut and redone grass, to call my two dogs, Bailey and Maxi, back inside the house. “BAILEY! MAXI” I screamed at them. They didn’t respond; they were barking at grass, once again. “Come on!” I said in a voice as if I was talking to a newborn. I followed that by loud kissing noise. My dogs still didn’t come. “BAILEY! COME HERE! MAXI! GET INSIDE!” I yelled at the top of my lungs. They still did not respond. What is wrong with those damn dogs? I thought. I was through with yelling. I wasn’t going to strain my voice on my dumb dogs, so I went over to where they were sitting, barking at anything that’s anything to pick them up and bring them inside. As I got closer to my dogs, they started to notice me, and when they noticed me they started running away. Damn dogs. Of course, being the nice, loving husband I am, I couldn’t stand to have my wife mad, so I had to get my dogs inside. Before you knew it, I started chasing after the little creatures. They went one way, and I went another way. That didn’t work out. Then I tried to cut across the grass to get my dogs. I hated messing up my garden, but I had to please my wife. I spent a while trying that tactic, but that also working. Then, I just ran after them, but they were so much faster than I was. I kept chasing them for another three minutes, but then I got tired. I’m old. Old men aren’t meant to be running around chasing dogs. I abruptly fell on the ground, exhausted, and my dogs came over to me and started to lick me, but by then I didn’t care that they were right there. I was too damn tired. I was having trouble breathing, and my eyes started to close, so I went to sleep knowing that I would be awake in a minute or two. I wasn’t awake in a minute or to. The last thing I heard was my wife barking and my dogs screaming. Oh, the irony.

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