As I clutch the chalk in my sweaty palms, I could’t help but think of the past. Images of my friends and family flashed through my mind as I wrote my final goodbye. Would they even miss me? Why would they…. After all, they said I was worthless.
The sharp sound of the bell pierced my ears and semi-consciously brought me back to reality for a moment. The realness of it shook my soul and I began to digress once again into that foggy state that I knew so well. There I would stay for the next 15 minutes or, maybe 15 years if this didn’t work.
I stepped back and looked at what I had written, it was so blatantly obvious that I had been hurt, but the fact was, no one seemed to care.
“I’m sorry, but it’s just not worth it any more…”
At the end of my words you could see them fade off into nothingness, just as I often did. Would anyone even read this? Will my memory be washed away like sidewalk chalk after a summer’s rainstorm? Most likely…
The door creaked open inch by inch and foolishly I half expected to see someone who loved me standing there. Wrong. I was completely wrong. The only thing I saw, the only thing I ever saw, was the blurred reflection of a girl who once was.
I stalked out into the hallway; none of the teachers even noticed me passing by. The only thing that I could hear was the rapid thud of my racing heartbeat and the smacking of my flip-flops against the linoleum.
After an eternity I reached the door that I knew so well. I opened it gently as if not to disturb the people who had ripped my heart out time and time again. I saw the sinks where we all used to stand and gossip about the new girl. I saw the stall where I would go every E block to throw up because I was always too fat. I saw the purple stain on the white ceiling from when Gabby freaked out and threw her slushy everywhere. I saw the insults carved into the stall doors that were directed just at me. And, I saw the corner, where I came and cried after they did this to me.
I somehow managed to stumble my way over to the broken sink. The next thing I knew, there was icy cold water rushing over my skin and flowing through my veins. I found the old pill bottle at the bottom of my bag and I clutched onto it like it was the thing that would save my life.
Could I really do this? What would they think of me?
I had to do this. The world would be a much better place without me, and I was glad that I had finally realized that.
In my only moment of bravery I took the pills out of the bottle and swallowed them all. The combination of the icy water and the funny tasting pills made me feel as if I needed to rush into that familiar stall and repeat what I did every day during E block. But, I knew I could’t. I had to keep these down, they weren’t hurting me after all, they were helping me…right?
All of the sudden the room began to spin; I was knocked straight onto my bottom just as I was on the third day of Seventh grade. I used the last burst of energy that I had to pull myself into my favorite little corner.
I began to cry, and there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop. A feeling that I had never known before washed over me. I didn’t think it was possible for me to have any more emotions bottle up inside, but apparently, it was. I was past the point of no return, and I knew it.