I shut my eyes, knowing I couldn't take it any longer, the pain the suffering was unbearable. My life was falling apart, and I has no way to control nor handle it. Sean, my ex abused me and when I put an end to it, I desperately wanted him back, no matter the pain he put me through, I still loved him. My mom and dad are divorced and there is truly nothing wrong with that, they had to go their separate ways, just like me and Sean. However, ever since then my mom has been a druggie, bringing home countless men everyday. I had no way to control my life, and everything that was happening to it. Therapy was bull, their annoying, tempting voices, trying to get inside your head, they yearn to know every detail of everything that you do and I can't handle their stupid "obsession" to "cure" me. If anything helped, it was cutting. The only pain I could control came from cutting and at any moment of the day I could tell were the pain and suffering was coming from, it felt good to finally be in control. Everything happened so fast Sean saying "I love You Rachel" as he tried to unbutton my blouse, but when I pushed him away and told him to stop, he punched me;hard.I broke up with him the following day, but that wouldn't stop the phone calls, the rumors. At my high-school I was a freak for turning down the hottest guy at school, but i'm not a freak. I may seem messed up, but i am not a freak. I walked down the stairs heading for the door, alcohol bottles littered the floor and I avoided them, grimacing in disgust. I made my way out, book bag hanging off one shoulder lazily. When I reached for the door knob someone put their rough hand on top of mine to stop it. I looked up and saw another one of my moms "visitors" staring back at me. He leaned in closer to me and whispered "Hey there cutie, where you going", I yelped mutedly and pushed him away, quickly flinging the door open and running. I ran and ran until I reached a nearby park, I put down my things and controlled my untamed breathing. There would be no going to school today, I needed a way out I decided. I was running away.
I Am Not a Freak
December 30, 2010