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Splash

By , New Orleans, LA
“Jump in!” his friends yelled as they waited for Bryce to dive into the pool.

Instead, he stands there terrified by the site of the water. He remembers during Hurricane Katrina and how the water rushed up toward the roof of his house.

As he and his mom climbed to safety onto the roof of their house, seeing his dad drowning and being swept away by the current. He wanted to jump in and save his dad, but fear overwhelmed him and froze him in his steps. He had to make a choice between facing his fears or letting his dad drown. Sadly, he let his fear overcome him as his dad drowned and he hasn’t swam since.

Five years later, he’s stuck in what seems to be a recurring predicament: stand there and be a coward or face his secret fear. He jumps in the pool scared out of his mind. Splash, Bryce hits the water. “Am I dead?” he asked as he stands up, terrified by the mind-blowing feat he has just accomplished.

“Check for yourself, Bryce,” his friends reply.

On the outside he acts like nothing happened, but on the inside he’s ecstatic. what if he had the courage to save his dad during the flood, wouldn’t his life be totally different. He would still have a father and his mother wouldn’t have to be a single mother anymore. But what if, he had died trying to save his dad. Then, his mom would’ve been devastated and all alone.

All this ran through his mind the rest of the day. He couldn’t concentrate on anything, because all the what ifs keep running through his mind.





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This article has 3 comments. Post your own now!

GwsWriting said...
Jan. 7, 2011 at 9:21 am
Very Good but could be expanded
 
Corinna said...
Jan. 7, 2011 at 9:18 am
i love it i rated 5 stars
 
StarredCritic said...
Jan. 5, 2011 at 1:53 pm

Starred Review:

1 STAR: Dull

2 STARS: Typical

3 STARS: Good

4 STARS: Really Good

5 STARS: Great

"Splash" 2 1/4 STARS

I'm a sucker for emotion, and it was well presented in your tiny excerpt. However, the writing is childlike, and the elements of good storytelling are missing. The reader is left guessing, wondering. Filling in the gaps. But I can see it evolving.

 
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