Sitting here in the warmth of my home daydreaming with music blasting in my ears. I stop and pick up my phone. 3 new messages but none are from you. Usually its you blowing up my phone but not today. Its moments like this that slap me in the face. Its moments like this that its you that I miss. Every slap in the face I deserve a thousand times over. I cant explain why I'm so stupid just as much as I cant explain why you mean so much to me. Its like a curse I can never break free from. There you are coursing through my veins. I cant escape you and you're not even here. But I feel as though you're living in me. Thoughts of you crowd my mind. Stop it! Stop it! I scream tossing my phone across the room. Some days I wish you'd stop haunting me. I'm confused enough as it is. But every moment you're gone I hate it. Its the moments when you hug me I wish I could freeze time & stay there just like that forever. I realize everything between us as grown. Its grown out of my control. You could hurt me and kill me so easily. I adore and fear you all at once. I've numbed myself from all the pain but I cant numb myself from you. You melt the ice on my heart daily.
November 30, 2010