Have you ever felt like everyone around you is moving at hyper speed and you are stuck standing still? Like you are walking and talking yet your days seem blurred together? You are physically here; feet on the ground, 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 toes, hands feeling the cool wood paneling along the wall just to make sure you’re alive. Your mind is drifting like you are floating above the white puffy clouds; a coolness comes over your body. Your bones are chilled as the family walks past you. You gaze around; invisible. You remove the lead from your feet and mull toward the fridge, you place one, then two ripe red grapes on your tongue. You should feel a rush of bitter and sweet tastes but instead you taste nothing. You decide it’s time for school, 45 minutes late but now seems like a good time. As you walk through the halls time plays tricks on you; turning five minutes into two hours and making 20 minutes take 30 seconds. Your day ends in a haze and you return home to do calculus homework absentmindedly. Pick at the pork roast and mashed potatoes on your navy blue dinner plate. Take a cool shower to try and perk yourself awake, go to sleep only to hear the buzzing of your alarm clock signaling the start of another day. When you feel as if your life is stuck on the repeat button, you’re not dead and you’re not alive, you’re the unalive.
December 13, 2010