Saving myself...

My perfect world has cracked, crumbled and fallen. There is nothing but ash, ruins and decay…haunting me, day by day. What I have loved, what I have lost can be found in the depths of my eyes. The scabs and scars that I now bear can be seen when you pull away my sleeves. A horrible truth that I am confronted with at the end of each day…truths that cannot be denied nor ignored.

My peace of mind has been scattered, destroyed and forever lost. Thoughts battle in a constant right…past ghosts whisper deadly sins into my ears, screaming insults into my face and making my skin ache for some scratch or wound. And now, my mind screams to give it all up, while my heart whispers small and sweet encouragement to keep fighting…I am torn.

The friends that I made over these difficult years, the family that has stuck by my side through thick and thin, and my church family that has grown on me for the few years that I have known them…are now falling away like the colored leaves in autumn. These fragile, dying leaves reminds me of all the people I know that fell away and drifted apart…they lie all around me, fragile to the touch…and one wrong move can break them apart…

And now, all that’s left is this overwhelming, heavy weight of loneliness. Even with all these people around me, I still feel isolated and lonely. So now I have to save myself, not wait on some imaginary Prince Charming. So, I make myself a personal savior…saving myself by this made-up figure. So by the mechanical wings of this artificial angel, I fly away…





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DeadInside said...
Dec. 9, 2010 at 3:04 pm
oops...i see a typo...i meant to say "Thoughts battle in a constant FIGHT"...not right...sorrrry!!!!
 
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