Behind The Door

November 22, 2010
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I stand in front of the mirror, all I see is fat. I'm a whopping 86 pounds and I look like a whale. Mother calls me down to dinner. My most dreaded time besides breakfast and lunch. I walk down the stairs thinking of what my excuse will be this time. I'll go with "I had a big lunch" even though I know I didn't.
Mom says, "Steak! Your favorite." I blurt out my excuse. I can see my mom is worried and disappointed. After a half hour of my sister blabbing about her new boyfriend, I excuse myself and enter the bathroom. I always tell myself I'm going to stop. Today, I think, "Okay, this is the last time. Promise." I kneel over the toilet, and my so-called dinner is out of my body. I turn the faucet on so no one can hear me and my cries. My body has taken over my mind. I wash up, fake a smile and walk out and upstairs.

It's two in the morning, my stomach wakes me up. I reach under my bed and I find my stash of Almond Joys and Nerds. I inhale it, I'm feeling better just until I think of all the calorie intake, the fat building and forming in my body. It doesn't take long until I need to return to the bathroom again. I wonder if one day I'll actually keep my promise.

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