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The Disappearance of Me

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Falling lights fading fast in my mind. I was sinking down into nothing. I couldn’t cry, every time I opened my mouth the words I wanted to say came out dry. I was falling down into nothing.
What had I done wrong? I was just trying to make everyone happy and I got this.
Someone screamed in my ear, it wasn’t scared, it was angry.
I tried blocking it out with my hands but I soon realized the noise was inside my head. It was me, I was screaming, begging for help.
I tried, I really did. I practiced just for you.
‘Give up singing,’ you screamed over my own voice.
My throat became dry to dry to say anything else. I tried to scream for someone but the only thing that could come out was a dry cough. I could no longer breathe.
‘Stop trying to draw, it’s useless now,’ you told me.
My hands went numb and my fingers hurt, reminding me of all those times I would stay up late drawling till my fingers bled. Just like that my fingers started to bleed staining me with a crimson color.
‘Don’t write anymore, no one cares what you have to say,’ you screamed.
Every idea I had come up with and every story I had tried to make started to blow away like a stack of papers. I could see them, so clearly in my mind and yet they just left me altogether.
What did I do wrong?
I was failing, falling, crying. Everything I had lived for was leaving me.
‘Don’t run away from this fate, no one wants to see you again.’ You told me as tears started leaving my face and falling just like me into nothing.
‘Leave your memories behind; they were all, fake no one really loved you.’ You screamed once again.
Memories I had tried to hold dear to me. Faces I had seen, the people I had tried to hold on to for so long seemed to be disappearing from my mind.
I tried to speak one more time looking up to see he small slither of light I had come from.
“Please,” I begged trying to hear you say one more thing to me.
You had once loved me right. I remembered for so long that you liked me maybe even once loved me. You used to complement me, you used to praise me.
Why did it have to be like this?
The light closed from me sight blocking off everything but the darkness.
‘Give up,’ you said. ‘You’re useless now.’
I tried to scream but I could no longer.
I had tried so hard to make everyone happy. For so long I had put them over me, I had done whatever they did.
I still want to sing.
I tried so hard to practice. For so long I had done everything for you. I begged you to listen only to hear your praises. Yet now it seemed that singing only drove me to my dead end.
I still want to draw.
I know I am disappearing now. I know because my thoughts are fading from me. I’m fading away. My feet, I can’t see them anymore, where have they gone?
I still want to write
What is going to happen when I disappear? Will people remember me? What will they say? I was a, nobody right, no one knew my name. Why am I crying, why would anyone care right now.
I still want to remember.
I don’t want to disappear. I don’t want to leave everything behind. Where have my legs gone, my chest, and my hands. I can no longer feel them, please someone save me. I don’t want to fall anymore, I don’t want to forget.
I tried screaming, failing once again. I had to reach someone, one person, if one person could hear me they could save me.
I opened my mouth and tried as hard as I could to let out my last scream.
I only heard a sharp echo that filled the darkness.

I don’t want to be forgotten…

I cried giving up; I looked up to the small light that opened only once more to see my end. I smiled to you seeing you face full of curiosity as I started disappearing.
Was my face leaving me now? I could feel it.
I smiled to them, to you making sure you knew I could see you.
“Thank you,” I said with a smile. You stared at me one last time, “And goodb…”
I entered darkness, my mouth faded from me, my eyes were gone, my mind started fading and all that was left was the last tear drops that soon disappeared from my sight.

When I woke up that night I found myself crying. I looked around my room to everything I had missed. I sat and cried for a few minutes on my bed.
‘It was all a dream,’ I told myself calmly but I knew I was lying to myself.
Deep inside me everyday I disappear slowly.

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