I thought we pinky promised?

November 14, 2010
"It's not a big deal...I thought you were my friend...Come on try it, don't be a big baby about it...it's not like it'll hurt you..."

Those are just some of Roxi's many lame excuse's. She wasn't always...like that. We really didn't think it was a big deal when we were little tike's, walking around pretending, thinking it was the coolest thing ever. Cause, hey, they even made candy for it. But as we grew older I realised why my parents would get so upset with me. Yet it would dumb-founded me when Roxi's parents would laugh about it.

We've known eachother since...well, since as long as i can even remember. We were bestfriends...only eight hours apart. So when we went through the Drug course in school, we pinky promised and stamped it that we wound not ever, ever even try smoking.

That pact was broken nine summer's ago from now. When we went to summer camp, just like we always did. But this time it was different, cause we were in a higher group from last year, cause we had just turned thirteen. When we walked into the lounge, we noticed this group of girls laughing. Getting all the attention. About maybe ten or so, all very lean and beautiful. That when Roxi got the urge to want to hang out with them, saying they were "popular". Determination leaked across her as we carried our bags to our rooms. She wanted to be their friends so greatly. I figured, what harm will it do, just to befriend them...that's where i was wrong.

It was after canoeing and the girls actually said "hey" to us first. The ten girls all looked alike in a way i can't discribe. Roxi wanted to make it tweleve girls instead of ten, she said "I'll do whatever I can to hang out with them!" then giggling hysterically into her hands. As they excorted us to their secret hangout. Which was behind the cafetria... anyways...while we made our way down the alley the stinch of stale smoke and a random sour stinch filled my nostrialls.

It had been thirty minutes haning out with them and I didn't feel to comfortable with the subject we were talking about. But you could tell Roxi was trying to keep up. Laughing at almost the right moments. I could ruin her good mood and say i wanted to leave.

After another five minutes later, one of them pulled a pack of cigaretts out of her dark jean pocket. The other nine girls eagerly took one or two, some putting the sencond one behind their ears. That's when I realized what made them look so alike.

They all resembled heavy smokers in one way or the other. Big circles under their eyes, and cresing forming on their forehead, trying to be concealed by makeup. Their chipped painted nails haved a faded yellow on them so did their huge grins, their teeth slowly morphing into a yellow.

They weren't too much older then Roxi and I. The one that took out the cigaretts and lighter in the first place. Was lean, her hair a shade of amber. With her olive skin she extended her hand to me...

"Do you want one?" She said grinning ear to ear, the freckles on her cheeks look as if their dancing. Her eyes' sparking in the cool evening sun.

I looked at Roxi, our faces were most likely a reflection of the other. We both looked as if we'd seen a ghost. I could even hear her heart! It was racing faster then a frightened bunny...or that was just mine and I just didn't realise it.

"Hello, Kat? Earth to Kat? I said do you want a Ciggy?" She chirpped hold in a laugh. I looked down at her hand it was shaking.

"Awh, no I don't smoke" I managed to spit out barely. swiping a piece of my orange hair behind my ear. I was super nervous, I didn't know what to do. So I just put my head down in almost looked like shame. With my hair concealing my face.

"How bout' you red?" She said looking at Roxi. "Do you want one? Or are you a stick in the mud like your friend here?" She mocked gesturing toward me. Rolling her eyes, her smiling growing in size. Revealing dimples high on her cheeks, and her lips curving inward. She looked at Roxi as if she wasn't afforing her a life changing drug but a piece of harmless candy.

"Sure why not?" Roxi studdered letting the girl hand her a cigarett and lighter. I was in shock while she repeativley tried to light it. Finally she just gave it to the girl who gave it to her in the first place to light for her.
All ten girls were watching including me... as she slowly moved the stick up to her perrfectly plump lips, ready to try her first one, before i spazed out and smaked it out of her hands.

"ROXI! What about our pact?" I bellowed at her before recieveing a smack in the back of the head. "What the heck did you do that for?" A different girl yelled, her blonde hair reflecting on the suns rays as she recolied her hand back. Right before she was surely going to hit me again when...Roxi pipped in...

"No!" she yelped... "Awh... Kat is cool she just awh..."she stampered...."Doesn't know how to hang loose and have fun." she finished in a cool voice that made chills run down my back. I know she didn't really mean it...but, for some reason, it still hurt... a lot.

What Roxi said started to echoe in my head now "I'll do whatever I can to hang out with them!" they were bouncing around in my head like it was having it's own natonial ping pong tournament...and it was winning.
The same hand that was responsible for hitting the back of my head was the same that was responsible for lighting Roxi's Cigaretts, after the next one...and the next..and the next, soon enough everyone but me had had atleast one whole pack of cigaretts by themselves. Eachtime her bright pink lips would hit the end of that death wish, she would smile and cough. The coughing getting worse and wosre.

I thought my lungs were about to explode. The thick smoke was mimicking morning fog. It was unbelievable.

In do time i finally convinced Roxi to leave, I told her I was getting an huge headache...which wasn't exactly a lie. When we went home, she was addicted to nicotine. I knew it wasn't going to be the same, ever again.

As for school...well. Roxi started hanging out with, a diferent group of people. Of course I don't mind, um other people. But her knew friends were ones like "our" new "friends" from summer camp. It seemed like we were always fighting, and then, she just stopped telling me things, and stopped hanging out with me. I was really starting to worry.

Two years passed, and well I only saw her in the hall. Her appearance had altered, she had yellow under her nails, andon her teeth, bags under her eyes, and she always smelled like stale smoke. But that wasn't all, she started to take on effects from other drugs, like scabs under skin, she was loosing weight super fast, and well I knew I had to do something.

So I went out looking for her, I would ask people where she was. I asked her "friends". But no one seen her since this morning. Finally I checked the girls locker room. Roxi was there, she was curled up in a ball, and shivering. Roxi was also very, very pale. Her brerath was uneven, so I called for help.

The ambulance came, and everyone on campus was staring at us, as I stepped inside the back of the ambulance truck. She was rushed to the ER, where the doctors diagnosed her with Respetory and Throat cancer. She was also convicted of under age smoking and drinking (her blood was intoxinated with .09oz of achocol.) and use of illegal drugs.

I didn't know what to do. She finally woke up and the doctor told her the results, the same thing he had told me. She bursted out into tears. The Doctor said "You will need to get your voice box removed, and will have to go through a lung transplan, if you plan on living. With out it you won't make to sixteen." he said that more disappointed then with any pity. As fast as he came he left.

The sobbing grew louder, and louder. "Roxi, you go through through the surgery, and, and" I stuttered, then what? I didn't know what to say for once. "And. and. i can't Kat..." she bellowed turning into a symphany of weeps, shaking, and yelping. "Yes you can! No matter what!" I screamed at her. That's when i noticed the hot tears melting down my face.

"NO. I mean I cant'! I don't have the money!" she yelped started to sob even louder. "What? Can't your parents pay for it." I stampered, rubbing her back soothinginly. "I don't know where they are, my parent caught me stealing from them, cause I didn't have enough for my drugs, and, and they kciked me out. They moved away!" She weeped, crying into her hands.

"What!?!" Is the only thing I could even manage to squeak. But it came out all distorted and weak.
**************

Roxi went through her throat cancer surgery succesfully having to use her college fund to pay for her surgerys.After her throat cancer ttreatment it left her sweet, little girl voice scratchy. She seemed happier. And I think she I actually saw her smile a couple of times. But she had to wait another year for her corecct lung type. During her surgery she died on the table.

Her parents never did come to idenify her body, and have a funeral for her. So we did, and changed her last name to ours...

"It's not a big deal...I thought you were my friend...Come on try it, don't be a big baby about it...it's not like it'll hurt you..."

No Roxi your wrong. It is a big deal. I'm your sister, I wasn't being a "big baby", i was being smart. And yes, It did hurt me, and I didn't even try any. It took you from me, didn't it. It's been six years since I had to barrier my best friend. And let me tell you, no one, I don't ccare who you are! No one should have to do that. Especially over drugs, when it was their choice all along.

Who knew our pact would be broken be a single pack...





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This article has 2 comments. Post your own now!

Healing_Angel This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 5, 2010 at 6:12 pm
Great story... Very moving. Love the detail, flow and description too! Just fix the grammar and spelling and this will be fine.
 
CheyMJonas replied...
Nov. 4, 2011 at 9:50 am
I love it very much so hope you would check out some of mine thanks <3 keep writing
 
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