I’m scared. I run away from possibilities and journeys that I think I don’t deserve, thinking I’ll never be worth it. I’m not worth the risks. I’ll never be. You might say that I am worth the world but I know inside the truth of your words: I’m not worth it. You may say I’m beautiful but I’ve known you for way too long. I know you’re lying. You’re always lying, but that’s just who you are and this is who you’re made me.
I wake up to you screaming at me and cursing the day we met but before long you’re begging for forgiveness and that you didn’t mean it. You always say that. You never appreciate me for who I am and I’m afraid you never will. Even though we’re together, we can’t wait to be apart. You may say we’re the definition of soul mates. We never spend any time together unless we are fighting. I realize what you need in life, but I am stuck to you.
You feed off of my insecurities and use them to your advantage. You make them bigger, more enjoyable to witness. I watch as you tear me down and break my soul. You break my life, rip it to shreds and your never around to help me recover. You’re only here to kill what’s left of me. I love you and hate you and I’ll never find peace with you. I can’t leave you. I never could. I never will. Not until my heart stops beating and my insecurities are the majority of my life. All the thanks goes to you.