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From Bleary Smiles to Guarded Eyes
He couldn't remember the last time real words were spoken between them. He hated, hated how cold their apartment had become. He missed the comfort of seeing the other man wake up across from him, his head balanced on his arms. He missed the bleary smiles that mirrored his own every morning. Most of all he missed his best friend.
Sean looked up from his book when he felt the couch sink down from the obtrusive weight. He knew it was Tom. Ever since Ryan had found another couch to invade the air between them had shifted dramatically.
He wondered if he could escape without the other man noticing, simply fall through the couch; if life were closer to a movie, this may have been possible. Sean; the drunk, workaholic in his angst filled twenties. Tom; the starving artist with endless dry humor and sarcasm. He wondered how this scene would play out.
(Tom enters stage right)
Tom storms out,
The silence was starting to smother him, he could feel it curling around his neck. Sean knew Tom wasn't bothered, the passive aggressive jerk could play this game for as long as he needed. The elephant stood above them, refusing to leave. The silence was suffocating. His throat was aching. Sean felt the pain rising, taunting him into giving in. He knew who would win this fight just like before. The last time when he..when they- Sean squeezed his eyes closed -he thought; this time was different. It was every fight that went unsettled, It was every broken promise that wasn't forgotten, it was everything. He couldn't let it hide in his smiles, the ones that never quite reached his eyes. He really needed this to be over for his sanity's sake.
The sense of Tom's stare altered his focus, making his skin crawl. He looked over at the presence of a shudder, and cold gray eyes met his. He felt his body instinctively move back. Tom made no sudden movements, his gaze was steady and certain. It became abundantly clear that Tom wasn't going to make an attempt at breaking the eye contact. He was extremely creepy in the way he seemed at ease looking at him, Tom had a habit of staring, an even bigger habit of never seeing the world outside of his minds camera. Sean broke the contact by rolling his eyes. He stood in front of the dirty blonde. “ I'm sick of this, I’m just so sick of this f***ing game your playing! You know we need to talk about it.”
Tom looked up at him, his eyes flaring with anger but remained silent. Sean sighed impatiently; just because Tom would rather ignore their problems, doesn’t mean he agreed. “ Tom!”
Tom looked up, his emotions betraying him, by being visible against his fair skin. His eyes released all of his pent up emotions, flooding them with regret, and so much sadness. Sean could feel his eyes doing the same, “ Tom..” The name leaked sympathy rather than venom.
Tom shook his head and held his gaze.
“ It was a mistake, is that what you want to hear. Hmm Seany Boy?”
Sean stared at him, his fists clenching at his sides.
“ You think that’s going to work?, You really think I don't know you better than that? You can't shut me out that easily! Just... Tom, please, I don't want to fight, it happened, you know we can't take it back. Tom, just please tell me how you feel.”
Tom looked down at his feet, his shoulders shaking slightly. Sean had hit a nerve.
“ How I feel?, How I feel? You want to know how I feel? ” Tom laughed harshly, his voice quivering.
“In case you've forgotten I lost everything, my life fell apart because I trusted the wrong people, ” I trusted you, went unsaid.
“ I had just began to find my way again, had finally picked up a camera without wanting to throw up. When.. I can't do this, I can't ruin you're life, I’m sorry. I just can't,”
Sean looked up as the door closed, Tom had followed script after all. He sat down his head cradled in his hands, a line he had read earlier jostled his thoughts. “There was nothing but air between us” There was nothing but air between them. Sean wasn't sure this could be fixed with silent apologies and gentle embraces. He ignored the sinking feeling in his chest.
Sean stared at the wall in front of him, the tears clearly present on his face. He closed his eyes, and wrapped his arms around himself. He wished Tom would have just told him he was scared.
Sean sighed, his exhaustion echoing through the empty apartment. He shivered as a cold breeze ran past him. He sniffed quietly, rubbing his eyes with the palm of his hand. He felt someone place a blanket over him, tucking him in like a child, the irony lost in the act. Then felt a kiss being pressed to his forehead, the hair being brushed away from his eyes. Sean opened them and stared at the man standing above him awkwardly. He could feel himself breaking, and for once Sean didn't care, Tom needed to see, to believe.
Tom looked down at him, his eyes mirroring Sean's, his hand moved to cup his cheek, simply holding him. Tom's eyes revealed everything, he could see an “I'm sorry” daring to escape, a “my fault” pleading to be seen, an, “I forgive you” so clear it slipped from his eye.
Sean felt a finger wipe away his fallen tears, apologies of his own. Tom understood. Sean felt his lips curving up, and Tom offered one of his own. Not everything was fixed, but the truth was finally ready to be heard.