“I don’t love you anymore.” Those 5 words replayed themselves in my head all night. I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest and thrown on the floor. My boyfriend, since September of seventh grade broke up with me this afternoon. Its October of 8th grade. I still haven’t taken off the necklace he bought me last month for our one year anniversary. I thought he was my best friend. Apparently I thought wrong. Eli was one guy I thought I could always depend on. Now I no longer have him with me. It kills me to think of him with another girl. I don’t know what I did to make this happen. But whatever I did, I’m so sorry I did it. My name is Lee Anne Develio. I live on the east side of Long Island. I go to John Adams Junior / Senior high school. I had 4 sisters and a mother. My dad took off a few years ago, he died, in a car accident. We live in a good neighborhood. In a nice house and we all help our mom as much as possible. My sisters are, Suzanne, she’s 19 and goes to Suffolk county community college, my other sister Marie, is 17, she’s loud, obnoxious and needs to stay out of everyone’s personal life. My two younger sisters are Tara and Alison. Alison is 12 and Tara is 10. me and Alison aren’t that far apart in age, Only about 11 or 12 months. She’s in seventh grade. Tara is in 5th. My mom’s name is Keri Anne, she’s 38 and is a nurse at Peconic Bay hospital. My best friend’s name is Blaire, she lives next door. Its 5 in the morning and I wanna text Eli, he gave no reason why he didn’t love me anymore. But I think it was for Sam. In seventh grade you combine with another elementary school. We combine with East Manor elementary school, Where Eli went. I went to South Street Elementary school. Sam went to my school. She was athletic, smart, pretty but she wasn’t exactly skinny, and she wasn’t fat either, she was somewhere in the middle like me. I think Eli was into her. I was always threatened by her. Somehow she would plot and get him under her spell and take him away from me. Its bad enough I have a hard time getting close to people but Eli was different, he filled the empty void in my heart that had formed when my father left. Its been over a year since I felt this lost and alone. I’m on a path to nowhere. Unless I find a somewhere. I always thought the somewhere would be with Eli, I guess not though. I always pictured us together forever. The nightmare had began and I was totally on the wrong side of parallel universe. It was Columbus day so we didn’t have any school. I’ve been up all night. Eli broke up with me approximately 11 hours and 32 minutes ago. I’m gonna be sick. I got up off my bed and felt the room spinning I fell to my knees and threw up in the garbage can. I picked up the pale blue can and started towards the door. I felt really weak. “Lee, are you ok?” “No.” I was talking to my mom through the door. “open the door sweetie.” I pulled the door open really slow with the basket still in my right hand. “Watch out,” “ Lee Anne what’s in there?” “throw up.” “gimme that. And I’ll go dispose of it. That’s what mothers are for.” She kissed my forehead and I shut the door. I grabbed the necklace that tangled around my neck. It was a locket in the shape of a heart. It had never been opened. I unclipped the clasp of it and took it off. I opened it. Inside it read, “I love you, always and forever. – Eli.” I started to cry even more. My eyes were red when I looked in the mirror. My hair was a mess. His words kept replaying themselves in my mind. “Lee Anne, we gotta talk meet me by the corner.” That was our place. “Ok.” I met him there in 10 minutes. I was wearing my dance jacket, jeans, and flip flops. His face looked distressed. “look Lee Anne, I’ve been thinking about us, and I just can’t be with you anymore. I don’t love you anymore.” I was wearing a ring he gave me also. We exchanged them on our six month. They were just plain silver. I saw him slowly take it off his finger and hold it out towards me. Now it was my turn. I took my off. It seemed like an eternity since he even gave me it in the first place. “are we still friends?” I said handing him back the ring. “we always will be Lee. Just not these kind of friends.” I ran home after that. I sat down at the computer to see if Blaire was online. Nope she wasn’t. so I had no one to talk to since mom doesn’t get home until 8. me saying that makes it seem like she works long hours. Which she doesn’t really. Just a twelve hour 3 days a week from 8 to 8. and she’s always on call on the weekends. I got up and went upstairs. I reached to the top of my closet and pulled down the shoebox I had lying up there. It was a memory box. Pictures and gifts all of Eli. I took it out. It had pictures from the beach, dances, Marie’s sweet sixteen and just times we used to hang out. I looked over and on the back of my chair was his soccer jacket. He probably wants it back. I used to wear it all the time. I missed those times. I need to get some sleep. Maybe it will take my mind off Eli. I woke up that day at 6:00 at night. Still totally destroyed. All I thought of was school the next day. I ate some ice cream took a shower and got ready for the next day. I never thought walking in the hallway could be so awkward. I couldn’t take seeing Eli, happy like nothing was wrong. I just wanted to knock him out. All I can say is thank god we don’t have any classes together. Last year we had every class together, which is how we came to knowing each other in the first place. I wish I never knew him. Its difficult to want what you can’t have. Eli was the first guy I ever kissed. The first person I trusted since my father left me. Its like he just lied. Our whole relationship was a lie, Which is why I’m dying inside. For days I wondered what was wrong with me. But 2 weeks after we broke up I saw my nightmare flash before my eyes. Hand in hand, was Eli and Sam. I had art that period but I didn’t wanna go. I went to the gym and sat down under the bleachers. I listed everything that was wrong with me. The list came to 112 things I could find that were wrong with me. I took my phone out of the pocket of my jeans. It was 6:00. The list read things that were most likely like this. “1. you have ugly hair no matter what way you do it. 2. you have horrible clothes. Which most of are hand me downs. 3. you have a gross body type. Even though you lost 15 pounds you still look nasty. 4. the reason you don’t wanna let Eli go is because you know no other guy will give you the time of day. 5. glasses. You should get rid of them….” And so this list went on to 107 more things of me hating myself. I walked home from school. I cut through the elementary school. I was tired. I still had a crap load of homework and dance 7:45 to 10:15. I was exhausted, physically and emotionally. I just wanted to sleep. I walked through the door to the kitchen a mess and 2 notes on the counter. “Lee Anne, there’s leftovers in the fridge for you, Allison and Tara. They have dance at a quarter 6. Mrs. Grotto is picking you and them up. Do your homework and check over there’s. Marie and Sue are at work. Love you always, mom.” “Allison and Tara! Did you two do your homework? Get down here now!” they ran down the stairs, With their juvenile workbooks in their hands. “Open them and go to the pages you had homework on. I’m gonna heat up dinner.” Mrs. Grotto picked us up at 6:30. my dinner and homework tagged along with me to the studio. I did homework until it was 7:45 and I had dance. My mom picked me up at 10:15, on time for once. I sat in the passenger seat of the mini van. I was really exhausted by now and I told my mom to pull the car over. I got out and once again got sick. Most likely from lack of energy and that I just danced. I didn’t go to school the next day. I stayed home and studied last year’s year book. I knew what every kid looked like, everyone’s name and what sports everyone played in seventh grade. I didn’t play any. I do dance which is out of school. I saw Eli in the soccer picture. But then I didn’t feel that bad looking at the picture of the baseball team, the team he tried out for and didn’t make, loser. I smiled and laughed for once. When I finished doing this I had my own movie marathon all day. I wasn’t throwing up anymore. I think it was just because of the break up and my whole body. I watched the Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles, A Cinderella Story, and seasons 5 and 6 of Boy Meets world. After this the only thing I was sure of was that Shawn Hunter is the only guy I will ever be able to count on, even though I would probably never meet him ever. By the time I actually decided to look at a clock it was 6:00. I wasn’t going to dance. I just can’t, my body aches especially my heart. It hurts the most. Even though I’m not sick, I feel as if I am. I heard a knock on my door. “What?” I asked. They just knocked again. “What?!” I yelled. “open the door Lee Anne.” It was Suzanne. I got up and opened it. “what?” I asked for the third time. “I made the girls dinner, there’s some leftovers, but judging by the way you threw up last night, I don’t know if you wanna eat right now.” “what’d you make?” “I got pizza. Ma called, she said just not to go to dance. But she did say to call Blaire and see what you did in school today.” “Ok.” “I’m going to work now. So I’ll catch you later.” “see ya.” “and Lee?” “Yeah?” “Don’t ever let a guy or anyone for that matter control your life. Its yours.” “thanks Sue.” “That’s what I’m here for kid.” She shut the door. I called Blaire and she said that Eli and Sam’s relationship is obnoxious. Just how I would describe Sam herself. Blaire also told me that they had a fight on, what is this the third day of their relationship? It takes a lot to get Eli mad at you. I should know. I flipped on him a few times during our year and one month together. He never yelled back at me though. He was always so understanding. The only thing that was ever bad about being Blaire’s best friend. Is that her twin brother, is Eli. So if I wanted to b**** about him freely, I was totally welcome too and she always understood cause hey, they share a bathroom and they live together! She new what made Eli tick. That was the day we decided to get him back, really good. I crawled out the living room window at midnight and snuck over to Blaire’s house. I didn’t have much time and I was scared my mom would get a call and go into work. Blaire was awake and waiting by her window like we planned she threw a rope down and I climbed up. We walked really slow down the hallway, then it happened. We put our plan into action. We walked into Eli’s room he was sleeping, as we had hoped. We took a really big shop bucket full of ice water and whispered, “ready, 1,2,3” we dumped the water all over Eli. it was pitch black in there so he didn’t see us run out. Although he did walk out into the hall way. “Blaire! You better get the hell out here now!” Blaire and I went back into her room. I was under the bed and she was pretending like she was sleeping. “Blaire! I’m gonna kill you!” Eli stormed into her bedroom. Blaire acted as if she was still asleep and acted very confused when Eli asked her why he was covered in ice water. “Blaire! I know this was you!” “Woah Eli! Why are you all wet?!” I was looking through the crack between her bed, she smiled when she talked to him and im pretty sure she almost burst out laughing hysterical. I almost burst out laughing. All of a sudden as they were fighting I got that feeling in my throat. I felt like I was gonna get sick. I held it down though. “Mom!” Eli said. Oh no, we didn’t plan for their mom to come in. “What is going on? Eli Michael Litech, why are you soaking wet?” “she threw water on me!” “Blaire Diana did you do this?” “Mom, I was just in here asleep. How could I have done that?” “Your both grounded until someone fesses up. Now go to bed. I’m not driving you in late tomorrow, and Eli go change your clothes!” “I can’t take this house!” Eli yelled. We decided to wait an hour until I left, but an hour turned into two then three. We ended up falling asleep. I woke up under Blaire’s bed at a quarter to six. The bus comes in one hour. “Blaire!” I said as I kicked her bed. “Five more minutes mom.” She said. “Blaire, its Lee Anne. Its 5:45. Wake up.” “Oh my god, Lee Anne you gotta go. We fell asleep and you forgot to go home.” I ran down the stairs in her house and literally leaped out the door. Blaire ran down and shut the door. To make it look like she was looking at the weather. The garage was open at my house. So I just walked in. I ran up the stairs I was so scared of getting caught I almost fell I ran into my room brushed out my hair and put on a sweat shirt and jeans. I felt absolutely exhausted. I put on my converse and walked out of my room. I sat down at the computer. I logged onto my Face Range profile. On my news feed it said Sam Nicole is now single, no way in hell they broke up after 4 days and I thought my relationship ended fast. That day at school I shut my locker and Eli was standing there. “hey, Lee Anne.” “Oh hi Eli.” “ look I made a big mistake. Can you take me back Lee. I didn’t mean what I said.” “I reached in my back pocket and pulled out the list. And the necklace I had stopped wearing. “read all of this. Tell me how you feel. Then I’ll take you back.” I dropped them in his hand and walked away. On the way home Eli sat with me. He skipped soccer, for me. “I know what I have to do now Lee. This list. Its not true. Your beautiful, and don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise.” Looking back at what happened between me and Eli. I’m happy he realized he made a mistake. It was the worst and best time of my life. That October of 8th grade. I’m hoping the spring turns out even better.
Thats just the way the wind blows.
October 27, 2010