I'm Sorry I Didn't Tell you Sooner

October 26, 2010
Coming back from inside with my friend Elisha, we had been outside talking about something from the past, something devastating and how to tell my boyfriend. You see I had been lying to him about my past for almost two months and now was the time I was going to tell him. My heart started thumping hard in my chest as I walked towards him, I swallowed the lump in my throat that was threatening my eyes with tears. I sat down and smiled at him like nothing was wrong. All the while my head and heart was screaming for mercy to just forget the past because it was never going to happen again but I had to tell him so he'd stop worrying.

"Alright what's wrong?" my boyfriend Tate asked looking into my eyes making the tears that were welling up behind them to try and escape, I pushed them back and once again swallowed at the lump in my throat. Clearing my voice and looking him in the eyes I told him to go into the other room because we needed to be alone for a little bit so we could talk. That worried him, "I'm not breaking up with you so it's nothing to worry 'bout," I said seeing the look in his eyes. He sighed a sigh of relief...
"okay babe I'm gonna tell you something I shoulda told you a while ago," I sighed, "the other day when you asked what was wrong with me I lied to you but I think you already guessed that," I paused taking a breath getting ready to tell him what I had kept hidden from many for years on end.

"Yeah, go on..." I didn't need to be told that twice. Once I started my story it just flowed out with almost no breath between sentences, "Well the other night when you and I were together and that happened between us I started remembering what happened to me as a child by my little brothers dad, it scared me so I started getting worried and I lost my mind in the past and I couldn't escape it," thats when the tears that welled up in my eyes were almost out. I looked my boyfriend in the eyes and that's all it took for me to break down in his arms with him whispering comfort to me, "I'm so sorry baby, it's okay I'm here now I wish you woulda told me sooner but I understand why you didn't, I love you and I'll always be there for you," he continued whispering these thing in my ear holding me tight and kissing the top of my head gently, tears streaming down his face and into my hair as my tears slid onto his chest as I sat and sobbed out years of pain and sorrow. We fell asleep like that, that night. Soon after we fell asleep someone came in and covered us up not disturbing us or making him leave. I love him and I always will. But next time something happens I will tell him sooner.

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