i should have listened

October 16, 2010
I’ll close my eyes tonight hoping just to sleep . My head against an old towel made into a small rounded shape up under my head and a thin sheet with holes wound into it draped on my lower bodice . Pain runs through my whole body but there’s not a soul around to catch him when he beats me . Why didn’t I ever listen to mama . She told me never to go with that boy. And now my regrets I find my self lying here ashamed to show my face to a soul. From burns on my face to the bruises on my arms. Ill lay here and wonder why I ever left home how could I be so naive . The bathtub never was ment for a bed but it seems the safest spot I could find. The door with a lock to hold him back for a while till he drinks enough to not care how he gets in. ill lay here with tears just running down my face not knowing what to do because all I can do is play the words over of my mother who knew best for me and I didn’t listen. He’s home but its quiet for now . The creaking of the wood panels on the floor. The heavy body that walks across the floor makes it sound louder and louder as he draws nearer and nearer to the door. He stops in front of the door so I can see the beams of light shine under the door around the big feet in the boots he wore every day. Dear , Lord please don’t let him hurt me tonight I let out under a small whisper . The words of my mother roll in my head over and over again. For some reason I never believed there was a God till right now. But from now on I will only turn to him because he is my refuge and strength in this time of weakness………

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