Breaking The Habit.

October 14, 2010
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"Addie?" she heard her name called by a sweet, feminine voice. She hurridly took one last drag of her joint and then dropped it into the nearest beer bottle.

No matter how drunk, or high Addie was, she always had enough sanity to make sure Evelyn never saw her using.

"Yeah, I'm in here!" Addie yelled from the farthest bedroom of the apartment.

Evelyn on the other hand, had already caught scent of the musky, tangy smell of Addie's joint. No matter what was happening between them, or whatever was happening to Addie, Evelyn adored her. She always made sure every needly was hidden, ever bottle was stashed, every joint and cigerette was dead, and that Evelyn never saw a hint of it.

It was an odd love they shared. Both at the fresh age of 22, they knew each other since the first grade. Addie was always the rebel, the prankster, the life of the party, but as much as Evelyn loved that about her, she loved the other side of Addie more. The smart, intelligent girl who spent her time reading books in the corner of her room.

Evelyn, however, remained the same girl as ever before. Always 'properly' dressed, very shy, quiet, and like Addie, spent her time with her books.

Stepping over spilled bits of trash in the living room, Evelyn made her way towards Addie's voice.

Yes, they were different, extremely different.

Especially now. Every since Addie's too-strict parents kicked her out when she was seventeen, things went downhill. Addie became different. She became an unrecognizable person to Evelyn, but all the while, she knew her Addie was still in there.

Addie began abusing drugs the year Evelyn went off to law school. Over the phone, in person, on webcam, Evelyn always sensed the difference. Addie became jumpy, paranoid, seemed to be in a completely different world than Evelyn.

For the past years since, Evelyn always tried to help. She dropped out of school and moved back home to be near Addie. She tried to get Addie some help, she tried to do everything she could, but nothing helped.She even once tried leaving Addie, but she quickly caught her bluff.

Even Addie knew, in her drugged state of mind, that Evelyn could and would never leave her. She loved her too much, no matter what she had become. No matter how much A ddie was hurting her by doing what she did, she could never leave.

But how much hurt, is too much? Evelyn pondered that for a moment. And she couldn't come up with an answer.

She glanced to the floor, unsure where to step in all of the mess. This was how Addie lived. This is how her lover chose to live. And could Evelyn help that, help her? No. Addie never accepted it, she was too proud to accept help from anyone. But she was also convinced that she had no problem at all.

With a broken sigh, Evelyn stepped on the crumbled peices of paper, the half empty soda cans, and the random take out containers.

Addie was sitting up against the rotting walls. Her head was cocked to the side, as if thinking, waiting for something. Her hands lay in her lap, folded so that she wouldn't fidget around. She was waiting for her Evie to come in at any moment, with her bright smile that could melt millions of hearts. Yes, she belonged to her, she was her Evie. Her Evelyn.

Coughing into a balled fist, she grabbed at her chest to try and ease the pain she had. Something was wrong with her. But of course, she would never say that to Evelyn.

When she heard Evelyn's demanding, yet soft footsteps approaching the doorway, Addie straightened up and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear.

As she did this, Evelyn appeared. She took a step in, her eyes on Addie. She looked more pale than usual, skinnier than before, although Evelyn had just seen her two days ago.

The corners of Addie's mouth lifted up into a sly smile that melted Evelyn's heart everytime. But it seemed to not have affect at the moment. To Evelyn, it seemed as though Addie had to work just to smile. She was so weak, so thin and looked so cold to her. It frightened Evelyn to see her like this. She couldn't do anything. She couldn't say anything. Just looking at Addie made her want to hold her in her arms and warm her, bring life back into her eyes. But she couldn't do any of that.

"Addie.." Evelyn whispered, a pained look creeping into her eyes, across her face.

Addie blinked, and smiled again.

Addie winced and coughed again, harder this time, and pretended as though everything was fine even when she had noticed blood in the palm of her hand as she moved it away from her mouth.

Giving her hand a quick wipe on her jeans, she held her arms open to the frozen Evelyn, who still stood at the door staring at Addie.

Addie's brow raised slightly when Eveyln's eyes widened and she took a sharp breath. Her eyes were glued to her arm.

Addie glanced down and saw what shook Evelyn. Her left was covered in purple, blue, and green brusises. There were hints of rid beneath them, where her blood stained her pale white skin.

Evelyn's seen Addie at her worste, but never like this. She had already been frightened just at the sight of her, and now that she's seen the cause of it added more panic to her system. She was scared.

Clearly not caring for her appearance, or Evelyn's state, Addie licked at her lips and continued to hold her arms out to Evelyn, waiting for her to come into them.

"Evelyn," Addie said, in a daring voice that had a certain sweetness to it. "Don't worry about it, I'm fine. It was only a few hits, I needed it." she simply explained, reffering to her drugs.

Evelyn glanced to the floor, tears nearly falling over her lashes.

Addie lazily moved up and off the bed and walked over to her. She grabbed Evelyn's hand and guided her to the bed, pushing her to sit down. Calmy walking over to the other side of the bed, Addie layed down next to her Evie, who remained sitting. Addie grabbed and held her hand.

To Evelyn, Addie's hand felt cold and fragile in her own. She noticed Addie's hand had cuts all around them.

She looked away.

"Evie, please, lay with me. Comb your fi-" Addie began, but stopped as she had to once again cough and clear her throat. It sounded so hoarse and rought.

Evelyn's heart began to break. She was losing her Addie, her heart, her love. She didn't know who she was anymore. She couldn't take the silence anymore, she could't take the hurt anymore, she couldn't take the lies anymore. Addie was breaking, and so was Evelyn.

Realizing this, the lump in her throat grew bigger, and she slowly sank into the bed beside Addie, who immeadiatley snuggled up to her side and draped an arm across Evelyn's slim waist.

Evelyn didn't do anything but stare up at the chipped ceiling. She was heart broken. Addie was simply broken.

< It hurt so much, more than she thought it ever would. She lost the battle to find her Addie that she thought was deep inside this new one. She was in love with a girl that once was, who is no longer here.

Breathing in Evelyn's scent, Addie shut her eyes and let sleep take over. But before falling into the dark chamber, she muttered three words. "I love you."

Evelyn felt a stab to the heart. It was only another lie. This wasn't her Addie, this Addie didn't know Evelyn, didn't love her. At the thought of that, tear drops escaped and rolled down her cheeks.

Along with Addie, Evelyn finally broke.

And so did her heart.

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