Just a Dream

October 13, 2010
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The halls of Arnold T. Johnson High School lay barren and cold after school. Walking through the empty halls, brushing past all the grey rustic lockers, I wonder why I am still here. Being forced to meet with the guidance counselor every day after school because my mom thinks I am depressed is not how I like to spend my afternoons. So what if I’m depressed, she never cared that much about me before so why now? My mom practically forgot my existence after my two little sisters were born. As I walk down the hallways past all the classrooms, the teachers who still remain stare with their judging looks as if I’m some kind of mutant. Just because I express myself through wearing black clothes and tattoos that cover half my body, doesn’t mean I’m any less different than anybody else. I get a feeling of relief when I approach the exit doors because I know that I won’t have to be back for two days, on Monday. As I’m approaching the door I see Lucas standing in front of it staring out of the glass through the door.
“Hey babe”
“Hey” he said.
“What’s up? Why are you still here? Its 3:30 in the afternoon and school ends at 2:40…”
“My aunt’s subbing for another teacher today and since I had Darfur club after school, I figured I’d wait here until she can leaves so she could take me home” he said.
“What happened to your car? I could have sworn I saw you driving it the other day.”
“Yeah I was, but I’m grounded so my parents took my car away.” Lucas said.
“Oh, that sucks. I hope you get it back soon. Why did they take it away?”
“I don’t really want to talk about it. But why are you still here?” Lucas asked me. I didn’t know what to tell him. My mom diagnosed me as depressed so I’m forced to stay here and meet with the guidance counselor for a therapy session? That’s not normal.
“I just needed some extra help from a teacher, and he agreed to tutor me after school.” The ability to lie so fast amazed me. Even though we have been dating for a month, I still don’t feel comfortable enough to tell him about my personal issues.
“Alright well I have to go since my aunt is here, I’ll call you later? Bye Summer,” he said in a rush to get away. He was in such a hurry to get away that I didn’t even get a chance to say good-bye. I just nodded and smiled in his direction as he practically ran into his aunt’s car and then took off. I wonder what was going through his head. He probably could tell that I was lying.

Trying to shake off what just happened, I finally headed out of the main doors of the h*** that I call school. As I step outside I look around and it is beautiful out. The sun is up and gleaming, shinning over everything making the surrounding look like gold. I’m hoping this walk home gives me a chance to clear my head. I’m about to cross the street to get over to my house and then BANG!! I suddenly hit the ground not knowing what just happened. I lie on the street looking up at the sky thinking I’m in my bed at home. I close my eyes as if I’m about to sleep and start dreaming.

I open my eyes and look around to try and figure out what just happened. I appear to be in this plain white room with barren white walls surrounding me from every angle. I rub my eyes to make sure that what I’m looking at is actually real. As I finish rubbing my eyes, I glance over at the wall and see these images start to pop up. I get up on my feet, still a little dizzy, and walk over to the wall. As I approach the wall, I notice these images that flash before my eyes in ten second intervals. They are pictures of my childhood and of my family. Staring at these pictures I start to reminisce about how life used to be when everyone was happy and we were a whole family. Every since my dad died from cancer, only a couple years ago, things never were the same. I continue to stare at these pictures wondering why this is happening to me. Suddenly I feel this presence behind me as if someone is standing there. I turn around to look, and I see my mom standing there facing me.
“Mom? Is that you?”
“Yes honey” said the ghostly figure that looked similar to my mom.
“What are you doing here?”
“I am here to help you sweetheart.”
“What are you talking about mom?” I asked in a sort of puzzled way, not really sure as to what she meant by that.
“I’m here to show you that you have a great life that is worth living.” She further explains how happy I used to be as a child, and asks why I’m so unhappy now. Listening to her say all this, I start to question what brought on my severe depression and suicidal thoughts.
“All I remember is that I started to get really unhappy after dad died and when April and Avery were born. I was hurting from missing dad so much, and then here they come, grabbing all of the attention. I guess their birth was when I went from being the favorite child, to just another daughter in the family. They automatically became the favorites of the family. It’s like I didn’t even exist and still don’t. Why don’t you love me as much as them mom? Am I a bad daughter?”
“Sweetie, I love you with all my heart. You are my first child. You brought on the stream of happiness to this family. Just because your father died, and we’re struggling to make ends meet, doesn’t mean that I forgot about you or that I don’t love you. I’m just going through a hard time right now Summer,” she said with an open heart.
“I’m so sorry mom. I didn’t know you were going through all this alone. I never put two and two together. I should’ve known that you weren’t yelling for any reason, you were yelling because you’re frustrated.”
“Exactly honey. I . . .” before she could finish her sentence, she vanished as did everything in the room. The pictures on the wall had stopped appearing.

“Mom! Mom! Where did you go? Mom,” I screamed but there was no answer. I was back to being alone in this room of solitude. Soon, everything starts to go fuzzy. I start to hear ambulance sirens coming from somewhere but I wasn’t sure where. I lay on the floor to stop the room from spinning, and I close my eyes as if to get away.
All in a daze, I feel someone touching me, so I open my eyes and look around to see that I am in the hospital. Everything feels numb but I don’t know why. I turn to my right and I see my mom, Lucas, and my two little sisters all with sad, scared faces on.
“She’s awake!” yells Mom.
“Oh babe, how are you feeling? I’m so sorry I was a jerk today,” said Lucas in a sympathetic matter.
“Mom what happened to me? Why am I here? Am I dying? I don’t want to die!” I said realizing I want to live life again. I was hoping this was all just a misunderstanding of some sort but I highly doubt that.
“No sweets,” mom said, reluctant to finish what she was about to say as if it were something terrible. “You were hit by a car on your walk home from school. Some woman found you lying on the street and called the police. You’ve been passed out for a half hour.”
“Are you serious? I don’t remember this happening. I guess I just blacked out. Well what did the doctor say? Am I okay?” I asked hopefully as if I wouldn’t have neither a scratch nor bruise on me.
“I’m so sorry to say this honey, but by the angle of the car hitting you from behind, broke your spine. So now you’re paralyzed from the waist down.” I looked at her as if she was just kidding and waiting for the “gotcha” part. But that never came. As I realized that I wouldn’t be able to move my bottom half again, I looked around for maybe some comfort that everything would be ok. I stared into the faces of loved ones who are crying and full of remorse for me. This is real, this is my life now. A life that’s not worth living anymore.

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