So finally we arrive at the hotel, but it is in NO way look like a hotel. This hotel only has one room, it is so small I think only 4 or 5 people could fit in it. Max. Once we get to the one room, he tells me to get into the bed, and go to sleep. I look at him and say “ I'm not tired” he looks me and pulls out his gun and says “ you mean you are tired, right?” As he says that he, slowly moves closer and closer, so by the time he finishes, the gun is pressed up the side of my head, just above my ear. So clearly I say, No, I am still not tired. Then I hear him pull his gun back, and asks me one more time, if I was tired, and once again, I replyed with a clear “NO”. I don't know why I answered that, but I guess I just wanted to die. So he carefully places his finger on the trigger and counts down, 5, 4, 3, “ are you ready to die?” I don't respond. 2,1, I cringe my eyes . 0!
The Kidnapping
So finally we arrive at the hotel, but it is in NO way look like a hotel. This hotel only has one room, it is so small I think only 4 or 5 people could fit in it. Max. Once we get to the one room, he tells me to get into the bed, and go to sleep. I look at him and say “ I'm not tired” he looks me and pulls out his gun and says “ you mean you are tired, right?” As he says that he, slowly moves closer and closer, so by the time he finishes, the gun is pressed up the side of my head, just above my ear. So clearly I say, No, I am still not tired. Then I hear him pull his gun back, and asks me one more time, if I was tired, and once again, I replyed with a clear “NO”. I don't know why I answered that, but I guess I just wanted to die. So he carefully places his finger on the trigger and counts down, 5, 4, 3, “ are you ready to die?” I don't respond. 2,1, I cringe my eyes . 0!
It felt rushed, I think you should have put in more detail and the part about recognizing his eyes seemed a little weird because nothing ever happened around that part. The grammer mistakes made it seem a little amteur-ish. Its a good story theme, though.
I love the piece! It was very well written, however I think you could work on punctuation and spelling a little bit. There were a couple of parts that had me a little confused. I had to go back and check punctuation. Other than that I love it, and I think you could actually write a little sequel type thing to this. It was a total cliff hanger, and you really did have to form your own opinion on how it ended.
I don't think he died. And I would love to see where your thoughts on the endi... (more »)
awesome loved the ending even though he died
Oct. 13, 2010 at 9:53 pm:

babyrex4

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