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Diary of Junkie Girl

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~Chapter 1~
Diary Entry #1
September 14, 2010
Who Am I?

Dear Diary,

I’ve learned to see that everything in the world happens for a reason. Having a first name like Clover and being in tenth grade isn’t really what my life looked up to. I’m a nerdy, trying to keep everyone happy, tossed around kind of teen. My name doesn’t fit me at all! It’s totally the wrong size for me. No clue why I was named that either because I’m not the fortunate on in the world! This diary will be going by Clover, my name.

My parents were the happiest parents in the world that day, when I was born. Not according to today though... Instead of happily married couple they have been divorced for four years, leaving me to care and stick to myself. As you could imagine (or probably not...) everything has gone pretty much of a down slope from there. I’ve tried to keep my head high for these couple years, my writing is to prove if I’m successful or maybe not.

School at Treetop Day Middle School hasn’t been the best so far. I just came back from my first day of school (alive thank goodness). Riley has been my friend since ever. She makes my life better by changing the way I used to live it. I sometimes really don’t know how my day is going to end, how I would like it to end, or even if it would ever end. My days in this diary will be not the most satisfying times you will read. But really, what the heck, it’s not like anybody else is going to read this... I might as well just spill it all out on the front table... watch out, it might be messy!

Ominous me,

Clover






~Chapter 2~
Diary Entry #2 September 16, 2010 You’ve got to be kidding me...

Dear Diary,

Yeah sure I bet your day was good. Well mine wasn’t... Let me tell you how MY horrible day went: Woke up this morning to the manly, stressful, irritating voice of my mother. To only be continued by getting the sticky, green, fresh gum stuck to the bottom of my shoe while walking to the bus stop. Good news comes, sometimes, and Riley had the most brilliant idea today. She told me that we should ditch like the whole day. I thought that was pretty extreme, but what do you know I went for it.

I realized that it didn’t really matter if I went. My parents don’t even care about me anyway... One left me (for good) and the other is a workaholic, alcoholic, and anything else you can think of that brings a weird influence on myself. My life is worthless because of what I’ve been through. This was the day, of a new beginning, where I will be open-minded about everything and anything.

Today when Riley and I ditched the day of tiresome school, we took a bus to downtown Detroit where my lonely Riley lives... Before I tell you about Riley (since this diary will mostly be about our adventures, most likely) she really changed once her parents divorced too. We both had to go through the same things but... I guess things just hit Riley a little harder than me. Riley and I stick to ourselves and only ourselves because she’s... just different from other people and I seem to be the only on who cares for her. She grew up a little to fast and doesn’t respect anyone (only me) or herself. Me on the other hand, I grew up at a normal pace and things just got more emotional by the time my parents divorced. I have a feeling now that I’m starting to change, just like Riley. She will find the slightest pressure points on you and really strain them.

Just like today, she whispered in my ear with her little voice tickled my ear while we walked along the sidewalk together approaching a tobacco shop. “Guess what we should do to start the new school year?” she whispered.

“What?” I said with a questioning smirk.

“Let’s try something different...” she said.

“Riley, what do you mean by ‘different’?” I said still smiling. The smile that I had on my face turned upside down and I suddenly didn’t feel what I was feeling anymore. She stared from the shop to my eyes almost hypnotizing me into doing whatever she wanted me to do. It grew tension between us like I’ve never felt before.

“Let’s go into this shop, we can smoke a little for the start of a new year.” Riley said looking at me like this was real what was actually coming out of her mouth. I could feel my self starting shake, what am I doing? Am I really going to try to smoke a cigarette... I thought to myself while Riley pulled me into the shop by my arm. I began sense blood rushing to my head while the beaming, swinging light above us glowered onto my forehead forming sweat beads to fall down my cheek like I was crying. But I wasn’t... My heart was. Time slowed down and I got really noxious. My usually “don’t have to worry” mental voices came into my mind telling me that I shouldn’t worry because it’s not like anybody is going to catch us anyway.

A few minutes later I found my self with sneaky Riley speed walking away from the tobacco shop we just robbed from. You guessed it! Riley forced me to take one and then we were planning on sitting next to our mark tree. Nobody can ever see us there, well hopefully not because I had my first cigarette today. For some reason though it didn’t seem like Riley’s first... She tends not to tell me everything which kind of frustrates me because I tell her everything and it’s only us two in our own little group.

During the rest of the afternoon, the trees swayed side to side, creating rustling noises around Riley and I that echoed through the woods. My legs were crossed and hers were bent, her cigarette was almost done and mine was still at the normal size. I tapping of the gray burnt particles coming out of it a lot just to let Riley think that I was smoking. The gray, smoggy, tar smoke filled the air. Oddly, I got use to that smell after a while and I all of a sudden had the urge to put that cigarette back in my mouth again... and again... and again.

“So, do you like it?” Riley asked me looking at my gray mouth.

“Yeah, I mean it’s not so bad,” I responded followed by smoking a little poof.

“Ha ha, I knew you would change that attitude on your face sooner or later. We could start doing this on regular bases if you want. Ditching school, smoking a few cigarettes, nothing like being with my bud,” she said to me. I knew today was the day where everything would change. When I mean everything... without a joke, each and every little thing changes in just one blink of a second.

Ominous me,

Clover







~Chapter 3~
Diary Entry #3 September 30, 2010 I’m a rebel I guess you could say.

Dear Diary,

I haven’t wrote in you in a while. To feel the soft pages that I have written on in the past pops up flash backs of me... In the past. I’ve changed in every-way possible like I said I would all because of Riley. I’m not the one to give excuses though. I have chosen what I’ve wanted to do with me life. Dropped out of high school, got kicked out of my house, living on the streets, and last but not least I’m addicted to cigarettes. I’m not taking this life recking journey all alone though, Riley is here with me and has the same things happen to her. In just a few weeks time I’ve gone from sweet, innocent, little girl to a smoke addict, moody, over-tempered person. When I breathe it sounds like I’m using every strength of my body to get air in and out of my body. I am dying now? I think to myself often to only be followed by Riley asking,

“Want another one?”

“Yeah sure, I’m dying for one!” or “Yeah sure, why not?!” I respond.

I was a pretty teenage girl fourteen days ago, happy as could be with the new school, just beginning to change my views on what am I supposed to do in life. Fourteen days later, I’m a sweaty, yellow-teethed, doozy teen junkie. Yup, that’s who I am now. Spending my days laying on the grass smoking, robbing stores with Riley for food, living on the side of the street nothing but one pair of clothes, and a tent.

I don’t regret anything I’ve done at this point. Smoking has become an everyday thing for me and I’m just living on with what I have chosen. What Riley and I have chosen. Things have been really busy lately. Even though I have pretty much lost everything...

Ominous me,

Clover








~Chapter 4~
Diary Entry #4 December 31, 2020 I don’t remember you... And me either...

Dear Diary,

It’s been how many years since I didn’t know what I was doing? I here a voice inside me saying It’s been 10 miserable, horrifying, weird years for you my friend. I’m here sitting in the hospital waiting for the day that I some day may die, for I am sick of this life that I have. Those 10 years that I have forgotten about this journal (sadly) have been some of the worst and hopefully the last. My friend Riley, as all may know her by now, that she committed suicide about a year ago. My life from there really just hit the bottom. I gotten move all day, just sit around and smoke all day long. At most I would be so lazy and dumb to smoke five to eight everyday and to keep wanting more and more after.

To this point in time while I’m writing my last moments in this book I have gone through everything and the worse of it. I have lung cancer that has severely spread and there is no way to stop or cure it. I just sit here in bed all day and think. I think about what I’ve done in my life that has been successful... Nothing. I think of what would of happened if I didn’t smoke... Everything different would of happened. Most likely not in the way that I want it to end, if it will ever end, and what it may end like. It would end sometime or another with another life to live.

I had told you from the very beginning that this might not be the most satisfying piece of writing you might ever read. I’ve come to think of it that no one is ever going to read this, no one is ever going to know my life. How my life will soon end in the most emotionless way possible. I will soon be nothing but a corpse sitting in this hospital while people try to save me from this. Which no one ever can. I have mad these choices in my life, to chose this road to take. I should of taken the right road to travel on. I guess I didn’t have the potential to withstand this impact. To just stop what I was doing and set my mind straight so then maybe one day I would have gone to college, I would I have had a family, and I would of been a grandparent. Even though I never knew how to accomplish that or how it felt. No one told me what to do and what not to do. They just gave up on me, used me as a partner to experiment with them into their death trap. Not mine.

I’ve come a long way in my tar filled body. I have no longer, no strength to try to do something with my life anymore. I am Clover, twenty-six years old, and dying in a hospital because of lung cancer. My life was supposed to be a lucky one, everything just turned around to quickly. I’m just me. I think it’s time for me to...





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