September 26, 2010
The little girl about six years old walked down the street singing softly to herself. No one stopped to ask her why she was wandering around downtown Los Angeles with no parents. She looked cautiously from side-to-side, her big blue eyes swollen and red. Her feet were bare and dirty, her pink dress stained and ripped. She sat on a bench, biting her nails watching the businessmen and groups of teenagers walk past. And yet no one noticed her. A woman walks by, pulling another little girl, about the same age. This girl’s blue dress is clean and pretty, she has little white dress shoes on and a little purse with some Disney princess on it. She looks at the other little girl sitting on the bench and stops. Her mother looks at her in surprise as she takes off her shoes and starts putting them on the ragged looking girl’s feet. The shoes were a little big, but the girl stood up and walked away, she was singing just a little bit louder.

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charmiypiggy said...
Feb. 10, 2011 at 3:12 am
This is nice, though you seemed to have mixed up the tenses at some point. Also a few other mistakes sentence. I'd gladly edit it if you want. And the last sentence is a bit too long, maybe seperate with a full stop somewhere. Keep writing!
timeformetofly7 said...
Jan. 30, 2011 at 5:13 pm
:^) *big smile* that was goooood...cute, and sweet. Wonderful, great job!!!! :DD
lilmartz This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 26, 2011 at 3:27 pm
For being really short, there was actually a lot to this little paragraph of as story. It was such a cute idea, and I really enjoyed reading it! Nice job :)
Zavery_ said...
Oct. 19, 2010 at 6:27 pm
Awww! That is so adorable and lovely! I am being honest. It's hard to catch my attention with stories, but this was just so lovely. That one paagraph had a very true meaning. Keep it up!
whatshername replied...
Oct. 19, 2010 at 11:31 pm
thanks! that means alot to me!
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