Is She Out There?

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"Sammi! Breakfast is ready! Sammi... You up? Sammi? WAKE UP! Honey...?" The mother of Sammi Willson, Grace Willson, She was said to have turned over her daughter realizing she was shot in the heart twice, and once in the heart. No traces were left behind of anything. Shooting was approximately at 12 a.m. last night. If any information please contact local police. That was my morning news. My sister was shot. This was my family morning. We all sat in silence: me(Taylor Willson), my brothers(Jeremy Wilsson and Tucker Willson), my father(Jerry Willson) and of coarse my mother. It was Saturday June 10th, 2009. The day i wished my life ended. Altough this wasn't my first loss. Last month my Cousin died of breast cancer, a year ago my grandmother died of murder. They still havent found out who killed her. I have. Every clue is written in my book. My book is everything. i never leave the house without it. I wouldn't, I couldn't. Not to worry about me, death is something i get over easily. Every ending is a new beginning, at least thats what mother says. Soon before i knew it I was the last one at the kitchen table. I wasn't hungry, but i told my mother i was getting some ice cream and I'd be back in a little. She nodded her head as if she just couldn't talk without crying.





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its_just_me said...
Sept. 1, 2010 at 7:17 pm
Love ya, babe! Haha:) I'm glad I got you started on writing! Hidden talents are surfacing for the two of us! Love, your twinny:)
 
its_just_me replied...
Sept. 1, 2010 at 7:45 pm
P.S. Bubbles rock! I told you I'm crazy:)
 
Jenna B. replied...
Sept. 2, 2010 at 7:24 pm
hah . yeah . thanks kelc . yer funny(: i'm gonna check out your articles out now!
 
Babylufin said...
Sept. 1, 2010 at 5:46 pm

Okay, couple things here. :)

1: You should learn to use a semi-colon... It would be a lot better in certain spots than a period.

2: Seperate paragraphs will make the story LOOK more appealing, too. A story isn't only about it's words. A lot of people aren't going to go grab a 300-page book that has tiny print, it's all one paragraph, and in a completely boring font.

3: I think this story line is absolutely mind-blowingly beautiful. It's awesome, or epic, or freaking fanta... (more »)

 
thepreechyteenager said...
Aug. 31, 2010 at 5:25 pm

This was totally cool- it could be a great start to an awesome story.  I love how you didn't focus on the sister's death as much as many stories do, you went right to the amin character and her ever-improtant journal.  I liked this story, but there was one grammar mistake I found and one question I had:

"Cousin" shouldn't be capitalized

"She was said to have turned over her daughter realizing she was shot in the heart twice, and one in the heart"  Did you mean to ... (more »)

 
jennifur replied...
Aug. 31, 2010 at 6:08 pm
thanks for the advice! i'll have to remember that in my next stories! i will deffinetly check out any of your psotings and rate them whenever i can! thanks again, -Jenna(:
 
faeriesdescending44 said...
Aug. 31, 2010 at 3:53 pm
is there more?? i really liked this, but it seems unfinished 2 me.
 
jennifur replied...
Aug. 31, 2010 at 6:06 pm
yes! thats just the first chapter. manymore will be coming soon, please check out more of my stories after they're posted and i will most deffinelty rate yours(: thanks so much! -Jenna(:
 
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