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what happened to me (part 1)

"ok, Sarai, why dont we start with how was your weekend"
I breath in deeply and let it out out hard so that she sees my annoyance with her. I've been coming here for six months now and I still can't stand this women. She's always trying to get something out of me. I mean I get that shes my shrink and all but geez sometimes someone doesn't want to talk. Sometimes someone just want to relax and think about unicorns or some bull spit like that.

"Sarai, did you hear me?"
Yeah yeah i heard ya. "Ummm" was all that came out of me. I looked out the window and dreamed of freedom. How it would be nice to see my friands and familia again. my heart just achs when I think about them..them not having me in thier lives anymore.

"I want to go home,now" i say in a wraspy voice. i havent used it in so long...
"Thats good. But you know you cant leave until we figure out what hsppened right?" she nods at me. i dont look at her. i cant because if i do i know ill cry. and my eyes are tired of escaping anymore pain. "ok" i say "ill tell you" i think back to the begging of y sofemore year in highschool...

I went to bed really late because my anamnia was kicking in again. But I grab my paint and my house bruches. I cover my bed with an old bed spread. I dont have a cabnet. Only a twin bed and some boxes for my clouths. I sold all my funiture. thats how I got my paint and all my tools. I'm an artist by the way. I love to paint I mean i use to anyways.
I go to the bathroom I don't even glance at myself in the mirror. i dont want to see my face wet with tears and red and all. I grab my sponge. I'm ready....to paint.

i walk back to room and look around the white blank walls. they need color. i open the cans and dunk my brush in and i do something i dont expect to do. i flung the thing agianst the wall and huge blob of pain is now there. my mom is working late tonite so i dont hesitate to crank up my radio to my favorite station: KC101. Paramores sitsingle gets me pumped and i pick up the brush fro the floor and i dunk it agin in the can. red is my favorite color. i fling the pain from the brush to the wall again. i go around the room slowly thinking nothing but the waves and curves i make. i feel lightheaded and dizzy but i smile. i actually smile for the first time in months.

all of a sudden the song comes on. the song thats her favorite."i love this song.." she would always say that when we would be in her car and it would come on. she wold yell the whole thing in the top of her lungs.then i would follow her. my best friend sense 4th grade. but now she hates me and has been making my life a living misery sense we started highschool. shes a cheerleader and im an artsy. she likes gym i like books. she watches Secret Life of the American Teenager and i watch the History Channel. i flash back to all the wonderfull years we had together. one time we skipped schoola dn went to the movies and there were these guys who asked us out on a double date they were like twenty or something. we said yes but when the movie ended we left and let the guys wait like sitting ducks at the alley next to the building. we laughed the whole bus ride back to school. " Oh geez, Burt its been half an hour and i dont see 'em" she'd say with her dumb accent and id follow her " oh darn they bidnt fall for the kidnap sceem." the peopel would ook at us funny in the bus. a lady sitting infront of us said " arnt you girl sopposed to be in school?" i just blinked
"No we dont go to school" she looked at me to follow her lead..again. "Uh, yeah..were um runaways" we both blurted out laughing like idiots. The lady did the cross thing then I felt bad and said "Just kidding" she looked at me and smiled. i looked towards the girl who used to be my friend. she gave me this look that said 'what are you doing?'.

i started to cry and i wiped it away. just yeaterday, her and her pousey made me trip down the stairs at lunch time. she placed her foot infront of me and i didnt notice until my face was on the ground. i stared bleeding from my mouth. she laughed when i got up to face her. "Look, it bleeds!" right then i screamed and i dunked my brush again and splatered the paint all across the room. i sreamed at the walls and i sreamed at my bed and my floor. i fell o my butt and I felt a warm drip fall from my nose. i wiped it with my wrist. and this time it wasnt tears..it was red...did i tell you how much I love the color red?



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