I Remember Everything

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“Alright Logan”, Dr. Fisher leaned back in his chair and gave me a hard “no nonsense” stare, “Take me back. Do you remember when all of this started?”
I pick at a scab on my hand and say nothing. It’s none of his business anyway, why should he need to know?
He sighed. “Logan, tell me what made this all happen. Everything you know. It could help you. Now, it’s your forty minutes. We can sit here in silence or we can try to get somewhere. This is the deal, remember? If you come here for a while, Mr. and Mrs. Swanson won’t press charges against you. Then we won’t have to go into further investigation. Is that what you want?”
I stare at the floor, making my decision very clear.
“Do you remember?”
I give him a look so he knows I’m not interested in continuing this conversation. But it’s not because I don’t remember. It’s because I do remember, I remember everything.

Scott Leo was my best friend. Not anymore though. Even if he was here I wouldn’t even speak to him. It’s hard knowing that your best friend is a low-life criminal. The guy you had known since 2nd grade, shared birthday parties, double dates, played on sports teams with, is simply a cold blooded killer. How do you live with that? I never even saw it coming. To be fair, he did have a bunch of trouble at home with his dad being a complete jerk and always taking his anger out on Scott. But still, I don’t think I’ll ever forgive Scott for getting me into this mess.

I remember the day, March 14th, 2006. This date will never leave my mind for as long as I live. I had just come home from basketball practice when Scott called me. He sounded furious and when I asked him what was wrong he simply told me to come over. I figured he and his dad had probably got into it again. I ran due to Scott’s anger scaring me lately. I didn’t want him to hurt himself or anyone. Lately, I’ve even been worried that he would do something drastic. I snuck into his room as Scott agreed so his father wouldn’t see us. Scott was on the floor writing in his journal. When he saw me, he stood up quickly and shut off his CD. Kurt Cobain continued to yell in my ear as we sat down.
“Hey Logan, thanks for coming, my dad, he just makes me so mad man.” He groaned and jumped on his bed that made a sad “thump”. I sat down next to him.
“What happened?” He punched his pillow for a while and then looked up at me with hate in his eyes.
“We were, we were talking about Mike.”
Mike was Scott’s little brother and close friend. Mike had run away to live with his uncle in Colorado the year before.
“He called me and dad came in when we finished talking. Started yelling, asking why I was still talking to him. He was saying I might as well live with him so he didn’t have to see my face around here all the time. He said I disgusted him.” Scott choked and started crying. I got scared. IN all my life I had never seen Scott cry. I didn’t know what to do, so I just patted him on the back.
“It’s gonna be okay, man.”
Scott looked up at me. “They’re gonna regret this….everyone is.”


March 15th I was sitting in school when Scott ran in the classroom carrying his father’s gun. Scott laughed and handed me a hand gun he had in his backpack. I saw there was also a lot of extra bullets.
“Come on Logan! It’s our time! Pay back those son of a b****es for what they done!”
I ran out of the room as fast as I could. I was so scared, I forgot to drop the gun. Leaving the building, the last sounds I heard where of gun shots and Scott’s laughter.

Scott killed three kids that day before he turned the gun on himself. My best friend, the man who would have never hurt a fly and had peace signs throughout his room, killed three innocent kids. I still don’t truly believe it. Since witnesses say I had a gun the parents were pressing charges against me, since Scott was dead and couldn’t do anything. Therapy was the deal they made so I didn’t have to go to court. Some deal, considering I had no say in it.
Some days it doesn’t hurt so much. Then I remember. And it’s the guilt that gets to me the most. Could I have stopped Scott? Could I have done something? Why did he do it? I was his best friend, I saw the signs, is my just as much my fault as it is his?
I miss him. I’ll admit it. I miss him.
“So Logan, you had better tell me the story, if you don’t I’ll tell the parole officer you’re resisting. You kids these days, I can’t believe you got mixed with such an idiot kid in the first place…”
I jumped up and slapped him across the face. “Shut up! Just shut the hell up! Scott is my best friend and you better leave him alone. You don’t know anything about him or me!”
I ran out of the office glad to be away from that jerk. Scott’s my best friend and I love him. No one can take that away from me.





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