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Cloaking Willow (3)
I went to lie on my bed when I heard a sudden knock on my door and a whisper that made my heart melt. “Elizabeth, Elizabeth it‘s me.” I ran to the door and flew it open without thought, urging him in.
Noticing my fatal error I pushed him out, only to be resisted. “Get out!” I say barely louder than a whisper, with a voice that was infested with anger. Anger towards my own thoughtlessness, but as I saw the reply of fear in his eyes I knew the role I was to play. “Leave me alone!” I spit with false fury as my heart melts to see him shrink with fear.
“Why?” He whimpers with false courage behind agony. His eyes are full of betrayal but ready to forgive at a moments notice. I turn my head; this is too much. “What did I do?” He demands as he turns my head to face his, with more courage and his eyes blocking off access to emotions.
I struggle with words in my head; should I risk his life, or should I break our hearts. I can’t be selfish at a time like this, and I can’t waist time. At any moment he could walk down the hall, see James in my room, and --
“”Elizabeth,” He searches my eyes and I turn away.
I look back at him and put every ounce of my strength in what I am about to do. I narrow my eyes and push his hand off my shoulder, “Stay away from me.” I stop mid-breath knowing my next sentence seals the deal. “I don’t love you. I never want to see you ever again.” With this sentence I figured he would go away but he just stays there, still. Trying to put together what I just said.
When he begins to understand only one syllable tumbles from his mouth, “Why?” His voice has a breath taken tone and agony cloaks his face. He doesn’t look like James, his face is sunk with torment.
Why does he have to push? To make it harder? I guess I deserve this all, so I decide to side with my family for the answer. “I could never marry a German.” I say incredulously with such effort, that I am extremely fatigued. He takes an immediate step back and sudden breathe. The expression on his face was baffled, betrayed, agonized, and heartbroken.
He looked away and then looked back at me, deep into my eyes. And he whispered in a honey sweet, adoring voice “I love you.” He kept his eyes on mine, as to make me wake up from a trance. A tear forms in my eye but I avert my head; he still loves even after I said those things. I couldn’t take it anymore, but I owe him more than to let him die.
I turn back around a use the last ounce of my strength to refute. “Leave” I urge with false hate in my voice with true hints of caring. He take another step back with a low gasp.
He looks at me a whispers “Elizabeth, please.”
I shake my head, my eyes fixed on the floor to ashamed to look up. “I‘m sorry.” I whisper with deep meaning as I look up to see a tear slide down his face.
I turn around, tears falling from my eyes so fast they make my vision clouded. My world, my reason for being, it’s over. I fall onto my bed and weep into my pillow. I fall asleep and am grateful for the cover.
I awake from the dreamless sleep, thankful for the first night of dreamless sleep to come in months. I turn over noticing I am still on my stomach. My sister is in the corner her head folded over as sweet murmurs tumble from her lips. I look at her and feel at peace. I go to look out the window, seeing the Egyptian blue sky tinting our backyard. The decorations from last night are gone, when I notice its still dawn. I’ve gotten to used to waking up at this time, I took a deep breath as I turned to sneak out the door.
I go to check on my brother, I can’t risk anything. I crack the door open lightly and carefully, to see my brother asleep. I step on the floor in such a way to make a creek from the floor boards. I do this as a trick, if he thinks I’m going away he might wake up showing he was already awake. To my own pleasure, he is still fully asleep. I ease the door shut, and tip-toe down the stairs. I stealthily run to the door and ease it open with impatient caution. I stride out to the willow as fast as I can, sure that after tonight James will avoid me at all costs. Which is good for him, but to me my sentence might as well be death. I went up to the willow, grateful for it friendship, its embrace, its secrecy, and for it as a memento of how my life used to be. I run my finger tips through the delicate vines thankful for the only thing I have left.
“Elizabeth?” James said my name and my heart stopped. I thought I was alone, this won’t happen. My dream will not come true. “Elizabeth,” he whispers with such love and care, but the hints of pain tear at my heart. I thought my heart couldn’t get anymore damaged, but the more I see the pain my dullness has caused my heart crumbles into smaller and smaller pieces. Making it harder and harder to fix my heart, and it will never be completely fixed. He takes my hands and pull me through the vines, as he sees the pure agony in my eyes and the liquid suffering falling from my eyes.
Everything feels right once again. The wind blows my hair towards his face, and he smiles as he lifts his hand to my face. I close my eyes, and I see my dream. “NO!” I nearly yell. He looks at me startled, his eyes deeply confused, and a deep furrow of hurt stains his face. I step back and whisper to myself “No, I will not let this happen.” I turned around and feel his hand on my shoulder, I shrugged it off and walked away determined to find a way we could be together.
I run fast, the wind whipping my hair around. I need to get to Evelyn, I need her help. The ground seemed to move fluidly under my feet the green grass with scattered blurs of brown and gray. The sun was rising through the clouds, giving me hope. I slowed my pace as the house came in sight my thoughts not slowing to my pace. The thoughts ranging to James back at the willow to my coming encounter with Evelyn.
I slid through the door and glided up the stairs, with careful yet smooth motions. I paced into my room and opened the door to a replying squeak. I whipped my head around in a paranoid manor, and gave a light sigh of relief. I slid through the crack that I had opened, the door groaned as I put it back to the wall with caution as not to make a noise. I turned around and placed my gaze on my sister. She was in the same position. I went to the front of her and saw the youth on her face. Her lips were in a light smirk giving a light indent in her cheeks, she looked so serene in the faze of the night’s dream. I didn’t want to wake her, but I knew I would change my mind. I decided to try to wake her peacefully. I placed my hand on her smooth cheek, and lightly lifted her head.
“Evelyn, wake up.” I whispered in a soft lull. Her face was unaffected by my murmur. I lifted my other hand to her shoulder, and delicately swayed her frame and whispered in her ear, “Evelyn, please wake up.” My voice had slightly raised from the last whisper, but the tone stayed fluent. I returned my gaze to her expression, her eyes began to flutter gracefully open. When she noticed I was in her face her eyes slightly widened, then became tender.
“Good morning Elizabeth.” She said with a morning croak in her voice. She smiled and she placed her hand on my shoulder. I helped her up and lead her to my bed, I sat and welcomed her to join. She sat and stretched softly, with a slight yawn in her breath. She moved her eyes to my face, and saw the serious expression on my face. I tried to hide this, but the feeling had intensified. Her eyes softened and she placed her hand on my thigh.
“What is it?” She asked with a polite and sensitive curiosity.
“I need help,” I sigh and took a deep breath. “I can‘t live without James.” I closed my eyes, pressed my fingers to my eyelids and held back tears. She took my free hand and gently brushed my hand, open for me to continue.
“I just… I just don‘t know how.” I said with a hopeless woe.
“You need my help to plan a way.” She finished. I looked up tears cresting in my eyes, I closed them and swept the tears away. I nodded and she put her arm around my shoulders. “I will help, but mother must be awake and she will expect us to breakfast. This will have to wait till night.”
She lifted her self of the bed and turned to give me a graceful embrace, and left to her bedroom.
The promise, the hope was enough to get me through this day. I vacantly got ready for the day. I went down to breakfast and was caught off by the expression on my mothers face. It was slightly excited and secretive, as she stared at me. I had a silent caution as I slid into my chair.
“Oh! I can’t hold it back.” She exulted with a smile filling her face. She turned to my father and said, “I‘m sorry Henry, but I don‘t see what trouble it would be for her to know.” She turned back to me and smiled as she stood up, “Honey, we are going to have a ball! A coming out ball. See you are very beautiful, and the fact you haven‘t found a fiancé is abashing. So what do you think?”
An astonished look fell over my face and she sat down and reached to my fathers hand, and enthused “Oh, she loves it!” I nodded with the expression opaque on my face. I stood and asked to be excused, “Oh, why yes honey.” My mother replied, drowned in enthusiasm for her new project. I rushed up to my room and fled through the door to my bed. I fell heavily on my bed; I wanted to sleep. There I could be happy, and here I was being tortured. Michael hadn’t even told them yet, but I knew when he did I would easily become the black sheep. Maybe he won’t tell them, maybe he wants the guilt to linger.