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Beautifully Decrepit Memories
I stare down at my hand, twirling our wedding ring with my thumb. The sunshine sparkles off of its reflective surface, I watch the light play against the wall and my mind races with memories of you. The first time we met, I was just a babe; you held such.. elegance and superiority, that I couldn’t help but be attracted to you like a moth to a flame. You were the flame. My flame. But I was just the minuscule insect that you would burn up until nothing but scorched darkness was left! I slam my first down upon the table! Cursing myself for letting my thoughts turn to you yet again. I leave my much too optimistic kitchen, and retreat to the dark sanctuary that is my window seat.
It is raining outside, I can see the glistening raindrops that stick to the tree branches; each one so unique, so exquisite. More memories of you threaten to surface, I attempt to push them under, but with little success. Images of you and I staying in on that rainy day flood my mind. I sat in this same seat, admiring the rain just as I am doing now, when I felt your hands wrap around me and your soft whisper in my ear.
“Angel.. Why do you sit staring at the sad rain? Your mind seems much to busy for a quiet day like this.”
I turned around and pull you closer to me, and press my lips against yours. You taste so sweet, like something beyond this world. I brush the hair out of your face, and with my lips against your ear whisper “It is not sad rain darling, it is Mother Earth shedding tears of joy.”
I watch as your face takes on that cute confused expression that it does; where your nose crinkles up, and your eyes… well you could lose yourself in those eyes.
But it is quickly replaced by a playful smile.
“And why is the earth so happy” you tease.
“Well because..” I explain, while catching a stray strand of your hair and twirling it through my finger. “She is smiling down upon, the richest, and purest, and most seductive love affair that ever was. And she weeps, because the tears that it produces traps these two loved blessed people in a house together, to enjoy this quiet day with just each other.” No response is produced by you, for in that moment I am in your arms, and you are in mine, and we fall into each other, into the same window seat that I sit in now.
Like water being poured over my me, I resurface from this beautifully decrepit memory! Pain swells inside and I join in with Mother Earths tears! But these are no cries of joy.. no.. but of sorrow! I abandon my window seat, my sanctuary having been ruined by once considered pleasant memories! I wander my house aimlessly, trying to find some place to bring me peace, but there is NOTHING! Every-single-inch-of-my-world-has-been-tainted-by-you! I can no longer do this! I CAN NO LONGER LAY AWAKE EVERY SINGLE NIGHT WITH MEMORIES OF YOU AND I PLAYING THROUGH MY HEAD LIKE AN ENDLESS NIGHTMARE! I can’t. I won’t.
Making my decision, I leave my coat and grab my gun. I’ll end it! I’ll f***ing end it all! Racing outside, I ignore the fat drops of liquid that fall upon my head! … But I am stopped short, half way down my stairs, by the most beautiful image that I have ever seen. You. You stand there, leaning against your car, soaking wet, staring down at your hand, twirling our wedding ring with your thumb. I stare in awe, you look up and your eyes burn into me. My pain disintegrates, my tears dry up, and my heart comes out of that cave that is has hid in for so long, and I run towards you. Straightening up from your relaxed position, you catch me at full force and we smash back against your car! Our lips reconnect for the first time in years, and we kiss and we kiss and we kiss and we kiss and we kiss! It feels as it the whole world is coming together for the every first time! And the rain starts pouring down harder than ever! And the heavens open up and start to sing! And we kiss.
I lose myself in you. Finding your ear, I press my lips to it and whisper one last time, “Where have you been all my life?”
Tugging me closer, you sigh “Doesn’t matter now, this. This, is where I will be for the rest of ours.”