The Collision

July 29, 2010
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Susan and John were driving to their important jobs in Seattle when they collided on a freeway. Susan was most certainly pissed off and quickly erupted from her car. John, poised and carefree, was seemingly uninterested, he was thrilled by the valid excuse for tardiness to his important job. Susan, red-in-the-face, began her roaring tangent about how important her job was and how it was essential for her to be their. She had a meeting. John had a meeting as well, this is why he did not want to be at his important job. After determining both vehicles could be safely driven, John and Susan traded insurance information. Both then continued on to their important jobs. The two did not again encounter each other for twenty-three and a half months, as Susan would say. John considered it a couple of years.

On an entrancingly beautiful April day, John and Susan met again. This time colliding in a coffee shop, not in their motor vehicles. Neither recognized the other initially, both were too engrossed with the work from their important jobs. Each after muttering a brief apology to the other and began to walk to a table. After walking opposite routes, they both arrived at the same table. They became aware it was the last available. Both needing to use the shop’s free WiFi, the cool-tempered John eventually persuaded the high-strung Susan to share the table, “Two’s a company,” he smiled. Susan did not. When bored with his work, as important as it may have been, John would attempt to converse with Susan. Susan would pretend she did not hear him. This, however, did not prevent him from talking. Susan, beginning to grow annoyed, noticed a table had cleared up across the java house. She abruptly stood upright and started to make her way to the table. John finally recognized her and coolly stated, “Hey, you’re the lady who wrecked my car.” After this statement Susan also recognized her tablemate. Rolling her eyes, she grumbled, “You call that piece of dung you hit my Mercedes with a car?”

“Yes I do,” replied John with an even temper.

Susan then threw her frozen-coffee at John, aggravated by his sedated ways. This made John laugh. Hearing the twinkling and ironic laughter of John made Susan realize the ridiculousness of the situation. She too began to laugh. Her twinkling giggle was surprisingly pleasant for such an unpleasant person. Just as the two were on the brinks of creating a life-long friendship that may have lead to a romantic interest, the coffee house’s manager politely asked the two to leave, they were disrupting the peace. They separated and left and I presume never again encountered each other in the vast city of Seattle. Susan continued to giggle on her way out, not realizing she had lost what may have been her one chance at love.

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gracegirl29 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 20, 2010 at 11:05 am
i think that this is good, very ironic and very unique. i would have enjoyed a little more detail and i like a beginning that really engages me with description and good diction. your diction was good throughout, but it was better after the first paragraph. check out my work please.
A.Dreamer said...
Sept. 18, 2010 at 8:43 pm
I love this story, it seemed so realistic! Kinda sad ending, but great job writing this piece and great diction! :)
BooBooBunny replied...
Sept. 19, 2010 at 11:32 am
Thank you!
AgnotTheOdd said...
Sept. 18, 2010 at 7:08 pm

Aw I was really enjoying this.  Then the ending made me all depressed.

Needless to say, this was definitely good.  I'd suggest you look at The Waiting Room.  It has similar irony riddled in.  Or at least I think so.... O.o

CallMeFelix said...
Sept. 18, 2010 at 2:31 pm
Great job =D I like stories with realistic in, non-happy yet not completely cruel endings...So, good job! Keep writing!
mudpuppy said...
Sept. 16, 2010 at 6:32 am
I love the ending, sometimes a bitter sweet ending is better than a happy one. Susan is so firey and John cool and calm. Five out of five.
BooBooBunny replied...
Sept. 18, 2010 at 1:40 pm
Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it!
AsIAm This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 15, 2010 at 10:09 pm

The good:  This made me laugh - the ending was so perfectly disastrous!  Absolutely marvelous!

The bad:  A little more detail, please. :)

The random: *favorite*

BooBooBunny replied...
Sept. 18, 2010 at 1:42 pm

Thank you! I'll try to be more detailed in the future. 

And what do you mean by "*favorite*?"

thepreechyteenager said...
Sept. 15, 2010 at 6:34 am

Yeah, definately an original storyline :)

I thought in when you were marrarating, you could hav been more suttle about building your characters.  Instead of telling the reader that John was carfree, and Susan was high-tempered, let their actions show the reader who they are.

I liked your dialogue though, especially Susans' line, lol.  The ending as I said before, was good, but when you had Susan laugh, you made her into a likebale character, and when you said she's pro... (more »)

BooBooBunny replied...
Sept. 15, 2010 at 9:52 pm
Thank you and honestly, my goal was to disappoint, happy endings are to cliché. But I think showing instead of telling could have made the story more interesting, so thanks for the feedback! 
Stormythrone said...
Aug. 27, 2010 at 9:02 pm
Hmm definitly unique! I like your writing style, and you dont go off on tangines. Great job!
BooBooBunny replied...
Aug. 28, 2010 at 11:09 pm
Thanks for the feedback! I'm glad you liked it.
Isiska replied...
Sept. 15, 2010 at 4:27 am
I agree with Stormythrone...  l like your writing and storyline. It's unpredictable but how I wish it was longer. However, too much of a good thing might not be a good thing after all.
sleeplessdreamer said...
Aug. 21, 2010 at 9:45 pm

You asked me to read "the Snowman" but I couldn't find it. So I'm reading this, and I'm glad I did.
This is interesting. I enjoyed the originality of this piece. I doubt I'll ever read anything like it again. Your narrative was very professional and I thought it captured the feel of the story perfectly. I do have a few issues.

First, I think you need to proof-read this a little more for punctuation issues. There were some run-ons, so make sure you use the semi-colon. It's my best... (more »)

BooBooBunny replied...
Aug. 24, 2010 at 10:01 pm
Thank you! I do have to admit...I didn't really proof read this at all. I randomly wrote this because I felt inspired to write and this was the result. And I agree that I probably could have used more sentence variety. I'm glad you liked it. :)
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