The Collision

July 29, 2010
By BooBooBunny BRONZE, Burnesville, North Carolina
BooBooBunny BRONZE, Burnesville, North Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A man's a success if he wakes up and goes to bed-and in between does what he wants to do."- Bob Dylan


Susan and John were driving to their important jobs in Seattle when they collided on a freeway. Susan was most certainly pissed off and quickly erupted from her car. John, poised and carefree, was seemingly uninterested, he was thrilled by the valid excuse for tardiness to his important job. Susan, red-in-the-face, began her roaring tangent about how important her job was and how it was essential for her to be their. She had a meeting. John had a meeting as well, this is why he did not want to be at his important job. After determining both vehicles could be safely driven, John and Susan traded insurance information. Both then continued on to their important jobs. The two did not again encounter each other for twenty-three and a half months, as Susan would say. John considered it a couple of years.

On an entrancingly beautiful April day, John and Susan met again. This time colliding in a coffee shop, not in their motor vehicles. Neither recognized the other initially, both were too engrossed with the work from their important jobs. Each after muttering a brief apology to the other and began to walk to a table. After walking opposite routes, they both arrived at the same table. They became aware it was the last available. Both needing to use the shop’s free WiFi, the cool-tempered John eventually persuaded the high-strung Susan to share the table, “Two’s a company,” he smiled. Susan did not. When bored with his work, as important as it may have been, John would attempt to converse with Susan. Susan would pretend she did not hear him. This, however, did not prevent him from talking. Susan, beginning to grow annoyed, noticed a table had cleared up across the java house. She abruptly stood upright and started to make her way to the table. John finally recognized her and coolly stated, “Hey, you’re the lady who wrecked my car.” After this statement Susan also recognized her tablemate. Rolling her eyes, she grumbled, “You call that piece of dung you hit my Mercedes with a car?”

“Yes I do,” replied John with an even temper.

Susan then threw her frozen-coffee at John, aggravated by his sedated ways. This made John laugh. Hearing the twinkling and ironic laughter of John made Susan realize the ridiculousness of the situation. She too began to laugh. Her twinkling giggle was surprisingly pleasant for such an unpleasant person. Just as the two were on the brinks of creating a life-long friendship that may have lead to a romantic interest, the coffee house’s manager politely asked the two to leave, they were disrupting the peace. They separated and left and I presume never again encountered each other in the vast city of Seattle. Susan continued to giggle on her way out, not realizing she had lost what may have been her one chance at love.



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This article has 16 comments.


on Sep. 20 2010 at 11:05 am
sweetly_broken GOLD, Garner, North Carolina
15 articles 0 photos 158 comments

Favorite Quote:
We never know how big we are until we are asked to rise.

i think that this is good, very ironic and very unique. i would have enjoyed a little more detail and i like a beginning that really engages me with description and good diction. your diction was good throughout, but it was better after the first paragraph. check out my work please.

on Sep. 19 2010 at 11:32 am
BooBooBunny BRONZE, Burnesville, North Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A man's a success if he wakes up and goes to bed-and in between does what he wants to do."- Bob Dylan

Thank you!

on Sep. 18 2010 at 8:43 pm
Just.A.Dream SILVER, Lake Geneva, Wisconsin
7 articles 0 photos 431 comments

Favorite Quote:
Part of the J7X team. :)

I love this story, it seemed so realistic! Kinda sad ending, but great job writing this piece and great diction! :)

on Sep. 18 2010 at 7:08 pm
AgnotTheOdd GOLD, Aptos, California
17 articles 0 photos 315 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The reason for your unreasonable treatment of my reason so enfeebles my reason that I have reason to complain of your reason" ~ Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

Aw I was really enjoying this.  Then the ending made me all depressed.

Needless to say, this was definitely good.  I'd suggest you look at The Waiting Room.  It has similar irony riddled in.  Or at least I think so.... O.o


on Sep. 18 2010 at 2:31 pm
ForeverFelix PLATINUM, Catasauqua, Pennsylvania
30 articles 2 photos 207 comments

Favorite Quote:
Daydreams can be worse than nightmares, but that never stops me.

Great job =D I like stories with realistic bits...as in, non-happy yet not completely cruel endings...So, good job! Keep writing!

on Sep. 18 2010 at 1:42 pm
BooBooBunny BRONZE, Burnesville, North Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A man's a success if he wakes up and goes to bed-and in between does what he wants to do."- Bob Dylan

Thank you! I'll try to be more detailed in the future. 

And what do you mean by "*favorite*?"


on Sep. 18 2010 at 1:40 pm
BooBooBunny BRONZE, Burnesville, North Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A man's a success if he wakes up and goes to bed-and in between does what he wants to do."- Bob Dylan

Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it!

on Sep. 16 2010 at 6:32 am
mudpuppy BRONZE, Orangeburg, South Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 475 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is like a box of cheese and flower petal sometimes it's soft and sweet, sometimes it just plain stinks. - M.J.

I love the ending, sometimes a bitter sweet ending is better than a happy one. Susan is so firey and John cool and calm. Five out of five.

AsIAm PLATINUM said...
on Sep. 15 2010 at 10:09 pm
AsIAm PLATINUM, Somewhere, North Carolina
48 articles 3 photos 608 comments

Favorite Quote:
"According to some, heroic deaths are admirable things. (Generally those who don't have to do it. Politicians and writers spring to mind.) I've never been convinced by this argument, mainly because, no matter how cool, stylish, composed, unflappable, manly, or defiant you are, at the end of the day you're also dead. Which is a little too permanent for my liking." — Jonathan Stroud (Ptolemy's Gate)

The good:  This made me laugh - the ending was so perfectly disastrous!  Absolutely marvelous!

The bad:  A little more detail, please. :)

The random: *favorite*


on Sep. 15 2010 at 9:52 pm
BooBooBunny BRONZE, Burnesville, North Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A man's a success if he wakes up and goes to bed-and in between does what he wants to do."- Bob Dylan

Thank you and honestly, my goal was to disappoint, happy endings are to cliché. But I think showing instead of telling could have made the story more interesting, so thanks for the feedback! 

on Sep. 15 2010 at 6:34 am
NeverCaredForKool-Aid GOLD, Elkridge, Maryland
13 articles 0 photos 531 comments

Favorite Quote:
I don't believe in hell but I believe in my parent's couch-- Watsky

Yeah, definately an original storyline :)

I thought in when you were marrarating, you could hav been more suttle about building your characters.  Instead of telling the reader that John was carfree, and Susan was high-tempered, let their actions show the reader who they are.

I liked your dialogue though, especially Susans' line, lol.  The ending as I said before, was good, but when you had Susan laugh, you made her into a likebale character, and when you said she's probably lost her only chance for love, the was a little dissapointing to the reader.

I'm stuck betwen 4 and 5 stars.  Oh well, I'll just rate this twice, one of each lol :)


Isiska said...
on Sep. 15 2010 at 4:27 am
Isiska, Kota Samarahan, Other
0 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
Live like you're dying....

I agree with Stormythrone...  l like your writing and storyline. It's unpredictable but how I wish it was longer. However, too much of a good thing might not be a good thing after all.

on Aug. 28 2010 at 11:09 pm
BooBooBunny BRONZE, Burnesville, North Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A man's a success if he wakes up and goes to bed-and in between does what he wants to do."- Bob Dylan

Thanks for the feedback! I'm glad you liked it.

on Aug. 27 2010 at 9:02 pm
Stormythrone BRONZE, Anchorage, Alaska
4 articles 19 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nothing is good or bad. Its thinking that makes it so. -Benjamin Franklin

Hmm definitly unique! I like your writing style, and you dont go off on tangines. Great job!

on Aug. 24 2010 at 10:01 pm
BooBooBunny BRONZE, Burnesville, North Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A man's a success if he wakes up and goes to bed-and in between does what he wants to do."- Bob Dylan

Thank you! I do have to admit...I didn't really proof read this at all. I randomly wrote this because I felt inspired to write and this was the result. And I agree that I probably could have used more sentence variety. I'm glad you liked it. :)

on Aug. 21 2010 at 9:45 pm
sleeplessdreamer PLATINUM, Raleigh, North Carolina
30 articles 0 photos 332 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I have always wanted to write in such a way that people say, 'I have always thought that but never found the words for it.'" -anonymous

You asked me to read "the Snowman" but I couldn't find it. So I'm reading this, and I'm glad I did.
This is interesting. I enjoyed the originality of this piece. I doubt I'll ever read anything like it again. Your narrative was very professional and I thought it captured the feel of the story perfectly. I do have a few issues.

First, I think you need to proof-read this a little more for punctuation issues. There were some run-ons, so make sure you use the semi-colon. It's my best friend.

Secondly, I think you overdid the use of phrases like this (I forgot the name.) "Susan, beginning to grow annoyed..." You know what I mean. I understand why you have them there. They do add that very distant and business-like feel to the prose, but I think you used them a little too much.

Other than that, I really enjoyed this piece. I thought the uniqueness of it was priceless and I will long remember this. Good job.



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