My life is ruined, completely ruined. Why you ask, because of one lousy night, that’s why. Which to be honest wasn’t all that great anyways. I swear I waited a life time just to get one answer. An answer I didn’t want but yet wanted at the same time, an answer to a question from weeks ago, an answer. It’s just a simple yes or no answer but at the same time not simple at all. God, I wish it wasn’t just an answer. My mind was racing but didn’t want to reach the finish line. Isn’t there a detour? I swore I’d never be that girl. I used to laugh at those girls for Christ’s sake. 7:39; It was time, time to answer my question. I slowly shifted my pink roxy curtains; you know the ones with the little swirls, to the left with my hand trembling holding on to grip all security that’s left. To compose myself, I direct my mind to the sky. All the colors, the yellow, the orange, the pink, and the blues all mix with the sun to create one; one sky. It was so beautiful. How could just the simple sun and colors of all differences mix together to create something so beautiful? That’s when my body went weak. My legs struggled at my own weight as I gasped for air while the pain rushed out of my eyes. My heart caved in and caused me to lose balance. The room began to spin. I collapsed; physically and emotionally. The floor was so cold under the heat of my face and sent chills down my spine. This lead to so many more unanswered questions. I’m only 16 this can’t be happening. I am no longer one, I have become two. I’m pregnant. I’m having a baby. I just want to go back, back two months. I promise I’ll be a good kid. How could I be so stupid? I just wanted to be loved, to feel loved, that’s all. I can’t tell him. I can’t tell mom or dad. I know I can’t do it on my own. How could this be happening? Time passed, faster than ever. My body began to change, to take shape, to support, to hold the life I now carried. I remember the first kick, the way my lower back began to get pain. I grew attached; I carried her everywhere with me, not only in my stomach, but in my heart. That’s my baby, mine. My baby became the only one I could trust, the only one that stayed. That one night wasn’t love, this is love. My life wasn’t ruined just changed. There’s a big difference. Everything has a bright side. I am a Mom, a Mother at 16 but to a beautiful baby girl. Her name is Sky. It’s amazing how two people could create one beautiful baby all mixed with differences but the outcome more beautiful than ever. My baby, Sky.
July 24, 2010