I’m Zora Helleven and I live in New-York. When I was born the 8th of July 1994, the doctors diagnosed a problem with me. After a lot of tests, they told me I had the cystic fibrosis, so I won’t live for too many years.

I was my parents’ first child. They had tried to have me for four years, and they were so happy to know that they would have a beautiful girl that they would take care all their life. But I was born with that disease, and I often see my parents sad or disappointed because of me, and I can’t do anything to help that.

Every night, I have to do exercises. I have to stretch my body, it’s helpful and so I can have a longer life. It’s very hard for me. Everyone at school knows that I’m sick, and is very nice with me, but I feel I’m different. All my friends move and sleep in other friends place, but I can’t do it, I always have to be at home because of my exercises. That makes me feel sad and inferior. I often cry.

I don’t have any boyfriend, because the boys don’t want to love me, and then to lose me. It’s also very hard for me. I have an injection each month. It doesn’t help for the boyfriends too because when they see me with a bandage, it makes them remember that they can lose me.

To have this disease is very hard for me. I often feel sad and disappointed when I see the others with healthy lives. I often dream I’m like the others. If only it could be the truth. I always reflect about death, because I’m close to it. How is it? Is there another life? A heaven? I’m confused about that, I’m scared of what will happen when I will die. I hope there is another good life, that I will see my grandmother here, that I will feel happy.

I believe in God, and I often ask him why me? What did I do wrong? Why can’t I be like everybody and live a full life? My dad says that there is a reason and that I will know that reason later, maybe in the heaven.

Each day is a scary day for me, because I can die at any time. Maybe tomorrow, maybe in six months, in ten years, who knows? Everyone in my family calls me little bird, because I’m the delicate one, and people take care of me. I didn’t know people could be as nice as that.

I’m trying to do the more possible and enjoy my life at 200 percents, because I really don’t have time to waste. I’m the one who know the most the value of life in my friends and family, and it’s logical, because the little bird will close her eyes forever soon.