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Gone With the Sun

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It is late august and I can hear waves crashing in the distance as I sway back and forth in my family’s worn hammock. The breeze is soft and feels nice against my warm skin. It is nearly eight o’clock and the sun is putting on quite a show, dancing upon the tips of the trees in this old beach town I’ve known all of my life. I am curious to see how long it can put up a fight before the moon barges in and takes its rightful place in the sky. Secretly, I am rooting for the sun, for it’s a shame that a day like this is forced to come to an end. However all good things must go, just like this day and this summer—and you.



I try not to think about you on days like this. I try not to think of how much you would have loved to be lying right here with me, tangled in this tiny swing as the wind wisps through our clothes and hair. You would have been laughing. Yes, I can hear it now—your boisterous laugh echoing through the small yard, drowning out even the heavy pounding of the waves. It’s so obnoxious yet so infectious that I can hardly control my own giggles. Soon we are both gasping for air, and we don’t even know what the original joke was. We are just laughing because it feels right—it always felt right.



I remember the day we went bike-riding along the beach. It was another perfect day and I knew you wouldn’t want to just lounge around; you would want to do something. So I pulled my dad’s old bike out of the shed and rode down to your house. When I arrived you were sitting on your front porch, as soon as you saw me a smile burst across your face. I could tell I read your mind, as I often did. Without hesitation you were down your front steps and into your garage.



Within minutes we were soaring through the crowded streets, laughing our heads off as we dodged angry tourists left and right. We couldn’t have been happier. The only thing that ruined the day was when I became upset because I got a flat tire and I flipped off of my bike. I was fuming—how could something so ridiculous ruin such a great day? All I could do was pace around kicking sand, too angry to speak. You let me get my anger out for about five minutes, then when you thought I had enough you started laughing at me. Before I could speak you had me over your shoulder, running full speed towards the ocean. I was kicking and screaming and begging you to put me down, but you wouldn’t let up. You told me if I didn’t cut out the bull s*** and smile then I was going head first into the ocean. All I could muster up was a combination of screams and laughter, so in the water I went and down you came with me. On our way back you let me ride your bike and you carried mine the whole way home. Somehow you were able to make a perfect day even more perfect, when I thought it was ruined. I never knew how you did it, but I knew one thing; that was the day I fell in love with you.



I feel my heart begin to ache as I try and push that memory out of my mind. I can’t believe it has been a year since the last time we saw each other. I remember how you kissed me softly and told me to be a big girl and not worry, that I should go on with my everyday life and not spend all of my time missing you. You told me to still ride my bike and enjoy the warm breeze. You told me to still laugh because the world would be an unhappy place without it. You told me you loved me and you would be thinking about me every day, and I knew you meant it. I know somewhere you are sitting and thinking about me, as I am thinking about you. However, the sounds of birds chirping and waves crashing are replaced by the sounds of bombs exploding and children crying. I never understood your decision to join the army, but I suppose that’s just because I need you here with me and I was angry you didn’t need me too. I know now that isn’t true and I was just afraid of missing you.



The sky begins to get darker and I frown as I see the sun finally give in and dip down below the trees. I gather my belongings and all of my memories and make my way into the house. I leave my disappointment behind in the hammock, for I know the sun will be back in the morning. I just yearn for the day you will be back with it.



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This article has 25 comments. Post your own!

riley... said...
Aug. 12, 2010 at 2:02 am:

*gulp

 

i refrain from using the words "sweet" or "cute" as to not reduce my manhood. ha but truely was an excellent "love story" with amazing use of adjectives. great job.

 
bubj98 replied...
Dec. 31, 2010 at 12:42 pm :
ha i agree.great love story keep writing
 
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Stormythrone said...
Aug. 11, 2010 at 7:00 pm:
I love how descriptive you are, and you make the emotion vivid. You paint a wonderfull picture with this story. Just one question, is this just a short peice or are you going to continue it? Either way, great job, and keep writing!
 
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OffTopic said...
Aug. 11, 2010 at 1:30 pm:

Awww... that was so sweet. 

I love how you started this piece, with the battle between the sun and the moon, and I was drawn in right from the beginning.  I've only tried writing with "you" and "I" once, but it really worked out for this piece.  Kudos on your ending, too.  It was perfect.  I have a thing for beautiful endings.  XD

I just have a piece of advice --  I agree with Still_Waters26.  If you described their relationship ... (more »)

 
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SecretNonConformist said...
Aug. 6, 2010 at 4:00 pm:
That was so beautiful! Very descriptive, too. Keep up the good work!
 
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abster55 said...
Aug. 6, 2010 at 12:30 pm:
AMAZING. You are a fantastic writer. Your descriptions were so vivid and were great. Keep up the wonderful writing!
 
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_Elsy_ said...
Aug. 5, 2010 at 4:07 pm:

wow, you are an amazing writer. very vivid and realistic. and no gramical mistakes - i can't spell to save my life. I hope you write more

btw-can you check out some of my stuff?

 
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HelyRose said...
Aug. 4, 2010 at 6:21 pm:
Great job ! that was a brilliantly written piece ! keep it up !
 
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GreenEyedGirl14 said...
Aug. 4, 2010 at 3:48 pm:
There are no words that I say to describe how amazingly beautiful this piece was. I could feel the emotion pouring out through the words. My eyes were rivited to the page! Writing could be your major instead of film! Excellent job!! Please, PLEASE keep writing!
 
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AidanR. said...
Aug. 4, 2010 at 2:40 pm:

This was excellent! I really liked the description, especially the bit abou the sun putting on a show and the fight with the moon.  Also, you didn't go over the top in description like a lot of kids around here do.  It was right in the middle, descriptive but concise.

You also did us all a favor and either proofread what you wrote or made virtually no grammatical or spelling errors or had any awkward sentences.  I'm a big culprit of not proofreading myself, so I really r... (more »)

 
AidanR. replied...
Aug. 4, 2010 at 2:42 pm :
ok, just saw that you're in college.  That would clear up the older characters and actually taking the time to proofread, haha
 
wild-free replied...
Aug. 5, 2010 at 1:49 pm :
Yeah, I make sure not to have mistakes because that is one of my biggest pet peeves! Thank you for your feedback :)
 
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DeadPeopleKinndaGrlThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 4, 2010 at 12:03 pm:
This is poetic and I loved it. I would really like you to see my articles! (: Thanx!!!
 
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Still_Waters26 said...
Aug. 3, 2010 at 7:37 pm:
Very poetic and vivid.  I really liked how she said she was watching the sun put up a fight, that was really creative and unique.  Definitely some talent.  Although I'd suggest that before you go into when he left, describe their relationship more.  What happened after that bike ride?  How did their love deepen?  That would make the ending all-the-more sad.  Besides that, excellent job!
 
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thepreechyteenager said...
Aug. 3, 2010 at 11:26 am:
This was truely spectacular.  I hate romance 99.9% of the time.  I hate romance when I write it.  But this I loved.  Your descriptions were in depth, but never too much.  It was obvious that their love was true and strong but never felt overbearing or intimidating to the reader.  The scene you put her in is beautiful, and I love the feeling of fondness that eminates from her thoughts of him.  Amazing.
 
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EllieK. said...
Aug. 2, 2010 at 11:57 am:
This is AMAZING. You are a really good writer. This seemed so realistic and like life. Your description was really good. Keep up the great writing!
 
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iDogrocker said...
Aug. 2, 2010 at 12:21 am:
First reaction? Amazing. You are incredibly talented. I love your stark meaningfulness and your beautiful language. This was not another romance tale; it felt very, very real, and when it comes to me, that means a lot. Next, I'm going to have to vehemently disagree with AvengedJasonFold. I prefer prose to poetry, and so I think this was absolutely writing at it's most noble and masterful. Congratulations, wild-free. You've earned it. I would love to see more, much more, from you in the future :)
 
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AvengedJasonFold said...
Aug. 1, 2010 at 9:13 pm:

simon cowell feedback--you asked for it!

This piece would be 100000000 times more amazing if it were a poem. The sentances are very poetic, and with some picking and choosing the best of the best you could turn this into something really amazing in my opinion. I mean, it's basically a narrative poem in paragraphs instead of stanzas. I liked it sorta but I think it would work better as a poem. so try that--i mean who says poems can't be long and tell a story?

keep up the good wor... (more »)

 
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TravelWriteLive said...
Jul. 31, 2010 at 6:52 pm:
Painfully beautiful. I love your writing, honestly. It's just so vivid and pretty much perfect. I hope one day I meet a man that amazing.
 
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A.Dreamer said...
Jul. 31, 2010 at 2:10 pm:
This is so sweet! :) You did a great job writing this! There are a few sentences which were SUPER descriptive, which I liked. :) And the story flowed great, I love the 'memories' you put in there. The characters had great personalities!
 
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