Going Home

July 23, 2010
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After paying the cab driver I took a breath and got out the car. All I had was my beach bag with a second pair of jeans, flip flops, another shirt, and my purse. I turned and watched the cab pull off and forced myself to look in front of me. My childhood house stood gracefully before me wearing that magnificent shade of sky blue like always. I took a step on the porch and I heard it sing with a beautiful creak, looking at the front door I wanted to but couldn’t make myself touch it. So I settled with sitting on the steps for a while.

Why did I come here? I ask myself, but I already know the answer. Its never easy to come back home when you’ve left so many memories behind. But I had to this house built me, I don’t even know who occupies now, maybe a new family with a little girl who might do the same as me. Why did I come back? I ask again, am I sure I have to right answer? There’s nothing here for me, once again I’ve made another mistake but that’s just me.

I wonder if my tree is still in the backyard, I planted it myself when I was five. I remember it like it was yesterday, daddy and I went to The Home Depot and I kicked, screamed, and hollered until he agreed to buy it for me. When we got home it was time for a nap but again I had another tantrum and that solved the whole nap situation. It was a dogwood tree that that I carved my initial in when I turned 10 and exactly one year later I met Jack. I shake my head as if that would help get rid of the image, rumors and pain that I had to deal with for the years to follow.

Jack Ryans the one guy I really liked, the guy that I really hurt. I keep asking why I came back here, is it because I feel responsible for.…no I cant think about that it wasn’t my fault. He drank too much and then he…no… stop it I tell myself. Life is too short for regrets and I must go back and say goodbye for good. The rumors killed me but I hid the pain by drinking the same thing that Jack did, only I wont end up the same way. I got up off the steps and walked around to the back of the house, and sure enough there was my tree.

I walked towards it but as I got closer I lost all of my strength and ended up on the floor crawling towards it. I saw the headstone and right above it was the initials K&J sour ended by a heart. I looked down on the headstone with my heart racing and my eyes filling with water. I read it and it said “ Jack Ryans 1992-2013” and as I continue I can barely see anything anymore its all gotten cloudy and the tears kept flowing. “ I’m so sorry Jack” I said to the headstone “this wasn’t supposed to happen, I didn’t mean it” I wiped my eyes but that didn’t help “I didn’t mean to break your heart, but why did you do this Jack?” no answer, of course not “why Jack you left me all alone and I don’t know what to do anymore, I miss you” a small wind picked up and blew my hair. I took a picture of Jack out of my purse and held it in my hand, I looked at the headstone again it was time for e to say goodbye no more crying. I placed the picture in front of the stone “I’ll always love you” I said “but I wont end like you did…goodbye”. with that I wiped my eyes again and walked away for good there was nothing else to do. I headed for the main road not knowing where I was going but I knew one thing for sure I wasn’t staying here.

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inksplatters21 said...
Jul. 28, 2010 at 7:54 am
Iagree with faeriesdescending44--what happened to Jack?  Good piece, it kept me wondering
midnightelement replied...
Jul. 28, 2010 at 5:47 pm
he killed himself seeing that there was a headstone and she didnt want to end up like him even though she started drinking. the really question is why did he do it? hmmmmmmmm
faeriesdescending44 said...
Jul. 27, 2010 at 10:00 pm
what happened 2 Jack?
midnightelement said...
Jul. 27, 2010 at 10:21 am
a little correction it is K&J SURROUNDED and "it was time for ME to say goodbye"
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