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the life of a lost soul: part one
“How long did it take for you to commit such a horrible action against us and yourself?”
I looked down at my arms and saw the snakes sitting there, their whole bodies torn to shreds by several long slashes across my arms. The right snake smiled evilly at me like the Joker and I could hear him hiss, “ I can’t die, Sara. No matter how many slices I take from your silly knives.” I shook away his voice, but I knew he was still there, his evil stare drilling into my soul. I looked away from my arms and up to my parlor mirror in my room and nearly cried in sorrow.
Mom placed a hand on my shoulder and I noticed a tear rolling down her cheek. And I knew why she was crying, because I was crying too at the thing in the mirror.
My face was like a skull with translucent flesh pulled extremely tight over it with two white marbles sticking out of it. Scratches and bruises covered my face where I could still see the bugs crawling under my skin. My hair was matted over and over where I tore my hair out by the roots to shut the snakes up, but it never seemed to work. Mom wiped another tear away and whispered; “I’m calling Dr. Silva now. You are too dangerous to this family and to yourself. Wait here.” Before she left me alone with the creatures, she took my only weapons that could protect me and locked them in the drawers and closed the door behind her.
“Now you are ours, Sara… now you can play…”
I jumped back from the mirror and into the middle of the room, still looking at the ghost in front of me that shares my name. That creature surrounded by the snakes and the other monsters of death could not be me. I watched it look back, its eyes sorrowful and depressed from all the tortures my mind throws at me everyday. I let out a sob of pain and fell to my knees, knowing that I was falling apart piece by piece by piece. Why must I be the one that is trapped inside a box of my worst nightmares of pain without help even though people say that they can find help or that they can help me? But how can I be helped when they are the ones that give me things that make the foul creatures appear in front of me?
I turned around from the mirror and pulled my legs up to my chest. As I rocked back and forth on the balls of my feet, I began to feel tired, as if I had taken one of mom’s sleeping pills. I shook it off and continued to do the same motion until the room went sideways. I knew I had not fallen over, but it looked like I did. I undid myself from my hold and stood up, but when my feet felt pressure from my 70 pounds of flesh, I fell into a heap, my head now swimming in unknown waters. As I tried to regain stability, I did not notice the flashing lights outside my window that flashed brightly as if paparazzi were outside my house, all of them wanting to see the great schizoid freak living in this house.
I grabbed at my head and covered my ears as I began to hear the wails of the siren. The men who were in control of my mind were here. The ones who gave me all these monsters in the first place and say that it was my own doing for this. I cried out loud to cancel the sound, but now it was too late because I could now see the lights flashing their blue and red suns into my room and into my subconscious. I screamed as now pain shot through my head, causing my body to spasm out of control on the ground.
That voice that angelic voice sang into my ears, causing the monsters to scream in fear at it. I smiled but I knew the dead face of Sara Malvern hid it like it was a mask. I tried to tear it off with my claw-like fingernails, but suddenly I felt two firm hands pin my arms to my side and an icy piece of metal enter on of them. I screamed to let me go, to let me kill the monsters, but they would not. The hands picked me up and threw down onto a board that seemed to be tottering on wheels. A board for the hospital that would take me to hell again, and I was not ready to go back yet. With all the strength I had left, I kicked the hands away and fell to the floor, the room a hazy gray.
“Ms. Malvern, you must stay still or you will_”
I threw the man to the side and ran out of the room, the house now shrinking around me like Willy Wonka’s house of horrors before he shows the children his kingdom of sweets. I cried as I slammed through the front door and into the lawn where it seemed that more of the perfect people were waiting for me, the head case, to charge out and take control of.
The lights continued out of control and just as before, I fell to the ground, my body and my mind separated from each other and with no hope of reconnecting with each other. The monsters were back, taunting me to join them in a great festival that was being held in my brain. But just before I could accept there offer, the men were all around me again and were picking me up. This time, I gladly accepted the offer of being taken away, even though my brain was screaming for them to let me go, but noone could hear me. Finally, I was loaded into the icy prison they called the ambulance with IVs, straps, people, and much more around me, causing it to be so tight that it made me to have another spasm.
A man grabbed something off the side and pulled the liquid out with a needle and before I could stop him, I felt the cool sensation again before. I screamed and fought and tried to regain strength, but all I could see was I lying still on a small piece of metal, ready to be sent back into hell without a fight. I began to drift off, knowing that my life would soon be taken away from me.