If there’s anything I hate more than getting my period, my frizzy hair, and the cellulite that’s forming on the back of my knees, it’s working at the pool. Let’s face it; I witness at least 20 super hot SHIRTLESS guys a day here with their stick-thin-anorexic-looking girlfriends, and I wanna gag. Not because I’m a lesbian and don’t wanna see hot guy abs, but because their girls are prancing around with bikinis on that are two sizes too small while they’re all over their boyfriends, and by all over I mean making-out-tongue-in-throat-hand-up-bikini-top kinda stuff. It goes to show how shallow the cute guys really are, because they only want two things: big boobs and a nice butt. The two things I don’t have. So you could guess my surprise when I saw one of the hottest guys ever staring at me one day during my shift at the pool. And he didn’t have a trashy girl attached to his hip. “He must be blind,” I said in disbelief to my co-worker Aly. “Yeah, the bright red glare from your hair will do that to people,” She laughed, followed by a snort. Sometimes I really hate her, like now. “Oh my God he’s walking over here! What do I do?!” I cried. “Jump in the pool,” Aly suggested. “Shut up,” I said right before he approached us. This has never happened in the history of my life before. “Wow, I love your hair! Who did it for you? Was it Mario---?” He wouldn’t shut up, he seriously talked for 5 minutes before I could get a word in, and during all this I realized he wasn’t exactly my type. Cause he’s gay. Of course the only guys I can attract are gay. Aly laughed quietly to herself cause she discovered this too. After he air European kissed my cheeks and walked away to find his boyfriend, I went back to hating my life. “That was hilarious! Too bad ---AYE! NO RUNNING!” Aly shouted, and that’s all I heard before one of the kids bumped into me and sent me tumbling in 12 feet of water. I accidentally grabbed something on my way down and didn’t know what it was until I swam back up, and then I REALLY wanted to die. Cause it was a guy’s plaid swim trunks. Motherfu—“We should at least be on a first name basis before you try all that,” An extremely cute guy said as he smiled and took his trunks. “I’m so--.” “Don’t worry bout it,” He interrupted me as he ran his fingers through his chocolate-brown hair. He was so close to me it was like his minty breath was slapping my cheeks in the face. I couldn’t believe how chill he was about the whole thing, unlike me who woulda went ballistic if I were stark naked in the pool. “See ya around,” He said as he got outta the water and met up with his gorgeous-looking blonde girlfriend after he put his trunks on. I watched them walk away together, and I woulda been unbelievably jealous, but then he turned around to look at me. I almost turned around myself to see if I really was the one he was looking at, because it’s a little hard to believe a hot guy like him would even acknowledge a girl like me. To my amazement we locked eyes for a good 4 seconds. And you know what? It gave me the tiniest glister of hope.
My Job Sucks...Kinda
June 30, 2010