I ran as fast as I could towards the unknown. I use to run for fun just so that I could feel the wind blow through my hair. I use to run just to see how much faster I was than everyone else, but this time it’s different. Now I am running away from the present. Away from my step-father, my inconsiderate mother, who sit so comfortable in their high up chairs. As I run hot rain stings my face disguising my flowing tears. My feet tear through the ground propelling my body faster into the oncoming darkness. With every step my lungs fill with air waiting to finally be expelled when I force myself to stop. But I still can’t think so I start to run again, this time my long legs stretching further, my arms pumping harder, my heart beating faster. Soon nighttime has fallen around me and it covers my path making me stumble over twigs and fallen branches eventually causing me to halt. I looked around and saw nothing except the silhouettes of drunken trees. In the dark they look bigger and I felt smaller. My tired legs wobble and eventually gave in sending me crashing down into a pile of wet leaves. I try to keep my eyelids open but its torture and I finally surrender to sleep. But with this sleep did not come sweet dreams instead I watched my life through small lenses. First I saw myself at age 5 running through the water sprinklers in my back yard. At that age I was very energetic and was always right. In the flash back my dad ran up behind me and twirled me in the air. Although the dream did not have sound I knew that my dad was saying “you know I love you Lexus”. But this was not a question it was a statement. I would giggle then say “you know I love you more”, this wasn’t a question either. By age 10 daddy was gone. He died coming home from work. When I first heard the news about my dad I didn’t believe it, but deep down inside I knew it was true. I didn’t cry at the funeral because I was being strong for my mom, but in secret I cried my heart out and cursed the drunk driver who killed my daddy, then I would forgive him only to repeat the whole process. After a year I got over his death and began to move on. I joined the track team, tried harder in school although my grades were always good, and lived life because I knew that it wouldn’t last forever. Suddenly my dream fast forwarded to the present. I am fifteen going to a private school that I had to learn to love. My mom eventually married a guy named Marcus. I don’t think that my mom loved him, I think she loved his money. His money was always good to us but he wasn’t. He got mom the promotions she wanted and he treated her like his queen in the public only to slaughter her with acidic words and gestures in private. But like in all sad stories his money and power blinded her. I rarely even spoke to Marcus because I knew enough from past experience to stay away from him, but that’s a whole other story. I missed my dad so much a million words could not explain. My mother on the other hand acted as though she had never even married him. She told me once to forget the pass and focus on the present, so I guess that her memories of dad were lost in the dust. Finally my nightmare ended and I awoke. Wet leaves stuck to my face and bare arms, I heard water. The water had a soothing sound, and after I while I was able to strain my eyes enough to see the moving river a few feet ahead of me. With one leg then two I stood up and walked towards the bank of the river. I stood for a while and took in the damp air with a deep breath, then slowly exhaled. To end all of my problems all I have to do is jump in and never come up. I closed my eyes to think and like someone had pushed me I fell into the water. My arms didn’t flail and my legs didn’t kick. My mind was blank except for a picture of me and my dad in a warm embrace. Then slowly I sunk to the bottom of the river leaving the present at the surface.
June 30, 2010