Tuesday morning. 3 AM. I cant sleep. I stare out of the bedroom window. The sky is dark filled with clouds. The trees in the distance hang a duller brown than before. Everything seems duller without you here. Your voice is nowhere to be heard and im not expecting the phone to ring anytime soon. The air around me is cold but I dont move the tempature doesnt bother me nothing can make me budge now. Its my fualt your gone anyways. I tied you up. I lite the match that cuaght the house on fire. But it was all with reason. If I couldnt have you no one could. No one dserved you like I did. No one tryed to keep you as hard as I did. no one suffered constant blows and mental abuse to keep your love. No one tryed to be there for you when you were at your lowest. I remember the flame. A roaring orange,red and blue. at first there was screaming but soon it faded to silence. I took the best thing I had away from myself all for what. self satisfaction. security. ensuring that no one but me would ever have what you could give. But of course I didnt go to jail. you had food cooking it could have burnt or boiled over. It all looked just like an accident. The only thing I have to deal with now is the sleepless nights. The constant shaking.heavy breathing. nightly sobbing. Staring out the window without you here but in the end it was worth it the only one who can have you now is god. god and me.
without you pt.1
July 6, 2010